Updated: 6/14/2018 – I’ve mellowed out a lot since I wrote this post and decided to rewrite it a bit in a less harsher tone.
I’m at that point in my life where the dating pool consists of 20-somethings who think a 5 to 10 year difference in age makes me old enough to be their father rather than a potential mate, while the rest have all played the merry-go-round of relationships/marriages which failed for whatever reason, and are now free to date again. Suddenly the guy they rejected back in school because he failed to make the upper tier caste system of social status and coolness has now become a hot item in the single mom’s dating commodity market.
I’ve seen this a lot, and the language these single moms use to describe the guy they end up with is alarming, phrases along the line of “he’s a reasonable choice now; he’s not perfect but he’ll do; I’m not really in love with him, but he’s a decent person,” and so on.
There’s only one reasonable way to respond to sentiment like this:
Another practical reason I avoid single moms is that I’ve never been married, and I’ve never had kids either. Single moms though have obviously already been through their share of relationships along with all the experiences of being a parent too. If I wanted to get seriously involved with a single mom, I’d have to forgo the dream of having a wife where we spend time together before kids, then slowly grow together as parents from the very beginning. Instead, I’d have to hit the ground running and learn how to be a fatherly image to kids that are not mine, despite having absolutely no experience whatsoever of being a dad. Kids, who more likely than not would resent me and my presence for not being their real dad. It’s not a road I’d want to go down on.
And just to add insult to injury, a lot of single moms don’t want to have more children, so I don’t even get the benefit of fathering kids of my own. So I’m tasked with caring and draining my financial resources for a family that I have no blood ties with, with a wife who would likely have no time for me because she has her kids to think about. My whole life would revolve around the fruit of another man’s loins. Errr, no thanks.
This is not to say that there aren’t great single moms out there. I’m sure there are a few left, including friends who regularly follow my blog. So when I say I don’t want to date single moms, it’s because there are very practical and very crucial reasons for doing so, having more to do with the dangerous times we live in than with any particular single mom. In other words, it’s not personal.
The reality of it is, the courts are stacked in favor of women to the point that if you get involved with a single mom and the relationship doesn’t work out, you can still be on the hook for child support and losing much of your wealth and assets to sponsor kids that aren’t yours. There’s also no escaping the issue that just by being a single mom it’s a major strike against them: they know their “market value” has gone down as a result of it, so they’re forced to relax their standards. That’s why it’s more likely that they’ll see you as someone they’re settling for and not someone who would truly be the love of their life. It’s awful.
More daunting is the fact that as a women’s N count (the number of sexual partners she’s had) goes up, the less likely subsequent relationships will work out. In fact just a count of 2 drastically reduces the odds of a successful marriage.
Dating a single mom is like Russian Roulette then, except instead of one bullet in six chambers, there are FIVE. Do you really want to play those odds? I don’t.
Admittedly, the risks are mitigated to some extent once the kids are grown, and that’s the only time I would reconsider getting involved with a single mom. If all her kids are over 18 and the threat of child support is no longer a factor, there might be a better possibility of things working out. But it’s hard to avoid the reality that if you weren’t her first pick, it’s very likely you wouldn’t have been her second, third, fourth or fifth pick either.
It’s a shame watching single moms who want to date me get offended when I decline. They fail to understand what a risky proposition that is for men today, and that inability to see things from our perspective is another strike against them. A single mom worth her weight in gold would understand the world we live in now, how the legal system is completely stacked against men, making relationships especially with single mothers such a risky prospect that a sizable population of men are opting out altogether on marriage and remaining bachelors. She’ll understand that if she can’t marry or get involved with a man out of true love, then she shouldn’t get involved at all.