Why yes, I would rather feed the burros than have a Las Vegas showgirl grind on my lap, why do you ask?

Well what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas… except for yours truly.  I’ll arrive September 28th for my fall trip, but I’ll only be staying long enough to pick up my car rental and then book out of town faster than you can say Bellagio Buffet.

I was in Vegas a few short years ago for a conference and even now I can still hear the noise.  My Lord, the NOISE.  IT.  NEVER.  STOPPED.  Of course being a novice I made the mistake of staying at the Luxor, the famous black pyramid hotel and casino you might have seen in commercials, usually the choice for cheapskates such as the company that sponsored my trip.  I got a room that still had leftover beer bottles in it, along with mattresses that… just… well, looked VERY used to me.

The only time I briefly enjoyed my stay there was when I discovered the Vegas version of Serendipity and treated myself to their famous Frozen Hot Chocolate.  Oh my.  Other than that the whole trip was basically a wash.  (And what’s this obsession over Carrot Top all about anyway?)  Honestly, the whole gambling, booze and debauchery with hordes of babes with loose standards (or discount prices) just wasn’t my thing, partly because of my INFJ personality and partly because of my Christian beliefs.  Emotional intimacy (aside from sexual, which should only be experienced in marriage) is something I highly value and not something I want to waste on women I don’t know and don’t feel a special bond with.  Ironically enough this makes me even less attractive to women overall, which is sad, but it is what it is.  Attraction or not, I still need to be true to myself.

A pair of burros

You passed up Vegas for us? Dude… you’ve got probs.

So, rather than re-enact scenes straight out of the movie, The Hangover, I’ll be making my first stop at Hoover Dam to take in the views, then continue on to Kingman, Arizona where I’ll stay for the night.  I already screwed up with the hotel booking of course, getting a nonrefundable night for $126 when the best rated hotel in town (Best Western) had rooms available for only $90 a night.  Grrrrr.  I’m usually so good with travel savings and I already I’m making rookie mistakes here.  Bah.  I really need to exercise due diligence here since my goal is to keep the total expense of the trip below $2,000 (not including food).  It’s definitely doable, but it’s going to take some finagling and a little bit of luck.

Before I check in at Kingman I may have a chance to see Route 66 for the first time while visiting a place called Oatman, renowned for their (yep, you guessed it) burros and staged gunfights.   I hadn’t even realized I would wind up driving Route 66 at least part of the way to the Grand Canyons until I checked the map, so this will be an unexpected treat.  I should arrive at the Canyons the day after Kingman, but given how so many of the nearby hotels have already been booked solid, I’m going to have to Priceline my way through and just hope I can snap up a room that was cancelled at the last minute for a steal (either that or I’ll be sleeping in my car).  Looking at the map again, the most likely launching platform from which I’d visit the Canyons will either be Williams, Tusayan, or if I’m really lucky, one of the few hotels in Grand Canyon Village itself.  I won’t ultimately know where until I actually get there, but then that’s half the fun.

Note:  I generally like to do these pre-tripping blog posts as a way to organize my thoughts on how to plan the trip and crowd source my readers for good ideas on where to go.  Some of the best trip ideas I’ve ever gotten have been from my commenters too.

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6 Responses to Why yes, I would rather feed the burros than have a Las Vegas showgirl grind on my lap, why do you ask?

  1. Anja August 14, 2013 at 11:34 AM #

    @Joanna,

    there are many different Christian denominations and they also have different rules, even though extramarital sexual relationships are always frowned upon. A Christian is a person who believes in Christ and that He died on the cross for our sins, so extramarital sex has nothing to do with this most fundamental Christian belief.

    Also, I don’t want to nitpick but the Bible is a book title so it should be capitalized.

  2. Frank Swift August 14, 2013 at 12:23 PM #

    By intimate I mean emotionally intimate, not sexually. I realize not everyone interprets intimacy the same way, so I’ve edited my post to include emotional. Going to church by the way doesn’t make one a Christian anymore than going to MacDonalds makes one a hamburger (quote from Keith Green). There are many unchurched Christians who remain devout and find fellowship in nontraditional ways.

    Basically you seem to be a man who is scared of women and uses certain bible passages to justify being a d***.

    You appear to harbor a lot of anger. I think you should redirect all that negative energy into something more positive, such as making your husband a nice sandwich. Oh, and if you can make me one too, that would be greeeeeat. Make sure you put the lettuce on top of the tomatoes too. There’s a good girl.

  3. Cautiously Pessimistic August 14, 2013 at 2:27 PM #

    Las Vegas: INTJ Hell. I’ve been to Branson, MO and that was bad enough. It’s like the entire city has devoted itself towards catering to my anti-demographic. At least Reno has legal prostitution. Granted, I’m tasked with avoiding it, but at least they’re tempting me with something… er… tempting.

    • Frank Swift August 14, 2013 at 2:36 PM #

      You ever watch a documentary on the legal brothels in Reno? I think I saw one at YouTube once. 5 minutes of watching that will dissuade you of any desire whatsoever to go there. I can’t even figure out why people like Jesse “The Body” Ventura bothered with it, except maybe as a bucket list thing.

  4. Aono August 17, 2013 at 12:50 PM #

    Do you have your dog yet?

    • Frank Swift August 17, 2013 at 2:01 PM #

      Aono, it might be a long while before I know for sure. I would need to pass the breeder’s evaluation/criterion for being a suitable owner, plus the dog in question is slated to produce litters of her own and still needs to undergo a few months more of training. So probably spring of 2014 is when I’ll ultimately know. It’s a long wait but it is what it is. In the meantime I can use this trip to visit the dog and see how well we gel together.

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