I can just hear the teeth grinding from de vimmins now. Heh. So let me ask you, why am I as a man still expected to fulfill the traditional role of a provider, but it’s perfectly ok for women to cede the traditional role of a nurturer? (and making me good sammiches?)
So if I not only have to slave all day to rake in the coins, but also come home to cook, clean, maintain the house, etc., what exactly will you be contributing while I’m busy here effectively working 2 full time jobs (one at work and one at home)?
I understand that there are men who are willing to stay home while the women work. I personally think these men are girlie boys who should be ridiculed, scorned and flogged mercilessly with a rusty barbed cane, but hey, if the relationship works, more power to them.
I’m not a nurturer though. My drive is to protect and provide, because I like protecting things, and I like providing for others. It’s a man thing, and I’m not going to apologize for it. I also know, as much as so many feminist/career minded women today will deny it, that deep down most of them ENJOY being a homebody, cooking, nurturing and otherwise taking care of their homes. It’s a lot of work, but if I take immense satisfaction in being a protector, I can only imagine that they derive an equal amount of satisfaction in cooking a gourmet meal worthy of a 5 star New York City restaurant for their honey snoogum winkles (or family and friends.)
I’m not an unreasonable man though. If we were BOTH working full time, then it’s completely reasonable to expect and work out a way to split our chores equally, including cooking as well. The irony is that I LIKE to cook, but I’m very inexperienced at it, and I could use the guidance of one who has mastered the craft. One of the things I fantasize about is enjoying a cooking weekend with my honey twinkles, where she teaches me how to crack an egg with one hand and spin pizza dough with the other. Mad ninja cooking skills, yo. A feminine mentor who shows me how to handle my… curry, if you know what I mean.
Cooking together, doing chores together, working together as a functioning and stable unit, why that almost sounds like how a healthy relationship should work!
But if there ever comes time where marriage comes in and children after that, I simply will not accept any arrangement that would have me staying home full time to raise the kids, because it’s not who I am. Whoever I wind up with will understand that as well, and would cheerfully give up her job/career to care for the children and the house. Even then it’s not necessarily permanent, as she could work part-time or re-enter her choice of profession full time again once the kids are grown. Together we can provide our family with the dual pillars of both financial and domestic stability.
That’s why honesty is the best policy for me. Letting women know up front what I expect of them, and what they should expect of me. If you decide cooking is beneath you, your career is more important than not leaving kids with a weird nanny, and/or men are glorified ATM machines to be abused and insulted on a regular basis, well then, there’s the door, hope you find what you’re looking for, nice knowing ya.
It’s ironic. Women have these lists of demands about what they want in a man beginning with him not being unemployed and living on mommy’s couch, and for the most part I totally understand and agree with it. But when a guy’s criteria starts with a woman having some good basic cooking skills, they go CRAY CRAY.
Yeesh. Modern women today tend to believe the traditional roles such as is described in Proverbs 31 are beneath them, leading to the logical conclusion that leave men with no other choice but to take on multiple roles to support a family, while women take on, well… no roles. Except moving up the career ladder so they can be just like Marissa Mayer.
Is it any wonder so many men have decided, “You know… this is kind of a bum deal, I’m out!”
The sad thing is so many of them think they’ve finally one upped the EVIL man by being stroooong and independent and like, stuff. But while those of us who remain single enjoy flush incomes, peace of mind and a drama-free life, women can only soldier on via the taxpayer’s dime, or relying on the goodwill of companies offering work at home jobs (for those of you who actually have some self-respect and refuse to take handouts.) You know, companies like Yahoo! (Oh wait…)
In some weird twist of poetic justice, we’re living in a world where women, having refused to take on one role, are now being forced to take on TWO in order to survive. Brave new world, my friends.
Due to being awesome, I have been paid (at Coinstar’s request) to blog about Coinstar’s products/services as part of a Collective Bias shopper insights study. All opinions are my own, but they are awesome opinions.
Because I’m a guy, I like to keep my spare change in a sophisticated and completely hi-tech manner: my jean pockets. None of those man purses or pouches for me thank you very much. I am HARDCORE.
So on the occasion that I pull out some greens to pay for something, I usually jam whatever spare change I get from the purchase into my pockets, then unload them into a pouch inside my suitcase when I’m back at the hotel, and ultimately into my coin bank when I return home from another crazy traveling adventure. My coin bank is cleverly designed to be completely undetectable to the naked eye.
That’s generally been my habit since I graduated college, though usually when I’m ready to cash in I head over to the credit union. I’ve tried the Coinstar machine once before at Stop & Shop but lost nearly $8 from the fee I had to pay just to redeem my cash, so I never bothered to use it again, at least until now, when they got smart and introduced a NO FEE option.
With my coin bank now at capacity, there was no better time to give Coinstar another try, so I grabbed my *ahem* soda can, and headed over to my favorite Stop & Shop. (BTW, check out Coinstar at Facebook and Twitter.)
For whatever reason Stop & Shop has that vibe that makes me prefer going there for groceries over other supermarkets, and particularly because their self checkouts are blazing fast and usually don’t have a line to them. Anything that allows me to run in and run out with bags full of food in as little time as possible is WINNING in my book. (Check out Stop and Shop’s Facebook page for more info about their supermarkets.)
The Coinstar here was located next to Redbox and their customer support/lotto center, right by the entrance. About as convenient a place as you could hope for. Long Island being what it is though (as in, filled with rancid, uncouth human beings such as myself), I basically got shoved aside by some battle axe of an old lady who wanted to use the Coinstar machine, not to redeem coins mind you, but to scratch off an instant lotto game she had just purchased. Sigh.
The battle axe finally left, so I finally had the machine to myself, and started sifting through the NO FEE options. As it turned out you can select from a variety of different gift certificates, but I was surprised to find out that despite touting the option of redeeming your coins for a Stop & Shop gift card, there weren’t any gift card choices that you could actually use at Stop & Shop itself. Weird.
Ultimately I picked Amazon.com as it has the widest range of goods, though I might have picked a Stop & Shop card instead had that option been available. I slowly dumped my coins in, and watched and listened as the machine chirped and beeped away while tallying my coins. Net total: $77.28.
The machine then gave me a second chance to turn my coins to cash instead, but the fee was nearly 10 cents to a dollar. Um, no.
That said, this was pretty convenient, as long as the NO FEE options offer a nice library of gift cards to choose from I’ll likely continue to use this in the future than go to the credit union (where I have to wait in line and then stand there like an idiot while they slooooooowly tally the coins.) Plus I rarely visit my credit union anyway, so this kinda works out perfectly.
Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a few niceties I’d like to buy off of Amazon.com now…
Oh and if you have a moment check out my Coinstar Google+ album and share. Thanks for reading!
Updated: 6/14/2018 – I’ve mellowed out a lot since I wrote this post and decided to rewrite it a bit in a less harsher tone.
I’m at that point in my life where the dating pool consists of 20-somethings who think a 5 to 10 year difference in age makes me old enough to be their father rather than a potential mate, while the rest have all played the merry-go-round of relationships/marriages which failed for whatever reason, and are now free to date again. Suddenly the guy they rejected back in school because he failed to make the upper tier caste system of social status and coolness has now become a hot item in the single mom’s dating commodity market.
I’ve seen this a lot, and the language these single moms use to describe the guy they end up with is alarming, phrases along the line of “he’s a reasonable choice now; he’s not perfect but he’ll do; I’m not really in love with him, but he’s a decent person,” and so on.
There’s only one reasonable way to respond to sentiment like this:
Another practical reason I avoid single moms is that I’ve never been married, and I’ve never had kids either. Single moms though have obviously already been through their share of relationships along with all the experiences of being a parent too. If I wanted to get seriously involved with a single mom, I’d have to forgo the dream of having a wife where we spend time together before kids, then slowly grow together as parents from the very beginning. Instead, I’d have to hit the ground running and learn how to be a fatherly image to kids that are not mine, despite having absolutely no experience whatsoever of being a dad. Kids, who more likely than not would resent me and my presence for not being their real dad. It’s not a road I’d want to go down on.
And just to add insult to injury, a lot of single moms don’t want to have more children, so I don’t even get the benefit of fathering kids of my own. So I’m tasked with caring and draining my financial resources for a family that I have no blood ties with, with a wife who would likely have no time for me because she has her kids to think about. My whole life would revolve around the fruit of another man’s loins. Errr, no thanks.
This is not to say that there aren’t great single moms out there. I’m sure there are a few left, including friends who regularly follow my blog. So when I say I don’t want to date single moms, it’s because there are very practical and very crucial reasons for doing so, having more to do with the dangerous times we live in than with any particular single mom. In other words, it’s not personal.
The reality of it is, the courts are stacked in favor of women to the point that if you get involved with a single mom and the relationship doesn’t work out, you can still be on the hook for child support and losing much of your wealth and assets to sponsor kids that aren’t yours. There’s also no escaping the issue that just by being a single mom it’s a major strike against them: they know their “market value” has gone down as a result of it, so they’re forced to relax their standards. That’s why it’s more likely that they’ll see you as someone they’re settling for and not someone who would truly be the love of their life. It’s awful.
More daunting is the fact that as a women’s N count (the number of sexual partners she’s had) goes up, the less likely subsequent relationships will work out. In fact just a count of 2 drastically reduces the odds of a successful marriage.
Dating a single mom is like Russian Roulette then, except instead of one bullet in six chambers, there are FIVE. Do you really want to play those odds? I don’t.
Admittedly, the risks are mitigated to some extent once the kids are grown, and that’s the only time I would reconsider getting involved with a single mom. If all her kids are over 18 and the threat of child support is no longer a factor, there might be a better possibility of things working out. But it’s hard to avoid the reality that if you weren’t her first pick, it’s very likely you wouldn’t have been her second, third, fourth or fifth pick either.
It’s a shame watching single moms who want to date me get offended when I decline. They fail to understand what a risky proposition that is for men today, and that inability to see things from our perspective is another strike against them. A single mom worth her weight in gold would understand the world we live in now, how the legal system is completely stacked against men, making relationships especially with single mothers such a risky prospect that a sizable population of men are opting out altogether on marriage and remaining bachelors. She’ll understand that if she can’t marry or get involved with a man out of true love, then she shouldn’t get involved at all.
The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share his inner experiences he is forced to walk alone. – A.W. Tozer
You may now commence with rabid jealousy and envy. 🙂
Just taking a trip down memory lane. Loved how my Instagram turned out here:
Love this orchestral rendition of one of my favorite songs of all time: