I’m at that point in my life where the dating pool consists of 20-somethings who think a 5 to 10 year difference in age makes me old enough to be their father rather than a potential mate, while the rest have all played the merry-go-round of relationships/marriages which failed for whatever reason, and are now free to date again. Suddenly the guy they rejected back in school because he failed to make the upper tier caste system of social status and coolness has now become a hot item in the single mom’s dating commodity market. I feel so special now.
So let me explain (in Dan Rather terms) why I wouldn’t touch these single moms with a 12 foot pole (the kind of pole I use for things I wouldn’t touch with a 11 foot pole.) First of all, my mother would kill me. And I don’t mean that she would merely get upset if I brought home a nice girl with little Timmy and little Tommy from two previous failed marriages. I mean she would stand over my bed one night, look lovingly at my angelic face while I snored away… and then smother me to death with a pillow. Just so she can spare me the misery and agony that she knew I was heading for.
So, there’s that reason.
Another reason is that I’ve never been married, and I’ve never had kids either. Single moms though have obviously already been through their share of relationships along with all the experiences of being a parent too. If I wanted to get seriously involved with a single mom, I’d have to forgo the dream of having a wife where we spend time together before kids, then slowly grow together as parents from the very beginning. Instead, I’d have to hit the ground running and learn how to be a fatherly image to kids that are not mine, despite having absolutely no experience whatsoever of being a dad. Kids, who more likely than not would resent me and my presence for not being their real dad.
And just to add insult to injury, a lot of single moms don’t want to have more children, so I don’t even get the benefit of fathering kids of my own. So I’m tasked with caring and draining my financial resources for a family that I have no blood ties with, with a wife who would likely have no time for me because she has her kids to think about. My whole life would revolve around the fruit of another man’s loins. Errr, no thanks.
This is not to say that there aren’t great single moms out there. There are plenty, including friends who regularly follow my blog. So when I say I don’t want to date single moms, I’m not saying they’re not worth the trouble. I’m saying, we’re NOT COMPATIBLE.
You know who single moms should date though? SINGLE DADS. That’s where the life experience of both are on equal footing. Both have a history of relationships that didn’t work out, and both have experience as parents. There’s a sense of camaraderie that can help bring them closer together and forge a good relationship, albeit one that will have a lot of obstacles and emotional baggage to overcome. Which just goes to show, if you’re gonna get married, get it right the first time. :-P
I have to admit I get offended when a single mom wants to date me and gets all huffy poo when I decline. They’re basically asking me to give up all those years of being with a girl before kids enter the picture, along with the privilege of learning how to be a father from day one (conception), rather than learning how to be a father when the kid is already 5 years old (and not mine.) Single moms like that aren’t really interested in finding a husband/companion. They just want a glorified ATM machine.
The only exception I’d make in dating single moms then is when the kids are already grown and out of the house. Of course that won’t happen till I’m in my fifties, and by then I’ll probably be such an ornery and insufferable jerkball that nobody will want to be with me anyway.