Why I hate Long Island with all my heart and soul

Those people who talk about cities like Detroit being the worst places to live have clearly never been to Long Island.  Having been a lifelong native here, I can say without any shadow of doubt that this fish-shaped extension of sewage material, located due east of Manhattan, is one of the most intolerable, despicable, grimy, disgusting, vile, evil, filthy, overpopulated mounds of fecal matter to ever bedevil the history of man.

Map of Long Island and NYC boroughs


After traveling to over 30 states in the past few years, I’ve come to believe that Long Island uniquely exemplifies everything that’s wrong with this country.  The exorbitant costs of living, the utterly corrupt police departments, the pothole riddled streets, a populace with disturbingly schizophrenic leanings, the high taxation, the list goes on and on.  In a way, you could say Long Island is the kind of place that offers all the downsides of New York City, with none of the upside.

Long Island natives have an unusual proclivity for bipolar behavior, a reality that made my time growing up here a less than pleasant one.  Hot one day, cold the next.  Nice one day, a stone of rudeness the next.  There was no consistency to the way people acted.  I thought it was just me, but my mother told me her experience had been the same when she was a child, having been a former NYC native before moving further out east to Suffolk County, and recalling how utterly bewildered she was as well by Long Islanders’ neurotic behavior.

I should mention, while Brooklyn and Queens is technically a part of Long Island, they are actually boroughs of New York City, retaining a distinctive difference in culture that remains separate from the suburban sprawls of Nassau and Suffolk County.  It is these two specific counties that make Long Island what it is, and to which I reserve my unrepentant, vitriolic hatred for.

It wasn’t just my mother and me who noticed the peculiar behavior of the natives.  Anyone I spoke to that was from out of town made the same observations:  “Man, people are crazy here.  Must be something in the water.”  It didn’t matter where they came from either.  I’ve met foreign exchange students, people from Europe, people from out of state, even people from nearby Manhattan, and their reactions were nearly always the same.  They ALL blamed the water too.

One of the things that clued me in to why Long Island natives were such a mentally unstable, psychotic bunch was a little factoid I learned back when I was taking Psychology 101 in college.  My professor had mentioned in passing that Long Island had the largest percentage of mental institutions per square mile than anywhere else in the country.  Literally.

Well, that certainly answered a few questions.

Over time I had to learn not to take the natives’ rude and unstable attitudes personally, but it was one of the reasons my introverted personality became even more introverted as I grew up.  I had very few friends during my childhood, filtering out the typical crazies, and holding on to the rare few whose minds were still sound for as long as I could.  The only thing crazier than Long Islanders are Long Islanders who are teenagers, and indeed, I met some of the strangest and most bizarre people I have ever met in my life during my high school years.  I remember one in particular during my junior year, a friend of my then best friend, who once got funky with his girlfriend’s mom in the backseat of her car… while her father filmed the whole thing from the front seat.

Chris Hansen Peaks In

Why don’t you take a seat right over there…

When I discovered that (from the news no less) I decided then that I had more than enough exposure to the human race, and it was time to close ranks and isolate myself before The Crazy got me too.  Being a recluse was a small price to pay in order to preserve my sanity in an insane place.

This craziness also spills over into the roads too.  The irrational and inconsistent behavior of the motorists has led me to endlessly deal with traffic split up between drivers who like to go 40MPH (usually in the left lane) and those who like to go 80MPH, with nothing in between.  This is why people who drive in front of me are always going too slow while those behind me are always going too fast.  I get sandwiched these two extremes during my daily commute, such that I can never use cruise control even when the traffic is moving.  I’m not even dealing with the worst of it either due to working odd hours, so I’m able to commute without enduring LI’s infamous rush hour traffic.  Rush hour here is a whole ‘nother fresh set of hell that only drivers in Los Angeles could begin to understand.

Tank bulldozing on highway

I wish I could drive to work this way.

The overwhelming population and volume of traffic on Long island is so bad that most locals (including me) plan our outings based on traffic patterns.  Timing is everything, and if you miss your chance, be prepared to spend three times as much time on the roads as you originally planned to, dealing with every crazy with (and without) a driver’s license under heaven.  Only those who venture out at the crack of dawn or at 3AM will be spared the worst of the agony.

It’s even more unbearable in the summer, when school lets out and unleashes a horde of terrifying teenagers flooring mommy and daddy’s car into the red zone, along with a plague of old fogies arriving here from Florida to spend the summer and clog the roads with their Cadillacs, driving just as uber-slow as the teens drive uber-fast.

Until I started traveling to other states, I was always left with the impression that Long Island traffic wasn’t really unique, that it was just a fact of life for any area of the country with a heavy population density.  But now, having driven on roads in over 30 odd states, I can truthfully say traffic on Long Island is in a class of its own.

Drivers can be jerkwads no matter where you go, but what I learned from driving outside of Long Island was how more predictable and consistent motorists were.  Even more intriguing, if they saw you coming, especially in the left lane, they almost always moved out of the way.  On Long Island, I have to laugh at people who flashed their lights at cars ahead of them because it proved they were obviously from out of town.  The net result from flashing your lights is that the guy in front of you either blithely ignores you or slows down even more out of pure spite.  We have no fast lanes here, even when traffic is light, because there are always slow pokes cluttering up the roads and threatening the safety of everyone by literally driving BELOW the minimum speeds on parkways.  It results in a lot of frustrated drivers cutting in and out of lanes just to get around these virtual roadblocks, and it’s also why a pleasant cruise to nowhere in particular is always an impossibility.

Austin Powers in a Tight Spot

No room for cruise control here…

And even if Long Island wasn’t a traffic nightmare, there’s really no place for me to go.  Long Island is just… ugly.  The myriad number of towns here belie the reality that it’s all one big indiscriminate suburban sprawl of cement and congested roads.  There’s very little to distinguish one town/village from the next,  and because of that there’s very little sense of community too.   Instead, we have micro-cliques that either have their roots in childhood or are borne out of living in the same neighborhood for many years.  It’s very unlike the small towns and even cities that I’ve traveled to, many of which tend to have this “Cheers” like atmosphere, where everyone knows your name (and they’re always glad you came).  Social circles outside of Long Island seem less rigid and more open-ended, at least in my experience.  Rather than constantly being treated as an outsider (or where your existence isn’t even acknowledged), it’s relatively easy to seek out and become a part of new social groups, even as a newcomer.  There’s no drive to maintain a caste system in the way that I’ve seen here, and I think that may be partly due to Long Island’s proclivity for being indifferent and even hostile to strangers, no matter who they are, whereas I find there’s a higher sense of civility and overt friendliness nearly everywhere else, even in New York City.  It’s actually stunning to experience the sea change in behavior once you drive or take the train a mere 50 miles or so from the suburbs to downtown Manhattan, where some sense of normalcy and civility is restored.

Some people may disagree that Long island is ugly, citing its beaches, seaports and numerous parks.  The problem is whatever natural beauty it does offer is ruined by swarms of humanity who pollute the scenery everywhere they go.  There is no place in which you can truly feel like you can get away from it all (the traffic, the noise, the populace), except possibly the Hamptons, the seat of the uber-rich and ultra-privileged.  Even then, it’s telling that it requires a roughly 100 mile drive to the near edge of Long Island just to “get away” for the weekend.

And even if you COULD find a quiet place in the woods or a park to camp out, relax or otherwise take in the scenery, there’s still the matter of the ticks.  And more ticks.  And, my Lord in heaven, even MORE ticks.  Long island has in fact one of the highest incidents of lyme disease and tick infestation than anywhere else in the country.


How YOU doin’?

Long Island’s economic climate is also a veritable cesspool of fail.  It follows the national trajectory of undermining and destroying the middle class (although in many respects it’s far ahead of the game than the rest of the country), making it true to its bipolar roots (either hot or cold, fast or slow) and economically, either rich or poor, with nothing in between.  Despite heavy taxation, the counties remain in massive debt, while the population density have pushed the astounding real estate market prices well beyond the reach of many first time home buyers.  I recently read a statistic that more than 55% of people ages 20-34 on Long Island STILL live with their parents.  There are not enough apartments to go around, and many are actually illegal dwellings due to not being up to code.  The irony is that most illegal apartments are actually habitable, but coding ordinances are designed more to bilk residents out of more money than for valid safety reasons.  As a result, apartments up to code often have exorbitant leasing costs.  A studio near where I work for example is currently going for $2,400 to $2,800 a month.  For a studio.  What it would typically cost to rent a four bedroom home in nearly any state would barely cover the expenses of living in someone’s basement here.  Outside of possibly San Francisco, Long Island has the most expensive real estate market in the country.

DiCaprio Smashes Glass Over Head

My polite response to my landlord’s decision to raise my rent by $400 a month.

Even more infuriating is witnessing the endless line of “Section 8″ tenants who are able to live in luxury apartments for a third of the rent, and yet bringing down the quality of living for everyone by engaging in criminal behavior and refusing to clean up after themselves.  It’s one thing to live on the government dole as a result of falling on hard times, but it’s quite another to pick up a tax funded paycheck while running a drug cartel out of your living room.

And yes, I also blame Long Island for dampening my dating life as well.  Having given up on the local prospects, who range from the snooty, to the bizarre, to the outright insane, I tend to look for romantic prospects outside New York, yet the cultural/economic differences have often been difficult or even impossible to overcome.  Those who live in areas with costs of living at normal rates can’t seem to understand why most Long Islanders don’t already own their first homes by say, age 21.  It’s especially grating when so many rely on their parents’ wealth for their quality of living (something I never had the benefit of enjoying, and whose parents had to rely on me for financial support), and hence have no concept of what it’s like to endure true financial hardship.  I can’t relate to people who’s had it too easy or too good, whose concept of suffering is a barista mistakenly pouring soy milk instead of almond milk into her latte.   It creates a divide that makes it difficult for any girl residing outside the Long Island bubble to understand the life I’ve lived.  I might as well be living in a third world country.  Actually, given what a smelly landfill Long Island is, calling it a third world country probably wouldn’t be too far off the mark.

Demon Temptress

A typical Long Island girl.

I would have escaped this rock a long time ago, but circumstances have prevented me from doing so, year after agonizing year.  But… I think a door is finally starting to open.  I have assets and opportunities now that I didn’t have before, and I’ve been making the routine effort to apply for jobs in all the places and states I’d like to move to.  Whereas before finances were a major issue, now it’s just a question of securing a new job out of state, which unfortunately has gotten more difficult considering the economic climate we live in, but I’m hopeful.  I see major changes in the year ahead, and hope it will soon bring the day when I am finally released from the prison that is this hateful island.

UPDATE:  I HAVE BEEN “PAROLED!”  At long last I will be leaving Long Island once and for all the spring of 2015.  YIPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Please feel free to read my blog for updates as I make the long overdue transition to a new life and a new home beyond Long Island.  :-)

Millennium Falcon Hyperdrive

I’m outta here…


341 Responses to Why I hate Long Island with all my heart and soul

  1. loischwarz March 7, 2014 at 2:48 PM #

    well, its about freakn time! I approve of your chess board move 100%

    • Frank Swift March 7, 2014 at 3:22 PM #

      Thanks, hopefully this will be the year! (or very early next year)

    • DCGV May 13, 2014 at 8:55 AM #

      I can totally relate to mist of what you described. I moved from Northern California to Long Island for a year, because of a job that was offered by a relative. Me & my wife lived in Selden (next to Centereach in Suffolk county). For me, it didn’t take too long for us to realize that Long Island is indeed straight out ugly! While it’s very noticeable people can’t drive and are hostile! You’d see accidents both ways on either 495 or 347. People are uptight and flat out rude! Especially for someone like us who came from California. We live in Sacramento (state Capitol). It’s a very nice and a decent city. Sacramento might slightly be overshadowed, as compared to San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, etc. California has may class-A / all-star cities, if you will, that Sacramento seem to look mediocre. But bring Sacramento to New York State, let’s say, and people would find it a lovable place to live and settle (at least compared to Long Island, Albany, or Buffalo). Californians are much nicer and more polite in comparison. Our driving attitude are different; predictable, and we give way. If you live in California, you’re used to a certain high standard and kindness that you’ll NEVER find in Long Island. Yes, Long Island has the Hamptons, but California has Malibu, Long Beach, Oceanside (Orange County), Monterey, San Simeon, San Luis Obispo, I can go on and on. – not mentioning that long beautiful coastal scenic drive! So, no wonder, who ever I talked to, if I say, “I moved here from California”, they’d give me this certain look while saying, “Really? Are you serious??”. I also noticed that Nassau county has become so congested, it slowly is becoming just like Queens. While in Suffolk, man, businesses are closing and moving out! Business in Smithtown, Brookhaven, Patchouge, Port Jefferson, Bohemia, etc. are in bad shape. You’d see many empty business units for rent and are closing down. Students from Stony Brook University aren’t actually from Long Island. They’re from New York City, some are from surrounding states like, NJ, CT, DE, etc…Another is There is a lack of good restaurants in Long island! You have to go all the way to New York City and go through the city’s hustle and bustle to dine in a very impressive restaurant. — Again, that is if you’re used to the California standard you get, especially in San Francisco or Los Angeles. Now, we’re back in California, and we glad we made the right decision in returning. Though we lived for a year in Long Island, We never missed it – not one bit! We never had a good experience and we actually despise it.

    • Frank Swift May 13, 2014 at 2:27 PM #

      I’ve been to L.A., and was actually surprised by how much I liked the city. Much more mellow vibe than Long Island, even if the traffic did remind me of home. I’ve heard great things about Sacramento too. New York ranks last in many categories I suspect in no small part because of Long Island.

    • Fig July 20, 2014 at 4:44 AM #

      Long Island is the white trash capitol of the country. This is something I’ve said for years. People get mad when I say this, but it’s true. New Jersey, contrary to what people believe , is actually 100x less trashy and much nicer. And I’m not from New Jersey so I think that says a lot. It’s refreshing to see someone else finally have the guts to say what I’ve always said. But don’t bother trying to convince any other Long Island native of the obvious truth. Their ignorant, blind pride leaves them in denial.

    • Ben Dover February 12, 2015 at 9:37 PM #

      Get a life. You spent all these pages writing about your hatred. You are someone people would like to be with (not). Blaming your dating life on Long Island. Maybe it’s you people don’t want to be with. You’re a loser. You’ll never be happy about anything for a long period.

  2. Anita Rabar March 7, 2014 at 4:41 PM #

    Frank ~ come and join me here in the Cheshire countryside ~ no pollution ….it’s nice :) x

    • Frank Swift March 7, 2014 at 5:04 PM #

      Ay ay ay, no traffic, a spot of tea and biscuits if you please?

  3. thehaproject March 7, 2014 at 11:42 PM #

    Frank, to quote Ted Cruz, “I hear you have decided to flee New York City and come back to America…” Good call.

    Give Texas a shot.

    • Frank Swift March 8, 2014 at 12:53 PM #

      Eh, Texas is too hot (and humid). I did love Dallas (heck I even loved weirded up Austin), but the non-mountainous landscape and hotter climate doesn’t really suit me.

  4. a March 8, 2014 at 9:08 PM #

    I’m getting the vibe that many people are fleeing their own states just to try the ones that others have already fled.

    At least I can thank you, Sir, for steering me clear of all that you hate in life.
    You have done a great service here!

    Now to plan my own pilgrimage to a sane, affordable place of refuge!

    God help us all!

    • Frank Swift March 8, 2014 at 10:56 PM #

      You really have to travel to get a feel for an area and whether it could potentially be called home. That’s why I can say with a straight face that LA (yes, THAT LA) is one of the places I wouldn’t mind moving to. Same deal with Seattle and the Redmond suburbs, where even the rain was pleasant. Once the novelty wears off and you start to objectively access the quality of living of a particular area, it really helps to narrow your options down and concentrate on the best places.

  5. Maeve March 11, 2014 at 12:19 PM #

    Frank, Chucktown is lovely – yes, it does get hot and humid (but we have air conditioning) and best of all, winter is very short. In fact, just this weekend I began to get my herb planters all ready. (Long Island is pretty much like the Bog of Eternal Stench – been there enough times to empathize with you)

    • Frank Swift March 11, 2014 at 1:33 PM #

      Have you ever been to Travelers Rest or Greenville? That little western pocket corner of South Carolina is an area that interests me, partly because it lies at the foot of the Smokies/Appalachians, and partly because SC is one of the few states that doesn’t tax income AND social security.

    • Maeve March 11, 2014 at 1:37 PM #

      I’ve been to Greenville – nice area and gets more “seasons” than the coast; lots of industry there too. Anderson isn’t bad either (home to Clemson Univ); Also – best peaches ever!

    • Frank Swift March 11, 2014 at 1:44 PM #

      I read Greenville has the highest ratio of respiratory infections a year though. Bleh, there’s always something…

    • Maeve March 11, 2014 at 1:49 PM #

      You’re right that there’s no perfect place – I think good place to start is what kind of environment you really like. I love living by the ocean, so I can’t imagine living inland again. But I know some people really love the mountains and couldn’t care less about the coast.

      Have you visited this state? I’m a yankee transplant myself (NY/CT) and love being here. Now one of my friends from high school just moved to Colorado (Denver, I’m pretty sure) – hubs got a transfer so off they went; they’d been living in MD for a quite a while now. She’s loving it out there – went skiing last weekend. Good for her – me, I’m glad spring has sprung./

    • Frank Swift March 11, 2014 at 2:01 PM #

      I think I got close when I was in North Carolina but I never crossed the border. Part of it is waiting on what my parents decide to do. They want to stay close (we are the only family we have left) and I understand that, but they’ve also eliminated every area on earth as a viable place to retire. It’s either too cold, too hot, too humid, too dry, too much snow, not enough hospitals, too many people, too many potheads, too many illegals, too flat, too mountainous, too rural, too urban, too landlocked, too many hurricanes, too liberal and yes too conservative (and thus they wouldn’t welcome New Yorkers).

      This is why I’m hoping they come to Colorado with me this fall, since it’s one thing to dismiss a place you’ve never visited out of hand, it’s quite another to actually go there and experience the sensation of never wanting to go back (like I did).

      Regardless of the downsides of Colorado, I keep revisiting it as my best option. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but it calls to me in a way that other states don’t (even Tennessee, which I also loved). And being from Long Island, I’ll be happy if I never see another beach again.

    • Maeve March 11, 2014 at 2:12 PM #

      I really do understand the part about family. It was my one and only regret about moving. Even now, I wish I could have persuaded them to come here too. And you know, if Colorado is the place you’re meant to be, then maybe that’s where your folks will want to be too – could be that they’re sort of a barometer from God LOL.

    • Frank Swift March 11, 2014 at 2:13 PM #

      That’s why I want to get ‘em out there, if I can do that the mountains will do the rest!

  6. K March 14, 2014 at 7:40 AM #

    So true… and you didn’t even touch upon the terrible LIRR.

    • Frank Swift March 14, 2014 at 9:19 AM #

      I rarely take the LIRR but I know what you mean. The ticket prices are outrageous too.

  7. Denis March 14, 2014 at 8:06 AM #

    You sound like the biggest b**** ever. Go out and get what you want! Stop complaining because you can’t get ahead, it’s your fault not where you live. Your writing is very fairy tail like and you would be better writing about goblins. I wish you luck, I am sorry you and your mom can’t cut it in the real world.

    • Frank Swift March 14, 2014 at 9:18 AM #

      Oh look, a pea brained little troll who can’t spell. You must be a Long Guuuuuuylander.

  8. DarthW March 16, 2014 at 9:39 PM #

    I’d love to visit New York someday, but I don’t think I’d want to live there. I’m a Pennsylvania native, but moved to Tulsa when I was 9. I love the Summer in the East with the cool evenings, but the winters in OK are much easier to bear. The Summer in OK is pretty cruddy. If you consider Colorado, Denver is great, but I bet you’ve been there.

    • Frank Swift March 16, 2014 at 11:53 PM #

      Denver is a great city, but I love the area in Colorado Springs more, and its closer proximity to the mountainside (and Pikes Peak). There’s also the other side of the Colorado mountains ranging from Durango to Montrose. Outside of Denver it’s hard to pick a spot that has a good combination of modernity and yet rustic appeal.

    • Melissa July 30, 2014 at 2:28 PM #

      if people are living with their parents they should have degrees by now to afford to live on their own. Long islanders who feel this way are lazy and negative. Life is what you make of it.. I’ve never seen so many people who just weren’t taught manners and that comes from home….spoiled kids and mouths on adults that make them look and sound ignorant. You have choices in your life you can either choose to blend in with stupidity or grow up! Really!

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 2:54 PM #

      What? Just… what?

      Last I remember, I think the average college debt load after graduating 4-year college was $30,000. Combine that with rent prices (and I’m being generous here) at say $1,500 a month, along with a salary typical of an entry-level job and you’re still somehow suggesting that graduates should easily be able to afford this? We’re not even getting into utilities, car loans, insurance, other bills, etc.


      I mean sure, I guess most LIers can live on their own right after college, if they were A) RICH or B) Getting financial assistance from their parents, which sort of cancels out the living independently thing, or C) share a studio apartment (and a car) with 5 other people.

    • My Name September 12, 2014 at 9:59 PM #

      Mellissa is c–t.

    • bandam December 10, 2014 at 7:25 PM #

      I bet Melissa thinks trickle-down economics wasn’t yanked out of some white guy’s hairy %%% trolololol.

  9. Ashli April 9, 2014 at 10:35 PM #

    Try Morro Bay in California. It’s pretty much paradise.

  10. Ashli April 10, 2014 at 9:40 AM #

    Oh, and I thoroughly enjoyed this post. I laughed, I cried from laughing (okay, not really); it was completely entertaining. I feel bad saying this because Long Island is clearly a source of misery for you, but this was really a great post.

    • Frank Swift April 10, 2014 at 4:22 PM #

      That’s why I love to use humor, it helps take the sting away from the pain.

  11. gurusondra May 6, 2014 at 3:11 AM #

    I hear ya. Came across this while I was trying to figure out if I should move to NYC from Long Island. I agree with most of what you said. There are a lot of moody crazies here and they all do stick together like a sick clique of Michael Kors and dance music loving losers. I have been all over the world and refuse to believe that this is all life has to offer me. If you are different or think outside of the long island box, you get criticized. It was interesting to read the mental institution bit. I had no idea and that’s puts things into perspective. I remember when some huge mental health hospital closed in the eighties due to a mental health law passed by Reagan; we had a huge amount of crazies walking around all over the streets. And then there are the drugs. So many people on heroin and prescription drugs here. I am sure that could be true anywhere but that could partly explain the hot and cold crap. That coupled with a fear to never leave this place and the influence of all the other crazies. One big closed clique. Thank u. This was great. I wish u luck on getting out of here. Please wish me some.

    • Frank Swift May 6, 2014 at 11:50 AM #

      Definitely wish you luck as well. I hope you can find a place that will truly make you happy.

  12. ILoveCali May 15, 2014 at 7:50 AM #

    I can totally relate to most of what you described. My wife and I moved from Northern California to Long Island for a year because of a job. So we lived in Selden (next to Centereach in Suffolk County). Primarily, we were open and have considered living in Long Island for the long term, IF we’d like it… However, it didn’t take too long for us to realize that Long Island is indeed straight out ugly, overrated, backwards, and an overpriced mediocrity at best.

    Let’s start off with the people, the residents – the “Long Islanders”. The easiest way of knowing them is on the road – as drivers! As soon you get on a busy street, or on any Long Island highway, it’s very noticeable; most are unruly drivers. They easily honk you for the littlest, or sometimes for unknown reasons. They’re impatient and hostile, especially on the road. You’d see accidents almost everywhere, anytime! Their unpredictable driving behavior causes majority of accidents. Especially, on major highways such as 495 or 347, everyday! People are uptight and flat out rude! That’s something we’re not used to, especially for people like us who were from California.

    We’re from Sacramento (the state Capital), a beautiful, very decent, quite busy, but relaxed big city. Sacramento is slightly overshadowed, as compared to other big cities in California; San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, Oakland, and San Jose. You see, California has many “A-list”, or “all-star” cities, so-to-speak, that Sacramento, a big major city seems to look mediocre. But bring Sacramento to Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, Connecticut, or even to New York State, let’s say, and the city will stand out! People would find it as a gorgeous and a lovable place to live and settle (at least compared to Long Island, Albany, Buffalo, Dover, Philadelphia, Trenton, or even Hartford).

    Californians are much nicer and more polite in comparison. Generally, our driving attitude and skills are different; we are predictable, consistent, patient, considerate, and we give way! We don’t honk if it can be avoided. But that doesn’t mean we’re pushovers on the road! Remember, we drive on the world’s fastest and the best coordinated highway system everyday. Enforced by the country’s greatest State police, the iconic, California Highway Patrol, or “CHiPs” (just as the 70’s TV show)! So we know how it is to drive assertively when necessary and to live life in the fast lane!

    If you live in California, you’re used to the true high standards of living and the genuine kindness that you’ll NEVER find in Long Island. And I may have to agree with you saying that you’d sometimes find friendlier people in New York City than in Long Island. Maybe because of the cultural maturity, diversity, and openness of the people from New York City — mostly educated and cultured residents, immigrants, and tourists. While, most of the obnoxious New Yorkers in the past have, either relocated, or has retired in Long Island, keeping to themselves just like Scrooge.

    While some Long Islanders may reasonably brag about the beaches out there, I can agree with that. Long Island may have the Hamptons on the south shore, but that’s about it! In California, it’s a matter of fact, we have the best coast and beaches, such as; Malibu, Long Beach, Oceanside (San Diego), the Orange County coast of Southern California. Let’s include; Monterey, San Simeon, San Luis Obispo, Moro Bay, etc. in the central coast, and I can go on and on – not mentioning that long beautiful coastal scenic drive! And I’m just talking about the coast and beaches, don’t forget we have the beauty and variety of the major iconic cities in the world. In northern California, such as the San Francisco Bay Area, Oakland, San Jose/Silicon Valley (the world’s tech hub), all the way to Napa Valley, and eventually to Lake Tahoe (if you miss the snow). With all the wideness and openness of Southern California, cities such as; Los Angeles (Hollywood, Beverly Hills, etc.), Anaheim (Disneyland, and other theme parks, etc.), Orange County to San Diego for some surfing! California is the only U.S. State where you can surf and ski (and more) all on the same day! Yup, for just an hour drive east of Los Angeles are the alps of Big Bear! Again, that’s all a matter of fact! I know individuals in my life, who live in Long Island for some time, who are proven delusional, out of touch, and in need of psychiatric reality check. They firmly believe Long Island is the center of the universe. The greatest and the only perfect place ever created! Unfortunately, they will continue believing this to their dying breath! Ha ha ha!

    However, unlike Long Islanders (who mostly don’t even go to New York City), we, Californians don’t choose to be stuck in a place — we love to travel! We educate ourselves by travelling! We learn and appreciate new places, meet new people, learn their cultures, try new things, like food, etc. We explore our beloved Golden State, as well as the surrounding States! We love to drive on our widest freeways, and why not?? If you live in a beautiful State such as California, why wouldn’t you?? We are pretty much a happy bunch of people here, having a proud sense of belonging and appreciation. We’re relaxed and we simply enjoy life – we’re never hostile people! We may drive fast at times, but it’s all for fun, enjoying the great weather on convertibles cruising (not cursing) our widest freeways – not necessarily rushing to work or somewhere — we simply enjoy! We are deeply proud of our cities and State, and not because it’s printed on a shirt, or on a beer mug, like, you’d buy from a souvenir shop at Times Square, or somewhere, but to the truest essence.

    One thing that really has left a bad taste on us is the rudeness. People seem to have an underlying anger disorder. It’s like a person with a barely average appearance. Once that person is rude to you, suddenly he/she turns ugly inside out. All of a sudden, you’d see everything ugly and negative about that person. That’s Long Island to me personally, and I can’t emphasize it more! The people there, they just don’t like each other! They’re unkind and unfriendly to one another, whether it’s on the road, in a grocery store, at a parking lot, or even while on a train. So when people are rude to you, you become rude to them as well, as a reaction. It’s hard not to, as it’s a natural interactional behavior. Unfortunately, slowly you become one of them – which isn’t good at all! That’s the worst part. Rudeness begets rudeness. Thus, the song that goes like, “Live once in New York, but leave before it makes you hard…”, something like that. So if you want to raise your child to be happy, polite, and enriched with a positive disposition, this isn’t a place for you. So, no wonder, who ever I talked to, every time I said, “I just moved here from California”. They’d give me this certain look, like I’m nuts, or something, and in response, with the look of dismay on their faces, they’d counter, “Really? Are you serious?? Why???” — in that order! Then soon, they’ll start asking me questions about California, describing what they only saw on magazines, TV, or in the movies. It’s sad.

    On the positive side, if there’s one thing from New York (or Long Island) that I wished I can bring home with me to California, it’s the authentic New York pizza! Simply the best, as I don’t need to elaborate. However, as awesome as the pizza is in Long Island, there’s this lack of good variety of restaurants. So even if there’s an abundance of diners (probably every 5 miles), which, they are all essentially just the same! You have to go all the way to New York City and go through the city’s hustle and bustle to dine in a very impressive variety and culturally diverse restaurants. Some restaurants in Long island may be very good to the locals, but not for us — they’re actually just mediocre at best. Sometimes you’re better off eating commercial; TGIF, Cheesecake Factory, etc. than local — at least you know what to expect. Again, that is if you’re used to the high California standard you get locally, especially in Sacramento, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego. …And I’m not even talking about “Viva Las Vegas”, which is in the neighboring state of Nevada. Don’t even get me started… That’s another good reason to live in California, it’s the accessibility and the awesome desert road trip to Las Vegas! But that’s a completely different story, and I don’t want to entice you even more.

    In the past, I often visited New York City, including the beautiful up-State NY area, like Westchester, Whiteplains, etc., and of course, Long Island (both Nassau and Suffolk Counties). In fairness and with all honesty, I was highly impressed of Long Island back then. But I was just a visitor, and had never lived in L.I., unlike recently. So, over the years, I’ve noticed the big difference – Nassau County has become so congested, has increased its traffic, and has become dirty, as it slowly is becoming just like Queens! While Suffolk County has deteriorated! Man, businesses are closing and moving out! I drove around a lot, as part of my job. I met customers and clients in businesses and in residences. I noticed businesses in Smithtown, Brookhaven; Selden, Centereach, Patchogue, Port Jefferson, Bohemia, etc. are in bad shape. Along with that, most towns carry such unhappy demeanor. You’d see many empty business units for rent and are closing down. Some buildings and establishments almost look condemned. It’s just pathetic! You can also include the increase of homeless people around. Again, this is Suffolk County, supposedly one of the richest Counties in the country, and the County where the “Hamptons” are located! It’s just unbelievable!

    The future isn’t quite optimistic at all, as the students from Stony Brook University aren’t actually from Long Island. They’re from New York City, and some are from surrounding states like, NJ, CT, PA, DE, etc. They are there ONLY for the education! It’s highly unlikely that they’ll find a job and settle in Long Island (maybe a minority will), but majority will relocate to more promising cities and states, like California (Silicon Valley, SF, LA, etc…), Seattle, Washington DC, Boston, or other cities. The same can be said about the students of Suffolk County Community College. I recall, when I worked as a business manager, I attended the Smithtown Chamber of Commerce meetings. So, I had the chance to hear Suffolk County Executive, Steven Bellone talk about some very serious concerns of the community; on how to create businesses and opportunities, thus preventing businesses from closing or leaving the County, eventually impacting the local economy. Another was the decreasing of the County’s population, and how to prevent Stony Brook University and Suffolk County Community College graduates who simply relocate to other states due to the lack of opportunities, not just in Suffolk County, but in the entire Long Island. So in a nutshell, Suffolk County’s future is in serious trouble.

    I have to admit, New York City is the greatest city in the world! An iconic global power city! The cultural and financial capital of the world, but it doesn’t mean it extends to nearby conservative Long Island (which is literally just next to New York City). Progress just stops in New York City, and doesn’t spread out east. This is definitely a mystery to me. Though New York City has a significant global impact on fashion, media, commerce, and finance, California on the other hand, is a world leader on multiple industries; leisure and recreation (San Diego; Zoo, SeaWorld, Orange County beaches, Anaheim; Disney theme parks), cultural arts (San Francisco & Los Angeles), agriculture (central California), entertainment (Los Angeles/Hollywood), research, and information technology (San Francisco Bay Area – San Jose/Silicon Valley)! Indeed making California the world’s 8th largest economy (largest in the US), and the number one tourist destination in the world! We almost have everything in California; Hollywood, the hi-tech/IT industry (which practically the whole world is simply benefiting); Yahoo, Google (YouTube, Android), Apple, FaceBook, Twitter, HP, Oracle, etc. — even the adult porn industry, naming a few. California’s economy is even bigger than that of Canada’s. This makes it the greatest and the richest State in the union, as it has always been. Considering California’s setbacks in recent years. Wall Street is nothing without California’s industries. California always is America’s future: wherever California goes, the United States goes. Just as simple and as real as that! California may not have the Whitehouse, Wall Street, Microsoft, BOEING, Detroit’s auto industry, and NASA, but that’s alright. California doesn’t necessarily want to monopolize the world, which somehow it already has, so-to-speak. ; >

    And let’s talk about sports? Well, uh, forget about it. What is there to talk about? I bet every Long Islander sports fanatic is simply embarrassed talking about their favorite team sports. It’s a matter of fact that every Long Island favorite team sucks for the longest time, most notably, the New York Mets (MLB), the New York Jets (NFL), and the New York Islanders (NHL). The New York Knicks (NBA), though they suck big time too, is more of a New York City team than it is Long island. These teams have been all horrible! It’s such a shame that New York has two (2) representing teams for every professional sport, and yet most of them suck, with the considerable exemption of the Giants, Nets, Rangers and the Yankees, that are known to be New York City/up-state teams. But the Yankees are blemished with that A-Rod controversy, making the team being hated even more nationally. Besides, the Yankees aren’t necessarily loved outside the five boroughs of New York City. The Yankees is what the Cowboys is to the NFL, and what the Lakers is to the NBA – together, they’re the top three most despised professional sports teams in America. I realized, the three most beloved Long Island teams; the NY Mets hasn’t won a world series since 1986, The NY Islanders, though they won four in a row (80-83), they last won the Stanley Cup in 1983, and the NY Jets won its’ first and only Super Bowl in 1969! Such a pity! Those were decades ago! It’s been so long that they seem didn’t happen. The younger generation of Long Island sports fans never knew what winning a championship is like, that they might as well live in Cleveland! But that’s just sports, and I’m a guy. You can’t blame me if I’m used to the winning tradition of the San Francisco Bay Area’s professional sports teams. So, talking smack against other sports teams is just normal, and it’s got nothing to do with how ugly Long Island is… well maybe it has. But the bottom line, I just feel pathetic and hopeless about Long Islanders that even their favorite team sucks as Long Island itself. Maybe that adds up to the everyday grumpiness and hostility, who knows.

    Don’t get me wrong! New York City is AWESOME, particularly Manhattan! However, Long Island is not New York City, let alone Manhattan! Long Island may be better off being its own State. Long Island may not be a bad place to some, especially if one is from a non-sophisticated region of the United States, but certainly NOT if you’re from the mid to high-end region of California! Now, we’re back, and we’re relieved and glad we made the right decision in returning. Though we lived for a year in Long Island, we never missed it – not one bit! Overall, we never had a good experience, and we actually despised it.

    • Frank Swift May 15, 2014 at 11:36 AM #

      Pretty much on the money. My personal love affair with a state happens to be Colorado. Even though I haven’t visited when the weather gets really wild, I’d be hard pressed to find a better place to live. :-)

    • RHOOC July 29, 2014 at 9:50 PM #

      Grew up in LA, live on LI.
      Give me LI any day of the week…
      Disgusting, fake, vapid $%^holes.
      Terrible food, horrible music, nice weather.

  13. Doug June 3, 2014 at 4:07 PM #

    I came across this post by Googling, “I hate Long Island”. You are so spot on about the place. I lived there for 6 months in the mid-90s and that was about all I could take of the place. My sister married a guy from there, so she’s had the misfortune of living there for quite some time now. I just came back from visiting them for a week. Man, I could NOT wait to get out of there! What a horrid, sad little place.

    • Frank Swift June 3, 2014 at 8:03 PM #

      I just came back from Colorado, the stark contrast in the attitudes and people between Colorado and Long Island hit me as hard as the humidity did.

  14. Manifold Madness June 5, 2014 at 3:31 PM #

    I suspect in five years or so, Suffolk and Nassau will be applying for ‘emergency aid’ from the federal government in order to ‘meet payroll’ and other obligations. The problem is municipal ‘workers’..who really don’t work. Village, town, county, state ‘workers’ who have driven up costs and debtloads to an unsustainable level. This is a disturbing trend that started in the ’80s. Stewing at the success of neighbors who donned a suit and boarded a train every morning to Manhattan, municipal unions banded together to achieve parity-without losing their current 10 minute commute. Binding arbitration became the order of the day as spineless legislatures refused to stand up to he unions and say ‘no’. Municipal worker salaries and benefit packages began their stratospheric asscent. The system, essentially, was hijacked. Long Island used to manufacture aircraft and durable goods. Now we manufacture prima donna cops and teachers. With their dim prevailing intellect, if they weren’t working in that capacity- they’d be stacking peaches and peppers at Stop & Shop. Long Island truly is a collection of low information, poorly educated morons who are desperately trying to cling to the Long Island of the ’50s through the ’80s. Have a question about the Mets, Yankees, fire trucks or professional wrestling? Boy, ask any Long Islander. Have a question about something that truly matters? Save it for someone from Vermont, Manhattan, Berlin or someplace where a thoughtful, educated response is the norm. The moronic Long Islander’s days are numbered. Obsessed with property and propriety, he will soon discover he has neither as cop taxes teacher and teacher taxes cop into oblivion. Only then will he concede that its ‘time for Florida’, take his 3/4 or better pension to Tampa and procede to bitch about how bad things were for him on Long Island. All the while never considering his neighbors back home who had to really ‘work’ to give him his wonderful retirement in sunny Florida.

    • Frank Swift June 6, 2014 at 3:55 PM #

      The line about Mets, Yankees, fire trucks and professional wrestling being the topic of intellectual discourse is hilarious because it’s so true, especially the fixation on wrestling. The low class trashy elements of Long Island is not something I look down at due to a sense of superiority but because I know they can be better than this. They just choose not to be.

    • Andras July 30, 2014 at 5:01 PM #

      Oh aren’t we all hoity-toity…”I only talk about things that matter with sophisticated Manhattan people not silly pleb things like football with the bride and tunnel crowd.” Last time I checked liking or disliking a sports team has nothing to do with intellectual capacity, go $%ck yaself buddy

  15. ladydontekno June 10, 2014 at 9:02 PM #

    Wow. Where do I even begin with this? I am also a native Long Islander in my 30s, but after reading your blog I am questioning if we’re even from the same place! I spent my 20s running to the city constantly, assuming that there was no culture or life on Long Island. Now, obviously the city will have much more variety, it’s NYC after all. But there’s plenty to do and see here… if you seek it out. Which is the key. A lot of people get bored because they’re not willing to seek out new things, and just assume there’s nothing except the movies and the mall. Many towns have lots of ethnic restaurants (not just pizza and Chinese food, not that there’s anything wrong with that), museums, funky little shops to explore for hours… but if you’re not paying attention, you’ll just assume there’s nothing but strip malls.

    Speaking of things to seek out… yes, it’s a bit harder to find cool people on Long Island, particularly if you’re single. Many things here are geared for people with kids. But again, if you seek them out, you can find cool, intelligent, fun people with more on their mind than last night’s Yankees game. As far as attitudes are concerned? If *every* person you encounter is rude and obnoxious, the problem might not be the people around you. Just saying.

    Yes, Long Island is quite expensive, I won’t disagree there. And I’ve done the whole apartment hunting thing. Not fun at all. But you’re exaggerating quite a bit, we’re nowhere near the SF cost of living. A $2500/month studio? Unless it’s the size of a warehouse, I think you’re making that up. I’ve never seen a studio (or even a one bedroom) for even close to that amount. The fact that you talk about the Hamptons as if only rich people live there makes me wonder if you actually know anything about Long Island real estate. (Hint: most rich people in the Hamptons are visitors, not full time residents.)

    I hope you find your bliss wherever you seek it, but I also don’t think you’ve been fair to your home. If you do a little research, you might just be pleasantly surprised.

    • Frank Swift June 10, 2014 at 9:16 PM #

      The fact that you have to seek it out should provide a clue as to how bad the climate is. In most other places, I wouldn’t have to walk very far to find the “cool” folks because generally everyone is friendly and easygoing. On Long Island it’s akin to being a tornado chaser. You have to constantly search and be at the right place at the right time.

      As for apartments, these links will probably break once the listing is over, but typical one bedrooms are $2500 to start before we’re even getting into utilities:



      If you’ve never seen those prices, then you’re either being dishonest or you’ve never lived in an apartment complex, which is not what I’m referring to when I mention the price range. The cheaper apartments like the ones listed on Craigslist are not so much apartments as they are a part of someone’s private residence, and they are almost always illegal. When you go further out east, they get cheaper, but that’s because the further out you go, the further away from the city (and the jobs) you get.

      Stop defending the indefensible. For most people, Long Island is simply a horrible place to live.

    • Claire Smith July 30, 2014 at 11:16 PM #

      Born and raised in Suffolk on the south shore. Sure long island has its problems but so does every place. My high school was great my childhood was spent taking the ferry to fire island. I love it here and no i’m not some rich snob who has mommy and daddy’s money. You can find someone to write an article like this about any city, state, town whatever. There will always be people who love a place and others who hate it. Sorry you’re LI experience was so terrible.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 11:06 AM #

      I noticed a lot of people who rave about Long Island live out east. I wonder if their experiences would have been the same had they lived in Nassau/Western Suffolk instead?

    • JoJo-A-GoGo August 1, 2014 at 6:24 AM #

      Thanks for touching on his misaligned and inflated rent prices. Yes, the Avalon is expensive, but if you take the time to LOOK instead of b*&^hing, you would be able to find plenty of places to live within your means. I live in a bedroom/2 bathroom condo(that I rent) on the ocean, with all amenities (pool, shared common room, laundry, gym, dog run, parking garage, concierge) within walking distance to the train, town, nightlife, for under what you think a studio costs. It’s not owned by anyone in my family, or friends before you go that route. And there are plenty of places even less expensive, and bigger, off the ocean.

    • Frank Swift August 1, 2014 at 11:13 AM #

      Any how many of those places are up to code and legal to rent? I’m assuming your condo is north of $2000, which is still insane, and you haven’t mentioned if you’re splitting the rent either, or if you’re paying a lower cost due to having a “special” relationship with your landlord (if ya know what i iz sezzin’). If you’re really are paying that rent though, on your own, and live a comfortable life, then you cannot tell me with a straight face that you are a run of the middle classer.

      I mean sure, I could easily find an affordable apartment in say, Hempstead, if I looked hard enough, but eventually you start to get tired of all the police sirens and the roaches.

  16. Melissa Lanza June 12, 2014 at 9:10 PM #

    Outstanding! You’ve captured the essence of this vile place.

    • Frank Swift June 12, 2014 at 11:54 PM #

      Thank you, took a long while before I decided to write this post, but I wanted to make sure I got it all right.

  17. fran_tasia@yahoo.com June 15, 2014 at 10:55 AM #

    I am a Long Island Native. Left LI in Sept. of 2011 and left with my husband and daughter and head south to North Carolina. We stayed there for 2-1/2 years. We moved back to Long Island just 6 weeks ago. I can’t tell you how much we can’t stand it anymore! Frank (and many others), your blog here is so RIGHT ON! In just 2 years, we have seen how badly Long Island has deteriorated; the traffic, rudeness, filth…all of it. I just can relate so much to this post. We are looking to head straight back to North Carolina at the end of July…approx. 6 weeks from now. Although we didn’t move to one of the top areas of NC when we left, I will go back there in a heartbeat! We have a friend down there who has offered for us to stay with here until we find a new place to rent. I thought that I was a “New Yorker” at heart. Now, I must say, I no longer WANT to be a New Yorker. I am just disgusted by everything here. Long Island has gone downhill in every aspect.

    • fran_tasia@yahoo.com June 15, 2014 at 11:02 AM #

      Please forgive my typos…I had such an adrenaline rush and wanted to get it off my chest immediately….

    • Frank Swift June 15, 2014 at 11:53 AM #

      Haha, no problem, let it all out. ;-)

      BTW, what part of North Carolina if you don’t mind me asking? Western NC has been one of the areas I’ve considered moving to due to the proximity to the Smokies/Blue Ridge Mountains, or more likely Eastern Tennessee. I’m always curious to see how former NYers adapt to living there and how it worked out for them.

    • Jen from NoVA July 30, 2014 at 11:17 AM #

      There are a bunch of LIers that have moved down to the research Triangle area – Raleigh, Durham, Greensboro, and Cary (which the locals say stands for Containment Area for Relocated Yankees). They have said that it is a much nicer pace of living, cheaper, and without the LI drama. It is, however, the South. No real winter, lots of heat.

      I moved down to the Northern Virginia area in 1997 when I was 26 for a job in IT and I haven’t (really) looked back. I miss certain aspects of LI (family, beaches, ~60 min train trip to the city, pizza/bagels/delis/etc.) but the reasons why I moved away remain and have grown larger and harder to bear for those who stayed. I am always worrying about my parents – their neighborhood has gone steadily downhill over time and their property value is crap.

      There is no easy answer. :(

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:38 PM #

      I feel for you Jen, I hope your parents find a way out too.

  18. fran_tasia@yahoo.com June 15, 2014 at 8:47 PM #

    Hi Frank…We were in the southern part of NC; Gastonia. Not the best place (imho). Approx. 30 minutes from the North Carolina border. Went there specifically, ’cause I have a friend who lives in the “nice” part of Gastonia. I would love to take the time to research other areas of NC, but time is pretty much of the essence at this point. Can do more investigation once back down there. I am just so darn disappointed. Did head out to Greenport, Long Island yesterday. But the traffic and rudeness were still quite apparent. Wasn’t as dirty as Nassau & Western Suffolk. I do hear that Tennessee is really nice; Gatlinburg, around that area. Again, wish I had the time to research it. Might do so once re-settled. Heck of alot of moving in 2 months going on here! :) Truth is, my heart is no longer here. Just feel like hopping on a plane at MacArthur….tonight!! lol.

    • Frank Swift June 17, 2014 at 12:19 AM #

      Thanks for replying! I’ve heard mixed things about Charlotte and the surrounding areas, so I guess your mileage will vary. I’d prefer to be as close to the mountains as possible especially in the south, I think depending on your proximity they provide a little bit of temperate cover from the usual southern heat and humidity.

      All things considered though, Colorado would be my ultimate destination. ;-)

  19. Suzanne July 10, 2014 at 9:19 AM #

    I cannot agree more. I just graduated from a small suny school in western New York and compared to this dump, it’s a wonderland. Of course, growing up with the ethnocentric attitude that Long Island is the best place in the world next to nyc, I was reluctant to attend this school, located in a small, somewhat rural village, near Lake Erie. Now after 4 years I become more devastated every time I have to leave my paradise to come home to this craphole. And I shouldn’t say home. Where I went to college is my home. It’s a place one can breathe fresh air, see the stars at night, go for beautiful walks, be surrounded by kind human beings, and feel a general sense of well-being at all times. Every time I step off that bus or train arriving back here for break I instantly feel suffocated by a wall of thick, moist, nasty, dirty air. It’s always a great preface for what my mood will be in the coming weeks of break, and an accurate symbol of the overall scum pool this place is. The worst part of Long Island is how proud people are of their “strong island” heritage. Go figure, when almost everyone who lives here grew up in this dump their whole lives and never dared venture anywhere else for more than a vacation. #$%&ing closed-minded, arrogant, privileged #$%&holes people are on this garbage land. I am so glad I found this article and at least someone who lacks STRONG ISLAND pride as much as I do. Living elsewhere, it’s hard not to pity the people here and the boring lives they live, thinking they have it made. I really wish Sandy would’ve sunk the whole thing in the Atlantic Ocean once and for all. Her message was a wise one. Wiping out all those houses along the beaches was her way of saying they shouldn’t #$%&ing be there. It goes to show that in the end nature gets the last laugh, which leads me to my next point. Long Island has some beautiful nature; beaches, ocean, etc. It’s hard to know though, because most of it has been built over with houses and strip malls. A few nice sites remain, including Caumsett State Park, a little slice of heaven that feels like it’s own world. Other than that, even jones beach is polluted by constant human noise and garbage. It’s heartbreaking to see the place becoming more rowdy and grimy all the time. Last time I checked, a beach is a beach. Go to the club to party. The last and most despicable aspect of this place is the people; trashy, arrogant, unfriendly, and as you put it so accurately, downright crazy. Get out while you can. I am doing everything in my power to make sure I don’t have to be here for more than another year.

    • Frank Swift July 10, 2014 at 11:42 AM #

      It’s a shame because I always say I hate New York, but it’s really the island I hate, while I love the city and upstate. if it wasn’t for the state taxes I’d probably carve out a place to live near the Adirondacks myself. Some beautiful country there.

      If you’re near Lake Erie you should take a trip across the border into Pennsylvania to visit Allegany Park. Some really nice scenery from what I hear.

      Good luck to you as well!

  20. Ann B. July 11, 2014 at 10:36 AM #

    It’s actually heaven compared to suburban Detroit, which is inhabited by cannibals.

    • Frank Swift July 11, 2014 at 4:22 PM #

      I heard two cannibals were eating a clown in Detroit. One of them said to the other, “This taste a bit funny to you?”

    • Bob August 4, 2014 at 7:00 PM #

      As someone who is neither from long island, nor detroit, but has lived in both for long enough to speak from experience: long island is far worse than detroit. Detroit at least is gritty and has character and the people are good to each other and have personalities. Long island residents were long ago placated into idiocy by their starbucks and outlet malls.

    • Frank Swift August 4, 2014 at 10:00 PM #

      Ever watch the show Detroit 1-8-7? I think it’s still available on Netflix. Excellent show, and filmed on location too.

  21. LINY July 15, 2014 at 12:28 AM #

    I’m a life-long native Long Islander as well. I have lived in Connecticut, NYC, North Carolina and Florida but I’ve spent the vast majority of my life on the South Shore of Suffolk county. I’m very well traveled and I have to say, the more I travel, the more I come to appreciate everything that Long Island has to offer. It sounds as if you’re looking at it through an extremely negative lens. The only thing I agree with is the dismal housing options for young, single professionals, but other than that, everything in this blog is very distorted and negative. There are bad and good people everywhere. At least Long Island doesn’t have rednecks like the rest of the country does!! The beaches and parks are truly amazing, there are unparalleled boating options and endless, beautiful bays and harbors. There are farms, wineries, quaint little towns, wonderful places to fish, kayak, surf, clam, sail, pick fruit, go horseback riding….etc. How much time have you honestly spent on Fire Island or in Montauk or the Hamptons? Fire Island is pure magic!!!! While some may call it “crazy” or “neurotic,” I personally appreciate how blunt and honest Long Islanders are. I prefer that to the sugar-coated pretentious attitudes that can be found elsewhere. I have spent the vast majority of the past decade commuting to NYC, and I have to say that I truly love how I can be in Manhattan in about an hour and then be transported to another, quieter, more quaint universe when I come home at night. I know I’m in the minority (and this statement may cause me to be labeled as one of your “typical Long Island crazies”, but after doing so much traveling, I have really come to love and appreciate the LIRR!! Most other suburban areas in this country simply do not have the public transportation options that Long Island does. Most of my friends have struggled with challenging housing situations (living with roommates, family…etc),throughout their 20s and early 30s but are all finally at a place, financially, where they have purchased their own homes. None of them fit your bi-polar criteria as they are not wealthy or poor and did not have any help financial help from their parents since college.

    I’m sorry that your experience with Long Island has been so negative. Perhaps you might consider looking at yourself, rather than blaming your inner unhappiness on Long Island because you sound like the type of person who will never experience true happiness and the unshakable inner peace that comes with it.

    • Frank Swift July 15, 2014 at 12:46 AM #

      Eh, it’s like they say, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, yadda yadda yadda…

      I do agree that Fire Island (and Montauk) are beautiful places, but I’ve already noted that there are beautiful places here, it’s just offset by the massive ocean of humanity that makes it an ordeal just to get to them. You always have to time your excursions around traffic patterns, otherwise the stress of getting to one particular place supersedes any hope of having a good time and relaxing.

      To say nothing of the insane number of people infesting the parks on weekends, you also have an unprecedented concentration of ticks and other icky bugs that are more concentrated here than anywhere else in the country.

      I don’t see how you could call Long Island quaint though unless you live somewhere east of Shirley (or maybe Oakdale). That far out east I could begin to see a little of what Long Island used to be, but much of it is too congested, loud and perversely chaotic otherwise. Some people can get past all that and appreciate what LI does have to offer, but I’m not one of them.

    • Suzanne July 15, 2014 at 6:37 PM #

      Suffolk is definitely quieter and in my opinion, nicer and less chaotic and congested than Nassau. All those quaint little towns are great but they are either out in Suffolk or on the north shore and the most expensive areas in the world to live. Go upstate, and you’ll find quaint, small towns with beautiful old houses and not have to be filthy rich to live there. Same with the parks; mostly either in Suffolk or on the north shore. I’ve only ever experienced that quiet, quaintness on occasional trips but the environment I grew up on on a day-to-day basis is not like that at all. Imagine yourself living in Nassau (not the insanely wealthy parts) and maybe you’ll understand why people complain

  22. frank klien July 15, 2014 at 7:41 PM #

    Yes u are rite. People here are hot and cold. It’s all about appearances and they do not speak the truth. Not to mention that it’s one of the most segregated areas in the United States. They don’t know how to enjoy life because they do same thing day after day sticking to their routine and wasting their lives. About time someone spoke up.

    • Fig July 20, 2014 at 4:47 AM #

      They’re basically all low class and mostly white trash. And when I say class I’m not talking about money. You can have money and still be white trash. That’s the irony of it all.

    • Frank Swift July 20, 2014 at 11:51 AM #


      I find it surprising that it would take guts to air my views about LI though. Most people I talk to here tend to start nodding their heads in agreement when I launch into another one of my anti-LI screeds. Even back in college it was the same way, with even life long natives telling me it must be something in the water.

  23. Victor July 24, 2014 at 4:36 PM #

    You are absolutely correct. Long Island is the worst place I have ever been it is expensive for no good reason. I have traveled all over the world and the people in Long Island are the bottom of the barrel. Rude, stupid, cheap and racist especially north shore i.e. Manhasset, Great Neck. Some have money but they act like they are something special when they are not. I was around money as I lived in the Midwest but was not arrogant and racist as these long islanders. It is nice to know that other people hated long island as much as I do. As soon as you cross the bridge to get out of long island people start normalize. When I first came to this god forsaken island I felt like Jack Shepard from Lost ” where the h*** have I landed.” To all those who can escape leave now long island is absolutely miserable!!!!

    • Frank Swift July 24, 2014 at 6:03 PM #

      Funny thing, I’ve sometimes compared LI to the island in Lost. At least we don’t have any polar bears. >_>

  24. Greg July 26, 2014 at 10:58 AM #

    I don’t know how anyone can take anything you said here seriously. You are obviously very jaded and depressed person if all you look at is the negative side of things. I’m an introvert too and experienced nothing of what you speak of, and I have worked in retail for over 15 years so I do see people at there worst. Maybe if you put out a positive happy vibe the feeling would be reciprocated. You are what is wrong with Long Island. Too many people that don’t want to be here and they know how to do is complain about it. Maybe if you left it would make it better for everyone else. Rather than complaining about being here, move away to some place you actually like (which will most likely be no where if all you do is look at the negative). Grow up and leave rather than staying around and complaining about a beautiful place that has more opportunities than most other places in the world

    • Frank Swift July 26, 2014 at 12:39 PM #

      Greg, thank you for proving the very point I and others here have made about Long Islanders.

    • Gunner August 2, 2014 at 12:55 PM #

      Frank, you’ve proven you’re a Long Islander too.

    • Frank Swift August 3, 2014 at 12:58 PM #

      I prefer to think of it as being afflicted with the virulent disease of Long Islanditis, and the only cure is to move.

    • LI YANKEE GIRL March 6, 2015 at 7:50 PM #


    • Frank Swift March 7, 2015 at 1:11 PM #

      Aren’t you just precious. Who wouldn’t want to wake up next to you every morning?

    • LI YANKEE GIRL March 16, 2015 at 8:05 PM #

      Ur just retarted and reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy need to probably get a job, a life off the computer and most likely video games, a chick that would want to be with the guy who sat in the corner of the lunch room or guy maybe you swing the other way….who knows or cares NOBODYYYYY CARESSSSS THIS S**T KEEPS POPPING UP IN MY EMAILLLLL GO OUTTTTTT GO OUTSIDEEEE GO WORKKKKKKK GO AWAYYYYYYYYY GET OFF THE ISLAND LEAVE UGLY F***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GEEZZZ YOU F****ING LOSER!!!!!!!!!

    • Frank Swift March 16, 2015 at 8:53 PM #

      Um, that’s what happens when you subscribe to my posts. If you don’t want to see them, there’s a little thing called “UNSUBSCRIBE” under each email notification you get. This ain’t hard.

  25. Gerry July 29, 2014 at 6:39 AM #

    I can’t agree any more with what you’ve said here. I lived in queens for the first 23 years of my life before I moved to Long Island. I’m 30 now and in between that I’ve lived in North Carolina for almost 2 years. Long Island is a pretty messed up place, I’m just thankful that I have all my friends in queens because if I had to handout here or make friends out here (which I did for the first year or two I moved out here) I would go absolutely crazy. One day I will leave this sh***y place, but until then I will have to sit back and deal with this #$%^ed up community that in my eyes have probably only left Long Island a handful of times. It’s like they can’t function with other people and have no drive to see the world or new things. Well one again that was very well said and it was a great read! I will be passing this on to all of my FB friends!

  26. stefanie July 29, 2014 at 11:33 AM #

    I hope wherever you move to, you stop blaming women and your surroundings for your misery. The grass is not always greener.

    Long Island is a great place to live and raise a family. We have excellent schools, low crime rates and we have JOBS.

    I have lived in other states, and nothing compares to Long Island. We can be at a beach in less than 30 minutes from nearly anywhere on the Island. There are people that travel from all over the world to see our beaches.

    Best wishes on finding a job out of state, you’ll never make the salary you do here, anywhere else. Cost of living is relative. Your next apartment may be cheaper, but you’ll be making less money.

    The “struggle is real,” as they say, everywhere.

    Good luck.

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 12:11 PM #

      The grass may not always be greener, but it’s definitely cheaper! I’ve done the math, and on average you must make at least $20,000 MORE in annual salary to maintain the same standard of living on Long Island. Whatever high salary people earn here is cancelled out by the exorbitant cost of living and the high taxes. You cannot tell me that $2000-$3000 mortgages and $400,000 homes are reasonable. There’s a reason the majority of Long Islanders up to 34 years of age still live with their parents.

      “There are people that travel from all over the world to see our beaches.”

      Ignorance is not an excuse for stupidity. :) I truly hope you weren’t referring to Jones Beach, because if you were you’re either trolling like crazy, or you must actually like sharing one square foot of sand with 5 million other people.

      You want to see real beaches, go to California. (Yes, I’ve been there, and LI beaches are compost heaps in comparison.)

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 12:23 PM #

      And for the record, the struggle may be real everywhere, but I’d rather struggle in a place where there’s a sense of community and togetherness, room to breathe, and scenery to enjoy, than to share a stuffed up island with the likes of obnoxious dweebs like you.

  27. Mike July 29, 2014 at 1:58 PM #

    HA! I love it. Especially your statement about the total destruction of the middle class. We moved to Austin, TX 4 years ago and accomplished more in the first year of living in Austin than we were able to accomplish in 27 years of growing up on Long Island. That says a lot.

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 3:32 PM #

      Mike, haha, I’ve been to Austin. I hope you’re helping to keep it weird there, as the locals say. ;-)

      It’s funny because I read the taxes were a bit higher compared to the rest of the state, but still NOWHERE as bad as here. Maybe I’ll see you guys next time I visit SXSW! :)

  28. Chris July 29, 2014 at 2:33 PM #

    Hey Frank, did you ever think that you are just a whiny little ^&**^ that thinks he is owed everything? You get a sense of entitlement to express how you hate a place but all it is doing is labeling you as a complainer, Maybe that’s why people are obnoxious to you. Good luck making it elsewhere, you might find a nice meth lab somewhere to work at in the Midwest. Long Island is not the problem it’s you and it hates little p%&&s like you even more..so before you complain about something next time make sure you get your facts straight because half the #%#$ you said is false. Put your big boy pants on and make a change maybe the @%^@$ job that you had? Or the @#%^ area you lived in?

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 3:42 PM #

      I’m letting this comment through because, LOL.

      Suffolk had 3 meth labs, so if you were thinking Long Island is special snowflakey due to an absence of meth labs, well there goes that theory. Although I do admit meth ain’t that big here, mostly because everyone seems to prefer cocaine instead.

    • Steven February 22, 2015 at 11:57 AM #

      I grew up on Long Island and I’m very happy to say I left that cesspool for northern California waaaay back in ’79 and I ain’t never gonna live there again! Long Island is flat, gray, dismal, ugly, boring, the weather sucks and most of the people there are either clueless chowderheads or angry spirit crushing azzholes. You can have that patch of nasty glacial waste. I’m just glad I didn’t listen to anyone back there who thought I was nuts for leaving. And most of them had hardly been anywhere else! “Hey, all we know is sh&^, so we’ll be happy to live in it!” NOT ME, BUBBIE!!! I’m glad I left that craphole and I hope you get to leave too, Frank. Don’t think about it, juts find your happy zone, pick up and MOVE THERE! Mine is the Bay Area and I’m glad I call it my home now and forever!

    • Frank Swift February 22, 2015 at 12:00 PM #

      Thanks Steven, hopefully it’ll just be a few more months before I finally take off as well. :)

  29. thomas July 29, 2014 at 3:50 PM #

    I’m from long island none of the information above is correct except for the mental hospitals this article bashes the people of long island some of the biggest stars came from long island such as Billy Joel jerry Seinfeld long islanders are NOT mentally unstable

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 3:54 PM #

      Based on the grammar of the trolls here I can see Long Island schools are continuing to do their usual bangup jobs educating our future generations.

  30. Vala July 29, 2014 at 4:01 PM #

    I wholeheartedly agree with every single thing in this article. I definitely enjoyed reading it, thanks for the good laugh!
    I moved to LI from Greenland when I was 14 because my father got a job there but my gosh it was the biggest culture shock for me. The people were insane and I literally thought everything about that place was a complete crapshoot. That’s literally the only word I can use to describe it, haha. I somewhat enjoyed the warmer weather but that alone still can’t do much justice. Our apartment was insanely expensive and I literally couldn’t get much clothes for warmer weather because we didn’t have much money after all taxes and expenses were paid for. And all the crime! I have never heard so much crime in one day…
    Luckily my parents realised what a mistake it was living here so after 3 years we moved to Denmark, haha. At LI we felt like outsiders and I was always judged for my accent and stereotyped that I lived in an igloo and killed polar bears for a living (or something like that). At supermarkets people asked if my mom was challenged due to the fact that she couldn’t speak much English at the time and that I had to talk in her place. Not cool!! Who even asks things like that anyway??
    Anyway, I’m glad to leave the place. I hope you move away to a place you’ll like better (pssst move to Denmark! :D)

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 4:07 PM #

      Thanks Vala! Sorry that your family had such a poor experience here, but I’m glad you’re living in a better place now. :D I won’t be stuck here forever either, just a few more months to go!

  31. Bruce Weinstein July 29, 2014 at 4:05 PM #

    I am originally from Long Island. I live just outside of DC now in Northern VA. What I tell people if they ask me where I am from is that simply…”I was born and raised on Long Island…one day I got lucky and got to escape.”

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 4:09 PM #


    • Vala July 29, 2014 at 4:10 PM #

      hahaha I like that response

  32. jd111358 July 29, 2014 at 4:16 PM #

    i agree with you on Suffolk county…….but its not Nassau county.
    But I did leave in 1977………

  33. Mike July 29, 2014 at 4:33 PM #

    I completely agree with you Frank! Escaping Long Island is part of my Five Year Plan. I’ll be 50 by then, but better late than never.

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 4:44 PM #

      Yep, it’s never too late Mike, it took me 14 years but the wait is nearly over.

  34. Ben Y. July 29, 2014 at 5:35 PM #

    9/11 killed lower New York. NYC because a paranoid 12 year old and Long Island became an overdeveloped ($*%hole with city sh*#*.

    Sooner I can get to Upstate New York or Western Massachusetts for my sanity the better.

    I also congratulate you on having a hatred to the entirety of Long Island on par with my hatred for New York Islanders fans….melodramatic ($*%s.

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 5:42 PM #

      I can’t decide what’s worse, the perpetual depression of a Mets fan or the insanity of an Islanders fan.

    • Ben Y. July 29, 2014 at 7:22 PM #

      We are saving our glee for when the Wilpons bleed enough financially to sell the team. ; )

      At any rate thanks for the chuckle. This article sums up Long Island sadly all too well….even if a lie that all the girls cosplay as succubus….hue hue.

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 7:25 PM #

      Ben, well my original pic of a typical LI girl was that of a drunk Lindsay Lohan in a, shall we say, less than flattering pose, but I decided to be nice.

  35. Kevin July 29, 2014 at 6:45 PM #

    Don’t go around saying “For most people, Long Island is simply a horrible place to live”. What are you basing this off of? All the other people who didn’t have friends in high school that are agreeing with this post? Don’t blame your surrounding for you not being able to make friends.

    As for the Hamptons being “the only place to get away from it all”, you clearly have never been to Manhasset, Garden City, Locust Valley, Hewlett Harbor etc. I’m sure all of the professional athletes and CEO’s that live in these towns can attest to the fact that Long Island is not as “grimy, disgusting, vile, evil, filthy, overpopulated” as you make it out to be.

    Get over the fact that you didn’t have any friends in high school. Get over the fact that you couldn’t find a girlfriend (probably due to the whole no friends thing). While you’re at it, get the $#^$ out of Long Island, I’m sure no one will miss you.

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 6:50 PM #

      Well aren’t you precious.

      As for the Hamptons being “the only place to get away from it all”, you clearly have never been to Manhasset, Garden City, Locust Valley, Hewlett Harbor etc. I’m sure all of the professional athletes and CEO’s that live in these towns can attest to the fact that Long Island is not as “grimy, disgusting, vile, evil, filthy, overpopulated”…”

      You’re absolutely right, allow me to amend my statement: Long Island is not a grimy, disgusting, vile, evil, filthy, overpopulated place as long as your collective net financial worth is more than most third world countries. Thank you so much for setting me on the straight and narrow. I finally see the light now.

    • Suzanne July 29, 2014 at 7:42 PM #

      Gotta love how people are defending Long Island as a great place through money and famous people. True bubble mentality inherent of this place.

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 8:29 PM #

      Baffling, to argue that small enclaves on the north shore belonging to the super rich is somehow proof positive that the rest of the island is totes super awesome too. Did I really just read that?

      Bert Reading

    • Suzanne July 29, 2014 at 9:04 PM #

      And I guess since famous athletes and CEOs like it here, it must be a great place. How could I have been so dumb as to argue with the rich and famous!?

    • Kevin July 30, 2014 at 12:23 AM #

      Really? You’re the one that said the Hamptons was the only place where you can get away from it all and I was simply pointing out that there is more than one place on Long Island that isn’t grimy or vile. There are many wealthy areas and many poor areas on Long Island, but you probably wouldn’t have made friends in any of the areas based on this post.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:29 AM #

      Sorry, I tend to have difficulty making friends with people who are insufferable dipsticks. It’s kind of a thing with me.

  36. Mic, not Mike July 29, 2014 at 7:04 PM #

    Frank, have you ever read “Dubliners” by James Joyce? Reading it was my final wake up call, and since then I have been searching for an opportunity to a life outside this bubble we call Long Island. I sure do hope that you become one of the few fortunate ones who finds a permanent way out!

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 7:11 PM #

      Mic, thanks for the book rec, haven’t read it but you’ve got me curious! (will check it out on Kindle). Hope you find a way out too! Tip: if you’re job searching, the trick is to not mention where you’re from when they ask you. ;-)

  37. Vinny July 29, 2014 at 7:15 PM #

    To each his own. LI is LI. Florida is Florida where the sun fries your brain and your hair! Colorado is full of druggies driving down one way streets cause they are too stoned to know where they are going.
    NC is back country and unless you are born there, you don’t fit in.
    You can say all you want about LI. Your comments are your comments.

  38. AllieAllie July 29, 2014 at 7:55 PM #

    Do you know anything about Bipolar Disorder? This line makes the writer come off as the ignorant one… —> “Long Island natives have an unusual proclivity for bipolar behavior, a reality that made my time growing up here a less than pleasant one. Hot one day, cold the next.”

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 8:23 PM #

      I’m not a psychologist, but here’s the definition of Bipolar Disorder:

      “Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks…” http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder/index.shtml

      This is exactly the BEHAVIOR I see in Long Islanders around me, so how is it ignorant? I’m not making a clinical diagnosis here, I’m observing behavior, and what I see clearly seems to fit that definition. Sometimes a spade really is a spade.

    • Emily Smith August 3, 2014 at 9:07 PM #

      You, sir, seem to be quite the idiot. How is it possible to group more than seven million people as this? I could take any city I’ve lived in, focus on the absolute worst things that happened to me there, and write a scathing article. Grow up and move on, please.

    • Frank Swift August 3, 2014 at 10:16 PM #

      You know I’m wondering: is it the constant herpes outbreaks that always put you otherwise fine LI ladies in such a foul mood?

  39. Allie July 29, 2014 at 8:13 PM #

    Aside from the offensive comments about “craziness,” which the number of asylums is most likely a direct result from living outside of a populated city…. I’m also a LI native and I’ve lived elsewhere in the world and completely understand where you’re coming from. At the same time, I am forever grateful.

    When it comes to the luck of the womb, we won. The cultural collision of ungrateful “natives” and immigrants has definitely created a bizarre cocktail of pride, entitlement and confusion. Sometimes it’s interesting but for the most part…. it’s not cute, I get it. I despise materialism and superficiality.

    At the same time, I’m about to pack up and move to a third world country for over two years in a few weeks and the thought alone makes me that much more grateful. There are beautiful areas on the island. Check out the state parks, hiking trails, beaches, wineries, planting fields arboretum….

  40. Stephanie wilder July 29, 2014 at 8:34 PM #

    You really should think about if it is the Long Island natives or just you. Maybe you, and people like you are the problem. If you don’t like where you live, move. Not one insane Long Island native is asking you to stay here. You are a native and it’s unbelievable that you have not one nice thing to say. You grew up with a beach not 10 minutes away from you no matter where you are, beautiful sunsets, great night life, and million of things to do. Don’t take out a bad childhood on the place you grew up.

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 8:44 PM #

      You really should think about if it is the Long Island natives or just you.

      Ok, let me think about it… nope, it’s the natives.

      I did say Fire Island was nice somewhere upthread, so there’s that.

      I also don’t get the naivete in believing that people can just pick up and leave if they don’t like it here. Uprooting a family, securing a new job/career change and putting down roots elsewhere is not as easy as it sounds.

  41. Alex Jerez (@notalexjerez) July 29, 2014 at 10:42 PM #

    I enjoyed this. LI can really be a caricature of itself sometimes.

    • Frank Swift July 29, 2014 at 10:45 PM #

      Good Lord you’re not kidding.

  42. craigneedsabike July 29, 2014 at 11:58 PM #

    You and I must have grown up on different Long Islands. I’m 30, born and raised in Oakdale and Sayville, have traveled all around the world (I’m a musician by trade, have done lots and lots of touring) and the more I’ve traveled away from home (I live in Brooklyn now, kinda sorta technically still LI) the more I appreciate it. I grew up clamming and fishing and surfing and boating, spending summers on Fire Island (which, contrary to what you claim, was/is never crowded, which is what I like about it), camping at Hither Hills or West Hills or Bear Mountain or Ten Mile River…I made great friends in the LI music scene who are still my buddies to this day and are good people. Yes, traffic sucks. It sucks in every part of the world where there are a lot of people. Ever driven around in Athens or Shanghai or London or even Atlanta? WAY worse. I’m sure I will not change your mind about how you feel and you’re entitled to it but man, hating some place that has a lot going for it if you just change your perspective a bit must take a lot of energy.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:21 AM #

      I’m glad you’ve had a good life here, and for those who are REALLY into the water, I’m sure people will find more to love about LI.

  43. Adam July 30, 2014 at 12:11 AM #

    Long Island’s tourism slogan should be “A Terrible Place.” As a native New Jerseyan I wish people would stop with the negative NJ stereotypes and redirect them to LI where they belong. Also you’re totally spot on with the bipolar nature of the people. I dated a girl from Long Beach and there was no way to know how she’d be feeling one day to the next.

  44. Randy July 30, 2014 at 12:11 AM #

    Worst part about Long Island is that neighbors can live down the street from you and you have no idea what their names are. This new family moved into a house on my block a few years back. Whenever my mom would go out for a walk in the morning, she’d try saying hi to them and they didn’t even acknowledge her existence.

    That’s the overall feel of the place, people are way too focused on making friends/acquaintances with those who have something to offer them. If you don’t have anything for me to care about, then I’m not gonna care about you. I bet if my family saved that family from their house burning down, they still wouldn’t befriend us.

    Even the people that you know. If you aren’t directly associated with something in their life, you become a complete stranger to them. I’d see people going out for bagels in the morning that I knew from playing soccer or baseball (parents mostly) and we wouldn’t even acknowledge that we had a past. Just like the author, I’m pretty introverted by nature but I bet things would of been different had I grown up elsewhere.

    Now I live in Connecticut. It’s a step up but not by much. At least the people here make an attempt at being friendly. Most are pretty simple minded, but ever since moving into my condo I’ve made acquaintances with most of my neighbors. And from that I know I can trust living around them while that wouldn’t be the case on Long Island.

    Long Island is materialist, rude and devoid of warmth and comfort. The only redeeming quality is that it’s close enough to the city where the food is still pretty good and for the most part there are places to eat that don’t feel typical of the peninsula. I think that’s it. It’s not even an island. it’s a goddamn peninsula. There’s your answer to the most complicated place in America, it can’t even define itself correctly so how the hell do you expect the people to be sane?

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:26 AM #

      That’s one telling thing outsiders aren’t aware of about Long Island. I had a friend who was visiting out of state and happened to mention having relatives in Massapequa. One of the locals knew someone there and went, “Oooooh, do you know XXXXXX??” Not realizing there’s like, 5000 people per square foot here, LOL. It isn’t merely the rudeness, the sheer mass of people just makes it impossible to have that sense of tight-knit community people in other areas of the country sometimes take for granted.

  45. Lizzy July 30, 2014 at 12:31 AM #

    Ah, another Long Islander who understands. It’s nice to read someone else’s thoughts on this island who are in the same predicament . I hope you find you find a job off this island and can finally move away from this place we are forced to call home ;)

    By the way, not everyone is terrible. Just about 95% of the population. There are few, genuine & selfless people who still care for one another here .

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:39 AM #

      It’s a chore weeding your way through the 95% just to get the 5%. Like a journey to Mordor.

  46. tata gloomp July 30, 2014 at 12:35 AM #

    Long Island is a cultural vacuum. Good luck finding any night life besides tribute bands, dance clubs and sports bars. but I think that statement can be made about pretty much anywhere in the US aside from major artistic centers. While were at it, I say the whole US sucks ass. It’s basically barbaric the way the people let the government treat them.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:44 AM #

      LOL, I agree with that regarding LI (obviously) but I haven’t seen that in a lot of the cities I’ve visited around the country, each with their own particular blend of culture and awesomeness.

  47. Louis Trapani July 30, 2014 at 1:04 AM #

    I am the first person to complain about Long Island and I often do. That said, it comes down to focus. The people you surround yourself with and what you choose to engage in. I can think of plenty of other places which are far worse. As for L.I., yeah, it’s expensive, culture thrives only in pockets where you can find it, no nightlife to speak of, everything is a long car drive away, etc.. At the same time, it offers a thirty minute ferry ride to Fire Island which is another world onto itself. Also I can bike to the ocean, take a train into Manhattan all in the same day.

  48. Chris July 30, 2014 at 5:43 AM #

    Left LI in 2007 and never looked back.

    yes I was 32 and living with my parent still.

    But after getting married – we made a plan. One of the Two of us gets a job in a state that can support both of us and that give us time for the other to find a job.

    My wife landed a job ASAP in Indiana. We moved here 4 months later. Bought our first house for 8K down and $1000 a month. Sold that house a few years later and bought a house Twice as large for only 60K more than we bought the first one for.

    I ended up getting lucky and was offered a Xfer with the same company I was about to leave.

    So things were good till the Obama Administration killed my house value in 2009 and I lost my job at the same time. My Wife has not had a raise in 3 years. But we are still here and happy to be away from LI NY.

    I miss my friends and the way life on LI used to be as a teen and 20 something, but LI is what this article describes and I was one of those people and still have some of those qualities still here and people look at me like I am nuts.

  49. Corinne July 30, 2014 at 9:07 AM #

    If you are so biased and hateful it’s good to see you want to leave. Maybe Long Island will get a little better once you’re gone. I too have been all over the country and very few areas have it any better and many are far worse.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:30 PM #

      Few areas have it better than LI? Put down the crackpipe lady.

  50. lfest July 30, 2014 at 9:18 AM #

    I think you’d start to hate any place if you felt stuck there, it’s not fair to say that its Long Island’s fault.

    There are different and better beaches than the Hamptons, other less congested roads than the LIE and better people than the ones you didn’t like in high school. It’s all about perspective and keeping an open mind.

    Some days Long Island can really feel like an island that you’re dying to escape, but visit a beach like Lido West or a comedy club like Governors or even see what they’re trying to do with the music scene by revitalizing The Paramount and you’ll see there are some great people and wonderful things to do.

    I’ve traveled just as much as you’ve described and lived in different states and countries and while I did eventually move (out of my parents house) to be closer to my job I still feel blessed to have grown up in an area with a fantastic public school system and access to both the beach and NYC.

    I’m not saying there isn’t validity to your complaints above but before you claim to hate something with your heart and soul, remember that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Try something new and allow yourself to experience a different side of LI, otherwise you’re just as crazy as everyone you’re complaining about.

    There are good people out there, you just have to put in an effort to meet them.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:34 PM #

      lfest, I did try something new, I started traveling, and realizing then that the rest of the world by and large operates on a different level from Long Island. What I experience here is not what I experience “out there.”

  51. Carrol July 30, 2014 at 10:30 AM #

    WOW! great post. I agree 100%. Long Island is a cesspool. I grew up in North Bellmore in Nassau county, and lived there all my life, until 5 years ago. I think when I was a kid it was a much different place to live. Perhaps I was just naive, or perhaps there were just fewer people there.

    I did go to college, one of the best in the country, got a great education, and a pretty good paying job, eventually. I lived with my parents for 2 years after college to help save up some money until they moved with all the other Long Islanders to Florida to retire. My parents moved to Long Island from Brooklyn when my mom was pregnant with me. My brother and sister were 10 and 12 at the time. My sister never liked it there. She moved away as soon as she could which was at 17 because she graduated high school a year early, just to get out.

    I never knew how bad I had it. I commuted to the city for school for 4 years. Usually after the train and the subway I walked around with maybe $5 in my pocket. After working for many years at a pretty low salary I finally got a break and made it to the six figures only to find out that by then that wasn’t enough to live in NYC, so I was stuck on Long Island. I did eventually save up enough money to buy a house. It was on 1/4 acre, a tiny house, only one small bathroom, with a 1500 sq foot garage for my husband’s business. We lived there for 10 years and the value on the house doubled. SO we decided to get out. The stress of driving 3 hours a day for work was killing me. I had no life, just work and traffic.

    We spent five years traveling around the country and looking at real estate to find a place we could call home. I am happy to report we found it. Kansas City Missouri. I probably shouldn’t tell you all this cause then you’ll all come here and ruin it . . . . just kidding. But it’s great. We sold our dump from the sewer and got 9 acres with a 3 bedroom home, albeit, a little dated, with 3 baths, and a gorgeous view of a pond and trees. Even my inlaws have now purchased the land next to ours on 7 acres. We even had a nice chunk of change left over after the sale. Strangely enough, I was in closing on both homes, when I got laid off from my job. So I would have been really screwed had I stayed.

    Today I think of Long Island just as you posted. I especially notice it now that I don’t live there and I visit. If I had to say if I missed NY I would say I miss all the excitement of NYC that I was never able to take advantage of when I lived there because I was too tired form commuting. But I definitely do not miss long island.

    Now I can work part time and enjoy life the rest of the time. I don;t need much, Some days I enjoy just walking around my property. I only do things I enjoy now so I don;t get caught up in the machine like I was in NY. So now I am a weight watcher leader and I work retail selling lingerie. Sometimes we stress about money, who doesn’t. But it always works out. The pay off is I look outside and it’s pretty. The people are super nice. Three is no traffic, and I never wait on a line for anything. I am out in the country but in 15 mins its the suburbs, like long island, only cleaner, and nicer with better parking, and anouth 2o minutes I am in the city, which also has great parking.

    Thanks for reminding me how great I have it. I’ll never move back to Long Island.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:35 PM #

      Haha, don’t worry, I won’t ruin it for you, but you got me curious because I WAS considering Springfield or even Branson, near the Ozarks. i’m hoping to visit the area this fall and see if it’s my cup of tea. :D

  52. SPrinkZ July 30, 2014 at 11:16 AM #

    You’re a patently imbecilic, vitriolic, and myopic. Have a good day. Long Island will not be missing you.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:37 PM #

      You forgot “shagadelic,” you know, if we’re gonna be following the tradition of using descriptive terms that end in “-ic.”

  53. Nik July 30, 2014 at 11:40 AM #

    I think there’s a lot of amazing wonderful things about Long Island and there are a lot of good, level headed people here that really aren’t as difficult to find as you make it seem, but as a 22 year old trying to start my life, I know it’s not going to be here. All of my friends who are still in this state (ranging from 21 to 27) are still living with their parents because you literally cannot afford to have an apartment and pay your other bills because the rent is so inflated. A tiny, damp, crappy one bedroom basement apartment will run you $1500/month. Probably headed upstate as soon as I’m finished with Nursing school. If you can afford to be here though, it has a lot going for it

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:39 PM #

      I think that’s the operative phrase, “IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT.” Any place will certainly start having much more appeal when you have more money than God.

  54. Katie July 30, 2014 at 12:03 PM #

    I thought it was a great place to grow up and I had a great experience in Levittown, NY. I have some great friends and family. However, it is kinda like a cult. I’ve moved and no one can handle that. Not that I love PA, but it’s a lot easier to start a life as a young adult in PA than on Long Island. I’ve lost friends due to a lot of the character traits that you’ve described. I will always love my Long Island summer nights (the beach, All American Burger, the Nutty Irishman) but I never 100% fit in either. Hopefully you’ll see some silver linings once you’re in a better place in life!

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:41 PM #

      OH All American Burger, I’ll give you that one! But then since discovering Five Guys I realized when I need a burger fix bad I’ll still be ok. ;-)

  55. Steven July 30, 2014 at 12:28 PM #

    Okay, I hear ya. Now stop complaining and just get outta here please.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:42 PM #

      If I start a fundraising drive to pay for my move, will you donate? :D

  56. William July 30, 2014 at 12:38 PM #

    I’m very relieved. I’ve lived on Long Island most of my life and it’s always seemed to be hailed as this blissful epicenter of culture and privilege and it’s always been instilled in me to celebrate it and express frequent gratitude for having been lucky enough to call this place home. I was always under the assumption that some part of me was dysfunctional for not being able to see what a “privilege” it was to live here and wondered why I seemed to loathe it, but I’m glad you echo my sentiment. My best friend moved to Boston a few years ago and now that she’s been there long enough she now refers to Long Island as a “black pit of despair,” and in retrospect she couldn’t be happier that she left it permanently. I think I’ll have to take a page from her book and develop an exit strategy immediately.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:51 PM #

      William, nope you’re definitely not alone. If you have the time, I would really encourage you to visit Boston, especially if you’re a history buff. It’s one of my favorite cities to travel to.

  57. Happy Camper July 30, 2014 at 12:45 PM #

    You are right on about LooongIsland. I was lucky to find a fairly quiet, pocketed community on L.I’s north shore,, boarding the Long Island Sound. For traffic, a nightmare south of 25A, forget it, I remember The Island of the 1940’s, during the war and post war prior to the expansion of the suburbs as a kid growing up. It was rural in my town. People were folksy and friendly. But, alas, those times have fallen by the wayside. A few remaining but the ranks are thinning.
    On the State Mental Institutions of Pilgrim, Central Islip and Kings Park – all 3 in Suffolk County – the bulk or more than 90% of the inmates or patients came from mostly Brooklyn and Manhattan.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 12:54 PM #

      Funny, I just drove on 25A today too. Ugh.

  58. Lea Michelle July 30, 2014 at 12:57 PM #

    Omg finally someone wrote the truth about this death-trap island. You are unequivocally on point. Normally, the second I say something negative about Long Island, I’m attacked by the wolves. I can’t wait until I’m out of here for good. This place is sucking my soul out of me.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 1:08 PM #

      Lea, LOL, see you just don’t appreciate what special snowflakes Long guuuuylanders are. ;-)

    • Happy Camper July 30, 2014 at 2:59 PM #

      Singles’ bars are a minor or small part of Long Island’s woes. Many other places to meet people such as, clubs, organizations, societies, college courses, beaches, historical societies, camera clubs, volunteer work at hospitals, nursing homes, places of worship etc. Yeh, churches, a great place. Bars at the bottom of my list, unless you’re going in with friends and sitting in the dining area.

  59. LividInLI July 30, 2014 at 1:58 PM #

    Being a born and raised Longuylander myself, I can safely say that I truly can’t stand this place at times. I already made the decision a while back not to befriend anyone new. I can’t take the bipolar madness! I have a few well established friendships and I’m sticking to what I know. I think living in this hell-hole might have made me somewhat of a closed off bitch. But who can blame me?

    I’m consistently mentioning to my boyfriend how I’d love to be anywhere but here. The very sight of Long Island scenery makes me “long” to be elsewhere. He doesn’t seem to share my complete distaste for this place.

    Maybe one day I’ll be able to leave here and not feel bad for leaving my family behind. But for now I’m a bit stuck… I wish the best to those of you in my position.

  60. Tara James July 30, 2014 at 2:01 PM #

    Hahahahaha the life of this nameless, faceless sore loser that wrote this article will only get worse. Good luck to the author in finding what you want, you are definitely going to need it.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 3:01 PM #

      You’re so adorbz. I totes can’t figure why I’m having a time of it befriending you sweet as milky chocolate and cuddly as snugglecakes Long islanders.

  61. Lea Michelle July 30, 2014 at 2:04 PM #

    Ahh, if you’re referring to the special gems that are bombarding your page, defending the LI bubble that they are so fearful of ever leaving- then yes, I don’t appreciate them. Long Island’s cliquey nature is one of the worst qualities about this place. Walk into a bar in Manhattan, you make friends in 5 minutes. Walk into a bar in Long Island, you’ll want to leave in under a minute from the unfriendly gawking faces you receive. Don’t ever insult Long Island though, there will be a mob at your doorstep explaining how Billy Joel was born here, therefore Long Island is better than everywhere else (of course).

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 2:57 PM #

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed this. I think what defenders here aren’t considering is that they’re comparing having friends from their childhood to befriending new people. It’s not the same thing. If you’ve maintained your childhood circle of friends into adulthood, then that’s awesome, but it doesn’t speak to the issue that it’s harder to befriend new people here than outside of LI, because so many are so well established in their own cliques.

    • Lea Michelle July 30, 2014 at 3:30 PM #

      Majority of people that have groups of friends here have maintained that same group of friends since grade school. For those who actually want to branch out and meet new people here, it’s a dead end. The average Long Islander has no desire to ever leave, and usually end up staying until they die. I wish I did have as much passion about this place as a lot of these commenters convey but, I just can’t get past the arrogance, and socially-inept behavior of most inhabitants here. Bi-polar is a decent observation of the personalities, with a little bit of schizophrenia mixed in as well. Add that to the 24/7 rush-hour, aging 1-dimensional baby-boomers, illegal immigrant influx, sky-rocketing taxes, filthy road-ways and un-feasible cost of living, and you have a toxic cocktail of unbearable.

  62. Sarah July 30, 2014 at 2:59 PM #

    Hmm.. I’d say I have a love/hate relationship with Long Island. I grew up in Massachusetts and also lived in Connecticut. Moved here in high school.

    I have to agree with you that high school was not easy when having to deal with characters you mentioned. I’d say I was pretty popular/extroverted, but I still didn’t exactly “fit in.”

    However, as I have gotten older, I have appreciated it much more. I’m still broke, but I am realizing my dream of becoming a professional athlete here. Although there are a lot of crazies here, there is really good training and everything is a pretty convenient distance away. I pretty much bike anywhere I can. Sometimes dangerous, but makes the traffic stress go away.

    I tend to ignore the “typical Long Island” stereotypes and have found like-minded people as a result. I also have found a good support system of laid back people who never seem to judge.

    That being said… I must admit that Long Island winter is so terrible. I absolutely love the summer, but the winter SUCKS. I just focus on my goals and try to survive the depressing season. I hope to be able to afford a small spot on Long Island for the summer and a place elsewhere for the winter.

    Although it is far from perfect, I promise we aren’t all crazy. This place is a good set up for some. Ignore the @$#%holes and do whatever it is you want to do with your life.

  63. Heather July 30, 2014 at 3:12 PM #

    I am sorry you’ve had such a horrible experience. There are plenty of good things about Long Island too, though. I take the bad with the good and truck on. I do plan on moving though, off of Long Island….for a better life….a slower life….a more pleasant life…lol….good luck!

  64. Caity July 30, 2014 at 3:51 PM #

    I have felt exactly the same way you have growing up on LI. Most of these people who have commented will moan about the same things you are but just don’t have the guts to put it on the internet all at the same time. It’s LI nature to want to defend the stupid place and I’ve been guilty of it too.

    I left Long Island 3 years ago and moved to another country. There are still some things I miss from time to time about LI but I’m still glad I moved and I’d never go back. Good luck to you – I hope you can get off that magnet of a fish.

  65. Frankie Boy July 30, 2014 at 3:53 PM #

    left right out of high school in 1976 when dad took 5 kids and a wife to CA…live in south OC-beautiful area, traffic is manageable (as in OC in general-the gas tax we passed 20 years ago paid for freeway upgrades instead of transit) schools are OK…

    In general if you are south of Sunrise HW or north of 25A you are OK-the center of the island (the scrub oak belt) is ugly…..

  66. Frankie Boy July 30, 2014 at 4:32 PM #

    I read somewhere that out of mid 1970s HS graduates on Long Island, 50% left permanently-half of those stayed somewhere in the Northeast, and the other half left the Northeast for points south/west…

    Totally believable…

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 5:11 PM #

      It does strike me believable, makes me wonder, if we could all easily migrate off the island, how many people would wind up leaving?

  67. Chuck Gaffney July 30, 2014 at 4:59 PM #

    Been a Long Island native my whole 30 years alive. I swear this sounds like one of the rants I’ve made about it. I completely agree and I hate when people give me looks when I bring out these facts about this overpriced/overated bipolar place.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 5:10 PM #

      It’s not the invective that bothers me, it’s this oddly disconcerting bubble LIers refuse to let themselves out of. At some point you have to be able to see the obvious.

  68. Mel July 30, 2014 at 5:07 PM #

    Much of your analysis is spot on, but also the woes you describe are typical of many areas in the country. It was much nicer here prior to the 90s, but gets worse as time progresses. It’s too expensive for a regular Joe to survive here with out overtime or a second job and the crime has increased; drugs, gangs, all moving east from the city are making it worse. BTW, I read recently that Nassau/Suffolk together ranked as the number SIX highest cost of living in the country with the top five being big cities like NY, LA,
    Miami, etc. which is funny because the majority of people here are middle class or flat out poor.

    I have no loyalty to LI, and once I retire I’m OUTTA HERE to somewhere up north. I had a good time growing up here but I get where your coming from.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 5:20 PM #

      Those are fair points, but it’s not that other areas of the country don’t face similar issues, it’s the severity and degree of it that makes LI unique in my opinion. There were places I’ve traveled to where people would complain about the traffic for example, and I just have to laugh because I’d be like, congestion, what congestion, it only took me 5 minutes to get out of that traffic jam. Here, in similar circumstances I’d be stuck for an hour. There’s just no comparison. Whatever social issues, cost of living, infrastructure, cultural divides and conflicts we see elsewhere is curiously magnified to a noticeably higher degree here.

  69. Brian July 30, 2014 at 5:24 PM #

    To each his own. I’ve lived on Long Island–Massapequa to be exact–for all of my life and I feel I have a fair grasp on what this place is about. While I agree with you on some points like housing costs and traffic, I can’t help but to disagree with you on almost everything else. I’m 17 and I find your points on LI teens a little offensive. Yes, there are some spoiled brats who constantly experience and express their first world problems, but from what I’ve seen, that is a minority of the LI community as a whole. Many kids I know are just nice, typical teens. Of course there are some weirdos, but deep down, aren’t we all? Furthermore, Wherever you go, be it in the state, country, or world, you are going to find some A-holes and D-bags; it’s unavoidable! Look, I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a little mean, but many of the things you’re saying are broad generalizations and stereotypes. I’m not trying to say your opinion is invalid or sway you to take on mine, I just want to get my side out there: the one which still believes in the good of Long Island.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 5:27 PM #

      No problem, we’re all entitled to have our opinions. I’m glad you had a better time growing up. I hope being a Pequa dude means you’ve experienced Smokin Al’s, and if not, well then I really give up on LI, lol.

  70. Justin July 30, 2014 at 5:27 PM #

    I’ve lived in many places throughout New York. Born in Syosset, 11 years in Bayshore, another 11 in Coram (right next door to Selden), and now I’ve been forced to move onto Florida. I can’t agree with a lot of the things you say, personally I feel as if you’ve just had one hell of a bad experience throughout your life. For that, I feel sorry for you man, it certainly seems to be that things have not been easy for you in the least. I miss Long Island, I miss the culture, I miss the people, especially the food. Jacksonville is a cultural void whereas at least Long Island HAS a culture, and one you’ve obviously not been able to assimilate into your life, even though it’s been apart of you since you’ve been born. I often hear of people lamenting L.I. as if it’s some sort of hell, I get that the cost of living, while insane, it just outright wrong. As some have said, if you don’t enjoy it, then just move on, I didn’t even want to leave and found a place to set up outside of L.I. As much as you hate it, I miss it, and dearly wish to return. Also, trust me, I know more about the corruption on L.I. than you ever hopefully will, I don’t wish bad things on people, truth be told I like seeing people naive to corruption because it allows a vicarious window to living a life without those kind of worries. I do hope you find what you’re looking for in this life, it just takes hard work, and determination to get there.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 5:29 PM #

      it seems to me that Florida is getting Long-Islandified as well. I know some down there and they’ve been complaining that there’s more New Yorkers down there than there are Florida natives. Heh. And then they all come up here for the summer. :-\

  71. Andras July 30, 2014 at 5:32 PM #

    Some of this is legit, some of it is First World Problems, some of it is flat wrong…
    “There is no place in which you can truly feel like you can get away from it all, except possibly the Hamptons, the seat of the uber-rich and ultra-privileged.”
    Ummmm try going to any state park in the offseason, on a weekday, or both? They’re mostly empty. I’m a Long Island native currently living on Long Island and I can walk 400 feet to a forest with nobody in it. I live in a middle-class section of Suffolk County, not the Hamptons. It’s also funny seeing Jersey people talk sh%t in the comments, like Jersey people and Long Island people don’t seem exactly the same to anybody from outside the Tri-State. The narcissism of petty differences…I also prefer the honest indifference and hostility of Long Islanders to the extremely passive-aggressive “niceness” of the Midwest or the “I’m such a well-educated and caring and socially conscious liberal from my $1,000,000 lake home” hypocrisy of certain Manhattan/Vermont/Massachusetts types.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 6:13 PM #

      Dude, seriously? Oh, well, if I go to a state park on Wednesday at 3 o’ clock in the morning I’d totes have the park to myself! Come on.

    • Andras July 30, 2014 at 7:00 PM #

      It’s not that extreme so that makes me think that you don’t get out that much…Robert Moses during the summer sure lots of people but Sunken Meadow or Caumsett on any weekday? Not that many. Also some people enjoy the social aspect of the beach more than the scenery anyway so maybe you just don’t know the right people to have beach parties with, I dunno

  72. Andras July 30, 2014 at 7:01 PM #

    There’s also the whole Green Belt trail which invalidates your argument

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 7:04 PM #

      Greenbelt sucks and there’s too many ticks. So there.

  73. Greg July 30, 2014 at 7:03 PM #

    if you think Long Island is worse than Detroit or Chicago or Oakland or a lot of the south, or that its the worst place in America, you really havnt spent enough time in any of those places and have a way too high opinion of yourself if nobody on Long Island is good enough for you. Go move to Detroit instead of taking a trip there and try telling me Long Islands the worst place in America, this is a very Diva-sounding article, maybe you didnt have a lot of friends growing up cause of your narcissistic personality

    • Greg July 30, 2014 at 7:06 PM #

      the big-headedness and pompous attitude shown in this article makes you seem exactly like what you say you hate in your rant of an article lol idk if you realized that, there isnt anything more stuck-up and snoody than saying that every person where you grew up sucks and you were better than all of them

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 7:13 PM #

      At least Detroit doesn’t unrealistically entertain itself with any grandiose sense of superiority. (Compare property prices there to here. One reflects its actual value, whereas the other is absurdly overvalued and not based on any sort of market conditions even remotely resembling reality. I’ll let you guess which is which.)

    • Greg July 30, 2014 at 7:17 PM #

      there also arent tens of thousands of stray dogs and an insanely high crime rate on Long Island especially compared to Detroit which is pretty much a wasteland lmao yeah the property value is too high on Long Island but if thats the only thing that makes it the worst place in America to you thats an incredibly first world thing to say

    • Long Island July 31, 2014 at 12:17 AM #

      I was going to keep quiet but after scrolling through a good amount of these comments enough is enough. You sound like a self righteous a**h*** (at least admit it if you are because I like honesty) and I’m pretty sure if you had this attitude in any other place in WORLD, they would tell you the same thing if you put down there home. Sorry that you are not ambitious enough to have a good life here (Im really not sorry). There comes a time when you just have to man up and just accept the things out of your control. Embrace the fact that you were born here because this is the life that you were brought up in and there’s nothing you could have done to change that. It is what it is. Long Island speaks for itself and I will not sit here and bring up everything that it holds. In fact that’s not the argument at this point. Sounds like you just feel sorry for yourself and are doing anything for attention because you want others to feel sorry for you.

      Here’s an example. I live in Suffolk. Are there times where car accidents happen which causes traffic to back up the cross island? Yes. Am I going to sit there and cry about it? No. Because a factor like that is a part of life and if you let something like that get to you then that’s a whole separate issue. Maybe look at the bigger picture, but then again everyone’s outlook on life is different. Maybe put the radio on and listen to some summer tunes, make a phone call, makes plans for later. We are only humans. We learn to adapt to the environment around us. Traffic – Boo hoo. Come on man.

      Whats frustrating is that your spending a good amount of time on this site s****** on Long Island when you could make something happen for yourself. Maybe once you find your niche in something that interests you, you wont spend as much time on this site. Its like you thrive off people agreeing with you about Long Island being the worst place ever. But let me tell you something buddy, your still sitting behind you computer screen watching the world pass you by probably getting a good laugh or two about someone agreeing with you. I really hope you decide to post this or at least read this over maybe take it into consideration. This could have been one of the biggest waste of 5 minutes of my life that i wont get back. The fact that this has gone on for months amazes me.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 11:13 AM #

      Again, missing the point. LI has serious and unique problems here that you just don’t see anywhere else.

      I have plenty of ambition though: ambition to leave NY permanently, and it will finally pay off for me by the end of the year. Soon all Long Islanders shall behold the glorious wonders that is my well sculptured hindquarters as I make flight over the Verrazano Bridge, never to return again.

  74. Dave Smith July 30, 2014 at 7:09 PM #

    My family had a small summer bungalow (pump, outhouse, gas refrigerator) in Mastic back in the 1950’s / early 60’s before the LIE was built. We called it “The Country”. It’s no longer that way. Even Hicksville, where we recently moved from to South Carolina, was potatoe fields back in the late 1950’s. I agree with the posting that Long Island will finally go bankrupt paying School Superintendent salaries and civil service pensions. I miss Long Island as it was but not as it is now!

  75. Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 7:39 PM #

    It just occurred to me that I never mentioned THE TICKS! (not to be confused with THE TICK! {singular}) We have one of, if not THE highest concentration of ticks (or cases of lyme disease) than anywhere else in the country. Look at the map: http://www.aldf.com/usmap.shtml

    I hate Long Island.

    • Greg July 30, 2014 at 8:27 PM #

      well thats because Lyme Disease was created on Plum Island, which is in the Sound between Long Island and Connecticut, so its not just because ticks are appalled by the high cost of living also and they chose to infect people on Long Island, thats just because of geographic location, so yeah

  76. Cookie monster July 30, 2014 at 8:06 PM #

    I wish I could leave here!! I just don’t know what I’d do for a living out of this state. The people here suck. Each time I visit NC I never want to come back. No ones friendly here and the Place is dirty. You forgot to mention high taxes due to six figure teacher salaries and cops retiring as millionaires. Sounds like all of us that think the same should establish our own town with a 20 foot barrier.

    • Frank Swift July 30, 2014 at 8:50 PM #

      You might need to consider a career change. It’s hard but I was finally able to break into a field of my choosing, even though it took a loooooooooooooong time to pull it off. Don’t give up!

  77. Marie July 30, 2014 at 11:14 PM #

    Honestly, after reading this post I’m struck by how little you seem to understand yourself and your own responsibility in your situation. This is the most negative, hateful piece of writing I have read in a long time and it leaves me with very little doubt as to why you have had trouble making friends and dating. Hmm..I can’t imagine why people don’t want to hang out with you when you refer to everyone around you as “a mentally unstable, psychotic bunch.” You attract what you put out there in the world and people in general don’t like to be around those who are always feeling bad and focusing on the negative. I can’t imagine this is different in any other part of the country, or the world for that matter. Instead of blaming the place you live for all your problems, you could either focus more on the positive aspects or just take some responsibility and move. I see that you claim your “circumstances” have prevented you from leaving. While that may be true, your “circumstances” certainly didn’t cause you to write such a ridiculous, bitter article. Your negative attitude did that.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 11:05 AM #

      Why are Long Islanders so exceptional at either denying the obvious or completely missing the point?

  78. Bobby July 30, 2014 at 11:31 PM #

    Not going to argue on your views of Long Island, even if they are downright wrong- but I do have to step in and say that your ignorant comments regarding mental illness, section 8 and the like- are disgusting. They are microaggressions that spread stigma and only add to hate in the world. Don’t spread hate, my friend, the world has enough of it as it is.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 11:08 AM #

      Microaggressions has become such an overused, girlie word now.

  79. Tom July 31, 2014 at 12:05 AM #

    Its hard to believe that there is absolutely nothing good about Long Island. After reading your hate filled rant I feel sorry for you, but I think it is ironic how you write so much negativity about the people whereas I saw exactly what you werewriting about in your own attitude. I hope you find your “paradise”, even though I think with such a hateful spirit and negative attitude it may be near impossible….

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 11:08 AM #

      I only reserve my hateful spirit towards Long Islanders. Everyone else gets to see the sunny, cuddly side of me.

  80. Elizabeth July 31, 2014 at 12:10 AM #

    I’m a Long Island native (Rockville Centre), Manhattan/Brooklyn dweller for 8 years, and now a very happy resident of Denver, Colorado. The positives far outweigh the negatives. I don’t think I’ll ever go back!

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 11:10 AM #

      Awesome Elizabeth! I plan to move further out west (Colorado is at the top of the list, but could be elsewhere), and always glad to see stories of ex-LIers living much happier lives outside of NY.

  81. jose58 July 31, 2014 at 12:50 AM #

    hey frank grow up and welcome to the real world just because you cant cut it as a man that still leaves with mommy.you r right long island has change i grew up in brentwood maybe the worst town on long island but i love it dont leave there no more.now im in sayville little fact about it. it was name one of the best town in the U.S.A. so do your home work frank is not all bad here

  82. Carol July 31, 2014 at 7:11 AM #

    I had a great career as an RN in Nassau County for over 40 years. I grew up in Queens and then moved to Nassau County in 1988. I have seen the decline on LI in terms of greed by the politicians and county workers. Also, the town that I lived in was getting more run down and dirty. It was time to leave and so we did 2 years ago to SC. Although I miss my friends on LI, I am happy living in the south.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 11:15 AM #

      I’m glad you’re enjoying your time in the south! I’ve been to Tennessee and other southern states and was surprised to see how welcoming they were of a New Yaaaawker.

  83. raechel July 31, 2014 at 10:20 AM #

    I couldn’t agree more with everything you wrote! I am a Long Island native who has since moved to northern Vermont and my quality of life has improved 10 fold (for lack of a more monumental expression)! I try to explain these things to people who are not from Long Island and i don’t think they can quite grasp just how horrible it really is! Such a relief to know I am not alone in my feelings towards this place… thank you!

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 11:16 AM #

      You’re welcome, and nope you’re definitely not the only one! I’m sure a lot more people feel the same but don’t speak up because of how violently some LIers react when you criticize their precious island.

  84. KML July 31, 2014 at 12:13 PM #

    stop whining b%@#$h. embrace the insanity

  85. Michael Napoli July 31, 2014 at 1:30 PM #

    I’ve read through your piece and the comments and I’ve been trying to come up with a response that’s measured. I mean, I sure do agree that the suburban sprawl is ugly, though I disagree that it’s impossible to find park space that isn’t crowded. I spent half my adolescence hanging out in the woods with friends where we felt like the only people in the world (smack in the middle of a pretty densely-populated section of Nassau County, to boot!). I take a bit of umbrage to the characterization of LI-natives as bipolar but maybe that’s just because the people I have in my life are great and I’ve been lucky that way.

    I almost feel that an easy summary of my feelings toward LI is along the lines of “It was a great place for me as a teenager, a good mix of urban (access to NYC)/ suburban/ rural (there are wide-open spaces and nature, I swear!) that provided a lot of variety in terms of the kinds of shenanigans I could get into and things I could experience. But as an adult pushing 30, a lot of the shine has worn off and staying on LI seems like an increasingly dicey proposition economically.”

    I’m sorry, that paragraph was a bit of a train wreck but hopefully you’ll be able to parse my meaning. I find myself in the position now of having nearly all my family and friends on Long Island, and as an aspiring (still, somehow, after all these years) artsy-fartsy type the proximity to NYC is also something I’m reluctant to give up. I have to say now I don’t think I could live in NYC or any of the boroughs, I lived in Brooklyn for a time during college, and even in that half-insulated experience I got all the big-city living I think I could take for one lifetime. I went on a cross-country road trip about two years ago and I LOVED a lot of the places I went. If I could live my life over again I think I’d go to college in Madison, Wisconsin.

    It saddens me to see people hate Long Island because it’s my home and I love it despite its flaws, but yeah, I feel ya. I wish I had the power to do more than bear it/leave it.

    Best of luck if you do make it off the Island, Frank.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 2:27 PM #

      No problem Michael, thanks for keeping it civil. I actually like our close proximity to NYC, but what I don’t like is having to effectively pay $20-$30 just for one day commute into the city, although to be fair this isn’t the fault of Long Island. It does irk me though, because I love Manhattan and find the city vibe to be a world of a difference from LI culture (or lack thereof).

      I’m glad you had a better experience growing up as well, but I don’t think it’s the norm. I’m getting too many responses from people who felt I was saying almost verbatim what they’ve been feeling for years. The evidence is not merely anecdotal.

  86. scott July 31, 2014 at 3:01 PM #

    I live on the north fork(born and raised), it’s not so bad out here. Yes, it is pricey compared to a lot of other places but it sure as hell beats living “up island” as I call it.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 3:02 PM #

      That IS nice territory out there. Feels like the ocean is literally all around you, because well, it is, lol.

  87. Blake July 31, 2014 at 3:22 PM #

    OH man, thanks for writing this. I was born in PA, moved to Virginia when I was 1, moved back to PA at age 5, and then moved to this vile den of depravity and nonsense at age 13. You talked about long island teenagers- imagine being introduced to the typical long island person right before going into high school. This is right on point! I too, am greatly desiring a chance to escape this place to somewhere that has some actual, you know, wild parts, but have fallen prey to circumstance.

    Hiking happens to be one of my favorite past times. I’ve found several places that have trails here. They run into several problems. First, you can usually hear traffic from most of them. Second, your only view is trees, since its totally flat and you can never climb somewhere to get a better view. Third, we have an INSANE amount of ticks. I’ve tried to hike during the warmer months maybe 3 times. Every single time, I end up covered in more than 20 ticks. Growing up in PA, I had encounters with the little nasties, but you’d have one on you. There is nothing like looking down at your legs and realizing there are over a dozen ticks attached to your legs so you have to turn your hike into a sprint back to your car, where you continue to find more in odd spots. Then when you think you must’ve gotten them all, you go home and find 3 more. All this has done is prove to me that there is ZERO places to escape here. I can’t wait for my opportunity to leave present itself.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 3:27 PM #

      You have to lace your clothes with Permethrin for the ticks, and I don’t mean you could do that, I mean it’s MANDATORY. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t bother with the trails during the summer because the ticks are absolutely disgusting to deal with, even with protected, Permethrin laced clothes. I’d rather dip my jewels in honey and go on a bear watch in Wyoming than deal with ticks again.

  88. Dave July 31, 2014 at 4:36 PM #

    Entertaining article. It reads closer to a rant than an objective assessment of the Island, which is fine, but as a native Longislander for 30 years (and someone who has lived in several countries and states), I can’t relate to much of this commentary. Many of those “mental institutions” were actually created from the overpopulation of the ones in the city, not solely to fulfill the need of the actual residents. Yes, it can be cliquely here, but forming groups and protecting them, for better or worse, is a characteristic of human nature. They are the product of “tribes.” Yes, there is overpopulation and high taxes, but that’s endemic to the entire country, not two counties in the whole nation. Nevertheless, nice fun article

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 4:46 PM #

      “They are the product of “tribes.” Yes, there is overpopulation and high taxes, but that’s endemic to the entire country”

      So the entire country is experiencing overpopulation and high taxes? Have you been to Wyoming lately?

  89. Todd July 31, 2014 at 5:23 PM #

    As I’m sure you would agree, to each his own. But I will say a lot of what your talking about are negative products caused by the many positives LI’s has to offer. For families, it provides some of the best school districts in the country. (NY state is rated top 10 by many publications even while the city and up-state ranks relatively low) Many middle class families who can’t afford the private schools of the city flood the island which causes(and I agree they’re to high) the crazy cost of living. It’s also why LI has become so overpopulated which also relates to the other issues you mentioned including traffic. LI unemployment is also much lower, driving many people to come here. The truth is, while some are for necessity, most people want to be here continuing to drive many of the negatives. In terms of cost of living, as bad as LI taxes are, take a look at the average amount a LI resident gets back for each dollar of federal and state taxes, it embarrassingly small. As bad as county taxes are, alot of it isn’t because of Long Islanders.

    To your other points, again many are just whatever you have a affinity for. Having been to nearly everywhere in the US, my love of the ports and beaches of the Island and many of the smaller towns has grown.

    Finally, while I agree we Long Islander are insane, I’ve grown to love that to. And here is where I think your negative experiences have clouded your judgement. The thing about LIanders is you know where they stand and what they think. Having spent much time in the Midwest and South, the first is ultra polite, but can be extremely dull and isolated. Speaking of Isolated, i’ve never felt more isolated than in the south and the judgement was overwhelming. Not to say our personalities are without fault, but there’s an honesty which I’ve come to appreciate.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 5:35 PM #

      Fair points, although I haven’t really experienced that with the south. I have several really good friends from “down there” and they’re definitely not as you describe. The only irritating thing I found in my interaction with most southerners is their tendency to take their time to get to the point. Definitely more laid back and not as high paced as we tend to be up here.

    • Melissa Bee July 31, 2014 at 11:48 PM #

      Well said Todd!

  90. Samantha July 31, 2014 at 5:37 PM #

    Well quit b*&^%hing and leave ;-) it’s people like you who make it awful. There’s lot if beauty in this island but white trash like you who have to preach ruin it!

  91. John July 31, 2014 at 9:41 PM #

    I think this article is mean spirited and lazy. I live and work here and meet wonderful people each day. My family and I bike the trails, go to the beaches and kayak everywhere from the the Great South Bay to the Nissequogue. We eat at different resturants each weekend with friends and family. We moved here 15 years ago and our son went to school here. I guess you get what you give. Or cheeky and mean just sells a bit better I surmise.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 10:00 PM #

      Some people just aren’t aware of the bubble they live in. But then I guess ignorance is bliss.

    • JoJo-A-GoGo July 31, 2014 at 10:33 PM #

      Great post John, this author is a miserable box

    • Melissa Bee July 31, 2014 at 11:47 PM #

      Well said John. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, but I believe his article spreads a little beyond opinion– I don’t like the sweeping generalizations.. see my post below :-)

  92. JoJo-A-GoGo July 31, 2014 at 10:31 PM #

    This is one of the most ridiculous items I’ve read. You seem like quite the miserable little person, enjoying your pity party. I’ve lived on Long Island my entire life, short a few years in queens, and I couldn’t disagree with you more. It’s quite astonishing to blame your location as the reason you can’t date. My guess is your negative attitude is broaching your appearance and making you vile to the opposite sex. Where ever you lopive, you will most likely be miserable. Were you bullied when you were younger? Have you not grown up, and shaken that off yet? Pull yourself together, put on your big boy panties and stop crying.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 10:39 PM #

      Welp, I guess if you live in a state of perpetual inebriation you tend to see the world in a different light than I do. BTW, JoJo, is that your real name or your stripper name?

    • JoJo-A-GoGo August 1, 2014 at 6:41 AM #

      No, frank, it’s not my “stripper name”….now who’s being judgmental? I actually have multiple secondary and higher level degrees, that I paid for (on my own), while working, and living with friends (because it was more FUN not because I couldn’t afford it.). Now, I’m successful. Because I earned it. I didn’t spend my time crying at the cards I was dealt, I turned them into a royal flush. I truly feel sorry for you, by closing your “ranks and isolating yourself” you’ve essentially turned into a sad fella, who may have, at one point been able to contribute to society but now you’re stuck in this misery vacuum.

      When you touched on lack of community, I can only assume that’s due to your reclusive lifestyle. I grew up in a small town, neighbored by small towns, and everyone knew everyone’s names. We all said hi, helped our neighbors, and didn’t lock our doors. I now live in a beach town, and after sandy the ENTIRE community banded together to help EVERYONE out – life long community members, transplants, and strangers. You’re not part of any community because you choose not to be.

      My parents raised me to work hard, and the good things would follow. They taught me to be nice to people, and they’d be nice back, but not to be a pushover. I guess your parents forgot to teach you some key elements needed to succeed in society.

    • Frank Swift August 1, 2014 at 11:05 AM #

      They taught me to be nice to people, and they’d be nice back…

      Yep, your parents definitely did a bangup job there.

      Being the typical self-righteous and self-absorbed Long Guuuuylander that you are, you’re making a lot of assumptions about me that simply aren’t true. You haven’t lived my life. I’ve learned to make the best of a bad situation, which is why I have the means to eventually leave, but this doesn’t change the reality that LI simply sucks for most people, and those who remain ignorant of its decaying rot, well, feel free to continuing wallowing blissfully in your ignorance. If it works for you, rock on, I say.

  93. Melissa July 31, 2014 at 11:44 PM #

    So, I found this article on my friend’s Facebook page and initially it gave me a little chuckle. But I have to say the further I read, the more intolerable it got for me. I live on Long Island, am 27, and was born and raised here, while I do agree with several aspects of this rant, I have to say that it does sound quite bitter. I would like to provide a counter-arguement speaking solely from experience. As a psychologist, I learned a long time ago to leave generalizations out of my descriptions of a population or groups of people. Much of what you’re saying describes the lifestyle in the ENTIRE metropolitan area, not just Long Island. It’s evident to me that you’ve encountered some sad people in your lifetime, and have chosen not to ignore these people and search for others who make you happy, but to become angry, and generalize these people into an entire POPULATION of people living on Long Island. I have to disagree with you about the lack of diversity in the population in that they are all snobby or *&^holes. I have met some of the most culturally sophisticated, educated, intelligent people here. And I have lived upstate NY, and in Maryland for a brief time. Not one person I have encountered outside of Long Island/NYC has been able to stimulate my mind in conversation and fascinate me with their knowledge of life and the world. I am surrounded by educated people every day and I learn something new every day. I hate to tell you this, but you will come across difficult people everywhere you go, and part of life is learning to deal with the cards you’re dealt. Is everyone on Long Island friendly? Not a chance. But not everyone in Florida, or California, or Colorado is either (i’ve been there as well). I’ve had the door slammed in my face in most other places as well as on Long Island. Individual differences make the world go ’round. But I’ve also had random acts of kindness occur here on Long Island as well, and those acts have made me NOT lose faith in the population of this “rock” as you call it. Oh, I checked on your fact from the Psychology 101 class, that stat is true if you include all of the mental institutions in Queens and Brooklyn, HOWEVER, you CLEARLY and ADAMANTLY state that Brooklyn and Queens while geographically located on Long Island, are different entities. And mental health is extremely important, so it’s not such a bad thing to have facilities where people can be helped. So keep that statistic out of your argument. Also, can you be careful with your use of the words ‘schizophrenic populace’ and referring to things as “bi-polar”? It’s a little offensive to those who suffer from these issues and it’s inappropriately used.

    One thing you failed to mention, Long Island is fairly safe. I don’t fear that if I look at someone the wrong way, he/she will pull a gun out on me, unlike Florida where I fear for my life every time I get behind the wheel or give someone a half-smile. They can easily pull out a gun and shoot me, and then not be convicted of a crime, because that’s how the justice system works there. I also, because I can be absent minded, have left my purse in the front seat of my car outside of my house for several hours, and it remained there. Naive? Maybe, but we are a heck of a lot safer here than in your hyped up boroughs of Queens and Brooklyn. Have you ever driven on I-95? That’s pretty awful too. But I do agree that Long Island traffic is horrendous. Long Island has some of the most open minded people as well. You are free to practice whatever religion you’d like on Long Island without being chastised and fearful. While you have done a decent job describing some of the issues with Long Island, I would have much preferred to see some of the positives of living here. Us NYers get a bad wrap because of people like you who generalize 5% of the population to 75% of the population and make it seem like we are these people with heads so far stuck up our butts that we have no time to stop and smell the roses. Most of the population on Long Island value education and can afford to live here because they have one and are hustlers and go-getters. They know how to make moves and make things happen. Rarely do people around here live sedentary lives.

    I wish you luck in your endeavors, if you’re not happy you certainly don’t need to be in a place that perpetuates your negativity. But I do challenge you to find a happier life elsewhere with such a negative outlook on life. Your anger spreads beyond the place where you live. I haven’t found a perfect mate yet but I certainly don’t blame the population for that fact. Maybe your outlook on life needs to change a little bit, look at the glass half full instead of half empty. Sure, it can get difficult, but you could live in Israel where you walk out your door and you get the crap bombed out of you and your family. Or you could live in Russia or Ukraine where political unrest and Putin are destroying lives. Life really isn’t that bad. There is no perfect ideal place. I’m sorry that you have had a negative experience on Long Island, but please do me and every other Long Islander a favor and don’t lump us into this category of people who don’t give a crap about others and who are snobby and insensitive. I happen to come from a home of very philanthropic parents, who are the nicest most generous people i have ever met in my life. My dad built a life for himself from NOTHING, granted times were different then, but please do not assume we are all trust fund babies living off our parents’ wealth because we aren’t. I’m sorry that you encountered a few terrible people who ruined Long Island for you- I truly encourage you to go out with a new attitude and re-explore this place— I promise it’s not SO bad.

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 11:56 PM #

      Honestly, I tried to read this comment but I fell asleep about halfway through. I did make it to this part though:

      “Not one person I have encountered outside of Long Island/NYC has been able to stimulate my mind in conversation and fascinate me with their knowledge of life and the world.”

      Who’s generalizing who again? >_>

    • Melissa July 31, 2014 at 11:58 PM #

      That’s not a generalization, that’s a fact. I’m stating that not one person I HAVE MET outside of Long Island/NYC….etc. A generalization would be not one person outside of Long Island/NYC…. I’m merely discussing those I have met.

    • Melissa August 1, 2014 at 12:00 AM #

      That’s too bad you fell asleep, maybe you should try reading it when you’re more awake ;-) some decent points in there, could give you a run for your money :-)

    • Frank Swift August 1, 2014 at 12:16 AM #

      I think what we’re arguing here is a matter of degree. You admit to the issues we face here, but to you they amount to minor annoyances, whereas I see the island as five pounds of crazy in a one pound bag. I don’t know why I need to spell it out since it should go without saying, but of course not EVERYONE is like that. BUT… if I have to work overtime to slice through the crazy and meet the truly nice ones here, whereas in other areas of the country befriending new people is an effortless and pleasant endeavor, eventually I start to think maybe it’s not me. It’s not that Long Island doesn’t have its share of good, decent people, but that they’re largely overshadowed by the nasty ones. I bring up the mental institutions because it’s the only thing I can think of offhand to explain why so many here seem so oddly and mentally unbalanced. People are crazy everywhere, but there’s a predictability to it, a method to the madness if you will. It’s why it’s so easy for me to predict what someone is going to do on the road when I’m driving outside of New York for example, but here it’s anyone’s guess. Like I’ve said, there’s no consistency to LIers’ behavior as a whole.

      Look I get it. People who just WUBS this island don’t like to be told they suck. But if you’re really one of the decent ones, consider that you might actually be one of the exceptions to the rule here.

    • Frank Swift August 1, 2014 at 12:00 AM #

      Ok let me rephrase: you’re not generalizing, you’re just insinuating a generalization without actually generalizing.

  94. Melissa July 31, 2014 at 11:56 PM #

    Ok, I just spent 20 minutes replying to this post only for it vanish. wtf!

    • Frank Swift July 31, 2014 at 11:58 PM #

      It was in moderation because the comment was ten miles long. It’s up now. :P

  95. Laura August 1, 2014 at 8:07 AM #

    With your proclivity to be reclusive, you wouldn’t ever find the good just waiting for you. Because there are good things all around if you only open your eyes.

    This post it straight from your minds eye while sitting in your room all alone.

    Hope your misarible life is happy one day…..your life is what you make it.

  96. hhmkat August 1, 2014 at 8:13 AM #

    If you think the cost of living is high on Long Island, try moving to New Jersey. Taxes, car insurance, and home prices far beat out Long Island.

    • Frank Swift August 1, 2014 at 10:58 AM #

      The cost of living index for NY is 132.2 while for NJ it’s 127.6, so… not quite.

    • hhmkat August 1, 2014 at 10:29 PM #

      Hmm… Does the cost of living index for NY take into account all of NY, including Manhattan? Or do you have a cost of living index for just Nassau and Suffolk County. Maybe you could also try being a little nicer to people who comment on your blog.

    • Frank Swift August 1, 2014 at 11:46 PM #

      Good question, let me check…

      Ok, from city-data.com: Mar. 2012 cost of living index in Nassau County is 153.1. OMG whutlol

      For Suffolk County it’s 152.3, not even a point lower evidently.

      I thought for sure San Francisco as a point of reference would be higher but nope, it clocks in at 148 (2012). But I’m sure that’s because everyone wants to live in SanFran too. >_>

      As for being nice, I like to give as good as I get. It’s a Long Guyland thing.

  97. Deb August 1, 2014 at 1:31 PM #

    I’m an international student going to grad school in Long Island. I agree that renting scenario is horrible, specially for a student on scholarship money.the LIRR and LIE both suck, a lot. I also agree that there is too much of the rich (driving Tesla/ Maserati/ Lamborghini) carrying themselves wrapped in designer crap from head to toe and complaining about their nails. But I also see a lot of middle class struggling families ( Hickseville/ Syosset/ Mineola etc.). These people are nice, humble and open ( I’m comparing to people in mid-west who aren’t open to mixing with internationalas at all). I agree that people are generally rude, but that is probably because there are too many people on the streets and too much work pressure—so no one has time to stop and say Hi; and by being rude atleast they are not two-faced. And besides, the food isn’t that bad. And if nothing works out, I can always take a train and go to the city and enjoy a day….in how many places can you do that?

    • Deb August 1, 2014 at 1:36 PM #

      ANd I forgot to mention that this island has good schools and research institutes. There are good school districts like Syosset and Port Jeff. Each year quite a few students from Long Island/ trained in long island qualify to the INTEL championship. Besides, Stony Brook University, BrookHaven Lab and Cold Spring Harbor Lab–are really good places academics and scientists. So, yeah–I wouldn’t complain.

  98. teresa August 1, 2014 at 2:00 PM #

    Yo vivi en Long Island por 5 años..y de todos los E.U. fue el lugar mas bonito, pacifico, todas las comodidades, buenos trabajos y sobre todo buenos vecinos. Fue en los años 80s. El problema esta en los dias de ahora que todo el mundo anda loco y por ende las ciudades estan llenas de drogadictos, borrachos etc y sobre todo gente que fueron al colegio pero el colegio no fue a ellos..mudate para Africa, alla con los hermanos que viven en la miseria, llenos de moscas y mira como es la vida y no te quejes tanto que lo tienes todo aqui..ahora busca quien te traduzca este escrito.
    Me gusta mi lenguaje, y si aprendi el tuyo, bien puedes saber el mio..saludos.


    Roughly Translated: I lived on Long Island for 5 years .. and all EU was the most beautiful, peaceful location, all amenities, good jobs and especially good neighbors. It was in the 80s. The problem is now that the days of everyone is crazy and therefore cities are full of drug addicts, drunks etc and especially people who were at school but the school was not for them .. Move in Africa, beyond the brothers who live in misery, full of flies and see what life is like and do not complain so much that you have everything here .. now looking for someone you translate this writing.
    I like my language, learning and if yours, well you know mine .. greetings.

  99. Aileen August 1, 2014 at 3:37 PM #

    I’m also a Long Island native and I agree with some of the things in this article.I tend to resent living here a lot when I get back from college in the city for the summers. But really? Grouping all the women on Long Island into one lame reason you can’t get a date is immature. I know some pretty friendly people here. And also by reading your replies, you sound like an uppity jerk. This place isn’t that great, but neither are you.

    • Frank Swift August 1, 2014 at 3:38 PM #

      You’re right. Next time I’ll use a picture of a drunken Lindsay Lohan instead of a succubus to more accurately reflect the LI ladies here. :)

      P.S. I apologize for being a jerk. I can’t help it though, I’m from Long Island!

  100. chrissyP August 1, 2014 at 3:50 PM #

    There’s better ways to deal with the hate and rage in your soul than blogging. Try meditation.. or even a sensory deprivation tank.

    • Frank Swift August 1, 2014 at 3:56 PM #

      I would have gone with the sensory deprivation but my health insurance doesn’t cover it.

  101. Brian Merton Matholomew August 1, 2014 at 7:38 PM #

    I’ve lived in NY most of my life. Moved to Long Island for school. I enjoyed my 4 years there, it’s a nice town. Granted, if you are uptight and judgmental, the people there probably won’t gravitate to you. That might be the reason why you couldn’t find a date? Food for thought.

    One might glance over this thesis paper, think tl;dr, and wonder why? Which begs the question, “u mad bro?”

    • Frank Swift August 1, 2014 at 8:34 PM #

      Finding dates is easy. Finding quality dates (on LI), not so much. I’m sure there are those who find virtue in taking the path of least resistance and having no standards to begin with, but I have a little bit more self-esteem than that. Better the man who is single than the man who’s paying child support.

  102. alli August 1, 2014 at 9:53 PM #

    I guess I’m super late to the party here…. You’re probably tired of fielding responses, and for that I’m sorry, but I gotta throw my support atcha. (Even though I’ve read so many comments that I’ve forgotten my original responses, so I probably won’t add anything substantive).

    If I had written this article (and I’ve dictated it to myself in my head countless times), I would not have made the exact same points as you, but we agree on the majority of them, and I 100% agree with the SPIRIT of the post. In fact, I bet that if 90% of your detractors could get over their butthurt and actually READ what you’re saying, they’d be forced to agree with you too. Because you’re not saying that there are not good places, people, and aspects of Long Island — just that they’re much more difficult to uncover, access, and enjoy than just about anywhere else in the country. None of the whiny comments I’ve seen here actually ADDRESS your points — most either ignore them completely in favor of attacking you personally or obtusely overlook the salient points of your argument. I wish they could just acknowledge that. I mean, why even get that upset that you post about hating Long Island? You’re not attacking anyone personally. And yet, I have encountered similarly protective attitudes when I’ve compared the standard of living there to just about anywhere else.

    I am a California native, and like you I’ve visited and stayed extensively in over 30 states, and now I’ve finally escaped LI to Seattle. I lived the Long Island horror for 9 years (from age 24 to 33), and while I made many many great friends there (both natives and transplants, people who live there still as well as those who’ve moved on), none of that changes the fact that Long Island is insanely overcrowded and expensive, with a population that is ridiculously economically stratified. To be honest, I blame the geography of the place, and the infrastructure that has been overlaid on it, more than anything else. The division of the island into little hamlets and towns that provide none of the homeyness and familiarity of small towns while creating a nightmare of separate civic bureaucracy kind of represents the whole of the problem. (A crapload of little towns, but in order to go to x beach, you have to be a resident of x town!?!? what is this nonsense? Hundreds of parks, large and small, but no centralized control of them? How do you even find out about them? State parks, county parks, town parks… A million roads, but only 3 roads that will take you 20 miles east or west?) Living there is just dealing with a hundred little frustrations every day. Things that should take 2 minutes take 5. Things that should take minimal effort take just a little more than necessary. The driving madness that I quickly came to expect in LI (but nowhere else in the country, though I’m from Los Angeles) is almost reasonable when you see them as a response to these little frustrations. So yes, Long Island sucks! The people who can’t or won’t acknowledge this either 1) have never lived anywhere else, and thus have nothing to compare it to, 2) are wealthy enough that they have been insulated from the everyday frustrations, 3) are stuck in LI and are trying to make the best of it by plugging their senses and shouting loudly that Long Island is a great place to live!!!!, or 4) are one of the few people who, by virtue of something other than wealth, have managed to avoid Long Island’s unpleasantness (these people, like the guy who posted from Oakdale, I bet, are truly baffled by your post. Bless them — I hope they never awaken to the truth!).

    • Frank Swift August 1, 2014 at 11:34 PM #

      Thanks alli, you’ve actually elucidated my points better than I ever could (I blame LI’s vile humidity for interfering with my thought process). :P

      BTW, I LOVED Seattle. Just to emphasize the difference between there and “here”, I remember when I stopped at the Seattle Library for an afternoon, I sat at a table with my MacBook, and two drifters walked by and just spontaneously smiled and said hello to me. Didn’t even ask me for change, lol. Another guy asked if he could sit at my table since there was no other space available, and I said sure. Polite, quiet, friendly, it was easy to strike up a conversation, and before I knew it I was talking and befriending everyone I came into contact with. Seattle just made it easy.

      I can’t fathom having the same experience here. It’s not that it’s impossible, it’s just MUCH harder, too much in fact that I often don’t find it worth the effort. People here are just too clique-ish for my tastes.

  103. Megan Cheatham Coates August 2, 2014 at 1:38 AM #

    Oh my! I have never been to Long Island, but now you have me morbidly intrigued and I feel like I should make the trek some day just to experience it myself! I was born in East TN and lived there for 30 years, but we moved to suburban ATL a few years ago. I love our new city, but NO ONE is from here! We’re almost all transplants, and I was surprised by how many of my new acquaintances moved here from New York. Everyone cites the same reason: it’s too damn expensive to live there and the money isn’t spent in a reasonable or even necessarily rational manner. Everyone has a tolerance level for these kinds of things, and you’ve reached your threshold. I get that. I don’t do overcrowding. Some people really love being in a big city, but I am not one of those people. I absolutely cannot tolerate sitting in traffic. All that stopping and starting and idiots who can’t use a turn signal! It drives me insane and no amount of phone calling or music listening is going to change that for me. Everyone has the right to happiness and if you’re unhappy on Long Island then it’s definitely time to move on! Come on down to GA! As long as you can accept that we don’t do snow or cold very well down here (I reference this past winter’s Snowmageddon debacle), then you’ll be fine!

    • Frank Swift August 3, 2014 at 1:08 PM #

      Megan, I’m following the ancient adage, “Go west, young man!” so I likely won’t wind up south. However, it may be where I end up getting my next car. http://www.carvana.com ;-)

  104. ryan hannigan August 2, 2014 at 11:06 AM #

    when it comes to the cost of living in Long Island it’s all relative… I know I won’t make the same amount of money as I would in my field/career choice anywhere else in the country…except for SF and LA…(work in NY/live in LI) and when the west coast is nicer weather and all…But I enjoy the people of NY much more.. also don’t let other peoples actions get to you… or whatever that think person thinks about you… surround yourself with people that make you happy and you can be happy anywhere..

    • AG631 August 2, 2014 at 8:17 PM #

      So true. I surround myself with people that understand the concept of mutual respect and I just disregard anyone who doesn’t understand that concept. Some people are rude, selfish, arrogant pricks and others are kind and courteous. It just depends on who you happen to run into.
      I will say that most people are unhappy due to the high cost of living. I’m guessing they’re high due to outright greed and corruption in addition to actual gov’t expenses. And some people are just looking to get ahead by scamming or screwing you over.

      As far as driving goes, I’m a fairly courteous driver. I don’t “lane hog” or weave through traffic, I let people merge in, and I let faster traffic pass but I keep pace with surrounding cars. I do enjoy driving out around the Manorville-Calverton area by the old Grumman Airfield because there’s very little traffic on the back roads in that area and I can enjoy the scenery (and sometimes wildlife).

      But in the end, despite it’s problems, I prefer being here than anywhere else. There’s just something about the Island that makes me happy to call it home.

      That’s how I feel anyways.

    • Frank Swift August 3, 2014 at 1:06 PM #

      The cost of living isn’t relative here, it’s unsustainable. If you earn middle class wages you can’t rely on strictly your income. It has to be subsidized somehow, either by parents or by splitting rents with roommates, etc. A coworker of mine started a new family and was only able to afford the shack he lives in when his parents put up $100,000 as a down payment on a new house, which still left him with a $200,000 mortgage, high property taxes, and a variable mortgage rate that can soak up most of his income easily. His experience is not atypical.

  105. LJ Zinkand August 2, 2014 at 3:43 PM #

    I’ve looked at a lot of these comments and believe that everyone has a point. You can surround yourself with good and have things be better. You can adjust your attitude as well. But I lived on LI for most of my childhood and couldn’t wait to get out! I moved out west.
    LI (and Baltimore, sorry to say), are the two places I’ve been, and I’ve been to a lot, where entering with a smile has prompted a scowl.

    • Frank Swift August 3, 2014 at 12:57 PM #

      …where entering with a smile has prompted a scowl.

      Yep, seems to be par for the course here.

  106. John August 3, 2014 at 3:59 PM #

    I take it the writer is a liberal arts major who is just upset he couldn’t find a job and afford to stay here after his parents kicked him out. I know the liberal arts thing is true because reading the ‘About’ section makes it pretty clear the writer is an all around hipster. Probably some sexual frustration in there too behind writing the article.

    • Frank Swift August 3, 2014 at 10:13 PM #

      Oh you got me, man. Totally pegged. You should be a profiler with the FBI, as you are clearly gifted with brilliant, intuitive insights into the human psyche.

  107. Long Island Tech August 4, 2014 at 10:06 AM #

    What a nice review. Every place has its good and bad and except for the traffic and high cost of living Long Island is a great place to live. Anyone who doesn’t like it is free to go. Those who hate it and choose to stay probably make up the crazy population you speak of. :)

  108. Lala August 4, 2014 at 2:23 PM #

    Wow what an ignorant article and even more ignorant comments

    • Frank Swift August 4, 2014 at 3:17 PM #

      Don’t hate on people who see the obvious for what it is, darling.

  109. Magdalena LiVolsi August 5, 2014 at 6:33 AM #

    I LOVED THIS….thank you

    • Frank Swift August 5, 2014 at 12:13 PM #

      You’re welcome! Clearly I’m voicing grievances that a LOT of people share. You’re not alone!

  110. 516ads August 5, 2014 at 10:07 PM #

    All places have their good and bad. You’ve read the bad … on the good side this tiny region has raised more Intel science award winners then the State of California … 45 minutes from NYC, 45 minutes from the Hamptons … despite what the author said, LI has many beautiful beaches … in the vast majority of neighborhoods you can walk freely, no looking over your shoulder for fear of crime … an incredibly array of activities/ programs for LI Youth … during Superstorm Sandy it was fellow LI’ers that lent helping hands for neighbors & still do, two years later … LI is also a very charitable & giving community … so yes, there’s traffic, brats, bureaucracy … but for me, and many others Long Island is a great place to live!!!!

    • Frank Swift August 5, 2014 at 10:38 PM #

      Seriously, this is a load of crap. I was right in the middle of Hurricane Sandy, and did not see this sudden outpouring of wubsie wubs and community helping hands in the aftermath. You know what I did see, gas lines that stretched for literally over a mile at 2AM, and whole blocks of neighborhoods looking like war zones that still remained untouched even weeks after the storm. If people helped each other, they were helping within their own cliques/posses, which again reinforces what was said before about LI being a bubble, filled with micro-cliques of dweebs with an inflated and unfounded sense of self-importance and superiority.

    • 516ads August 5, 2014 at 10:52 PM #

      Frank, Notice when I wrote, I didn’t make any personal claims toward your statement (b%^&*ing, complaining, etc,,,) … yet I correctly state that LI’ers lent a helping hand to each other and you say it’s a load of crap!!! You’re right, the gas lines were long, very long … they were long on LI and all the boroughs until we switched up to alternatives days … anyway,I wish you well where ever you live, obviously LI is not for you. In this case, good for you, good for LI – negativity, blaming, complaining is a downer to most … no matter where one lives!

    • Frank Swift August 5, 2014 at 11:00 PM #

      I’m addressing your assertion (whether written or implied) that LI has a sense of community, but what you call community I call cliques. We could belabor the differences all night long, but this is an important distinction that I make. LIers do not simply help fellow LIers out, they help those within their own cliquish circles out, who just HAPPEN to be fellow LIers.

    • 516ads August 5, 2014 at 10:59 PM #

      cliques/ posses = neighbors. Your use of cliques/ posses have such a negative tone to it … the fact is neighbors were helping neighbors – nothing wrong with that!

    • Frank Swift August 5, 2014 at 11:06 PM #

      It is meant in a negative sense, and indicative of the cultural rot here. Those who live inside the bubble are going to have a different perspective though, which I get really, but my blog post isn’t really meant for them.

    • 516ads August 5, 2014 at 11:12 PM #

      Obviously this young lady didn’t have it as bad as you … she found 61 great things about LI …. http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariannarebolini/strong-island-love

    • Frank Swift August 5, 2014 at 11:22 PM #

      The best thing in NY? Better than the Adirondacks? She’s on drugs.

      This comment says it all though, lol: “long island is a practical joke played upon the middle class. in a state which has the biggest divide between rich and poor long island stands out as an grand buffet of filthy rich @%@$holes alongside broke workers who live to work and work to live. you pay near city prices without most of the amenities that the city offers. it also offers the false promise of privacy and reclusiveness which is also nearly impossible to find. in short its the worst of both worlds.”


    • 516ads August 5, 2014 at 11:34 PM #

      Will you at least admit that LI has excellent bagels??? : )

    • Frank Swift August 5, 2014 at 11:37 PM #

      Fine I’ll give you that, and because I’m such a sweetheart I’ll give you All American Burgers too (although Five Guys just etches it out).

  111. laura August 6, 2014 at 7:41 AM #

    Just a bunch of people who think that the sun rises when they wake and sets when they fall asleep, they think that speeding and driving recklessly won’t affect anyone along with littering and being a complete d-bag…. majority of them claiming their family or themselves are from Italy.

  112. Al August 7, 2014 at 5:14 AM #

    Frank, other than taxation and traffic– I couldn’t disagree more with your ramblings. I’ve visited 48 of the 50 states and NY/Long Island is a special place. You’re certainly entitled to your opinion but it sounds like you’ve been shut in too long and would also recommend you scale back on your meds…… and oh yeah— please move??!!!

    • Frank Swift August 7, 2014 at 2:45 PM #

      If you (as you claim) visited 48 states and still think LI is a special snowflakey place of awesome, you are either:

      1. Lying

      2. On powerful hallucinogens

      3. Mentally Deranged

      or more likely, all of the above.

  113. Colleen August 7, 2014 at 8:27 PM #

    While I don’t hate Long Island as much as you do I understood everything you said. My husband and I grew up there but we knew we would never afford a decent house in a nice town (we could have lived in a not nice town but we would still pay ridiculous taxes to live in a dump) so two years ago we moved to New Hampshire and it was the best thing we have ever done. Beautiful state, wonderful normal people and we are healthier both financially and mentally without all the stress, traffic and ugliness of Long Island. Every time we visit our families we have the same type of discussion-why do so many people live here?! For the ridiculously high taxes, rude people, and traffic? We can’t wait to leave the second we cross the bridge! The sooner you can leave the better! Good luck!

    • Frank Swift August 7, 2014 at 10:57 PM #

      I LOVE New Hampshire. The first time I ever visited I was completely struck by how friendly the people were and how high the mountains are. I think they’re the largest mountains you can find outside of the Rockies, and it shows. I’m actually hoping to go back this fall. :)

  114. Tribaltech September 22, 2014 at 1:55 PM #

    Wow this article is SPOT ON!!!! I HATE LI with all my heart and soul and I don’t even live there. I just commute to work there every now and then and cannot wrap my head around how people can live in that cesspool. Ughhh what a nasty place with high-headed, cocky millionaires and clueless middle class who is getting choked to death. And don’t even get me started on the bloody LIE and the various, meaningless, expressways and highways that are basically 18 hours/day parking lots. If I had millions I still won’t live in the Hamptons or on LI. It is just not worth it. Disgusting congested sewer of a place.

  115. Claire Weston October 7, 2014 at 5:00 PM #

    Frank, I couldn’t agree with you more- especially about the bi-polar populous. I’ve lived elsewhere and I cannot understand why people here a so down right nasty and inconsiderate to those outside the clique – meaning the rest of the general public. The restaurants are lousy, the supermarkets filthy, and the roads criminally bad. The landscape hasn’t changed in decades and people consistently fight progress. I’d ask if you were single but you sound a lot younger than me. Thanks for the belly laughs.

    • Frank Swift October 8, 2014 at 4:08 PM #

      Haha, you’re welcome Claire! Since the landscape won’t change it’s time for me to make my own change (of scenery) Hopefully that time will come early 2015!

    • 516ads October 8, 2014 at 4:31 PM #

      You can get away from a region; but you can’t get away from yourself. I can’t imagine any region of the country could cause me such disdain. I, like everyone is responsible for our own happiness no matter where we live. Hope you’re happier where ever you go!!! – David, Long Island, NY

    • lizzybrock October 11, 2014 at 8:05 PM #

      can’t we all have a mini get together because clearly we all have one thing in common: we are very different than most long islanders…(hashtag justsayin’)

    • Frank Swift October 11, 2014 at 9:08 PM #

      We should get together! As long as it’s not on Long Island. ;-)

  116. Al Brekyurnek October 11, 2014 at 7:35 PM #

    I grew up on Long Island and it sucks big time! It’s flat, gray, ugly, dismal, the weather sucks and 95% of the people there are moronic spirit crushing $$$holes. I finally got out for good and moved to the Bay Area in 1979 and couldn’t be happier. My lifer friends who have never been off that ugly little island don’t understand why I left, but it’s like eating sh*& all your life, so you wouldn’t understand what lobster tastes like. I don’t really feel bad for them since that dismal life is all they know, but I’m soooo glad I got outta that nasty toxic environment. F*&^ LONG ISLAND!!!

  117. Karl October 28, 2014 at 12:22 PM #

    Did you find a girlfriend/move yet???

    • Frank Swift October 28, 2014 at 2:44 PM #

      I’ll be moving in the spring! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not sure exactly where yet but at least it won’t be Long Suckland!

      I figure the girlfriend part can come after I settle into my new abode. ;-)

  118. Alicia November 18, 2014 at 2:49 PM #

    I hate living on Long Island myself, and cannot wait till I can move away. This year I have been looking at different places and trying to focus on finances to ensure it happens before the fall of next year. I also liked Tennessee as a possible future home. I stayed in the Townsend area for a week over the summer and did some preliminary house hunting! Wherever you choose to move I hope you enjoy it :)

    • Frank Swift November 18, 2014 at 5:04 PM #

      I’ve heard good things about Townsend, nice choice! I’m actually reconsidering Tennessee myself (over Colorado) mainly because of no state income taxes, I’d get back over $3000 a year extra money just by living there, so it’s something to consider.

  119. X. Guylander November 18, 2014 at 3:46 PM #

    Not trying to bash or badmouth ‘the island’ also being a ‘native’ of the place, but honestly, living there was a boondoggle and leaving there was one of the best things that’s ever happened for me in my life. It was too costly, too cramped, and too stressful, and there was not enough natural beauty or peace and quiet. I personally never had any intention or thought whatsoever of leaving Long Island until certain circumstances in my life (including Sandy) brought me out West two years ago. Now, since I left, I realize how blind I was the whole time, to a certain unfortunate reality about the place. I mean, I have learned that no matter where you live or what you have, by working to change yourself and overcome whatever your faults you might have, you can certainly improve your life. But, I realize now that simply changing where you live can also be a huge help. I have learned that, as a fact of life, there are going to be these forces and pressures that ceaselessly work against finding true happiness. From someone who was born and lived there my whole life until recently, I can say that those built-in forces and pressures of life that we all face are simply not as strong elsewhere as they are on Long Island. And I have also found, sadly, that these many overwhelming social and economic pressures, as discussed at length in the blog post and comments, are simply not made up for in return by anything else. Not a prideful association to some famous people, nor some nice but overcrowded beaches, nor even the readily available and admittedly tasty bagels and pizza.

    Thanks for an informative and entertaining blog and comments section, Frank and everyone.

    (tl;dr) Lived on LI from birth until two years ago; the few pros do not outweigh the many cons of living there.

    • Frank Swift November 18, 2014 at 5:11 PM #

      I feel the same way X.Guy, it’s true that some people are determined to be miserable no matter where they go, but you expressed very eloquently why living situations can override even your best efforts to be happy. It’s like being in prison, how much fault can one find with a guy who’s unhappy he’s in prison? Someone might berate him and say, “You CHOOSE to be miserable, that’s why you’re unhappy!” To which the inmate would reply, “No, I’m unhappy because I’m in #$#&ING PRISON.”

      There are too many people whose lives have been transformed, literally transformed (for the better) just by leaving Long Island. I hope those in which this island has not been a good fit for all find a way off and find the happiness they’re looking for.

  120. sn95gt November 20, 2014 at 3:13 PM #

    So i found this after googling “long island sucks” to find some commiseration I’ll admit it. This was after travelling 22 miles round trip through shopping districts of central suffolk. And thus taking way too long due to traffic and being surrounded by an endless supply of strip malls. I’m from upstate, but have been living on long island since 2006. The decision to move was based on proximity to my family and an opportunity for me at Stony Brook University. I agree with a lot of the original post, not so much with the personal life aspects however.

    Really I could tell countless stories about why I dislike long island but i’ll just tell a few:

    In 2012, election day, after work I went to my local polling place to vote. As you may recall queuing to vote was an issue, which was the case at my polling place. However, the line was not even that long (perhaps 20 people). It was about 6pm i’d say. When I got close to the table where voters i’d themselves I noticed an nice, sweet, women in here late 70’s or early 80’s volunteering by taking voters names prior to dispatching them to a machine. She seemed excited to be helping…until folks in the line started complaining about the short wait (maybe 5 – 10 minutes). All of a sudden the lovely, elderly volunteers joy seemed to melt away as the complaints towards her continued. Another woman volunteer, perhaps in her mid 40’s, came up to console her and offer encouragement that she was doing a great job. Yet, with some sadness and emotion the older woman replied: “I’m trying to help but they are all getting mad at me… :( . My heart sank after she said this, but the complaints continued. As I looked to see (and make disapproving eye contact) with the complainers they were all middle aged people to my dismay!! Rude to the %^&king MAX!! Seriously??!!

    Next is an encounter with a young man whom was maybe, and I do mean MAYBE 5’3″ tall. Yet he walked around like he was the biggest tough guy there was and we all owe him a favor. Dealing with him was a supreme exercise of my patience and I almost lost it a few times. I was honestly at a lost for words ’cause I’d never encountered someone with such a large napoleon complex in my life. Normally I like to distance myself from folks like this but under the circumstance this wasn’t an option. I mean I’m still baffled by this dude’s behavior to this day. If he continues he will get himself in some serious trouble!!

    Which brings me to my next point. Something I’ve noticed about rude folks around here is that they are quick to spit negativity to you from a distance but when push comes to shove and you bring it back to them in their face they are quick to play the victim and call the police. Where i grew up the state troopers and local sheriffs weren’t everywhere like the suffolk pd. For instance I can recall two neighbors of mine in some sort of dispute. They were upstairs, and downstairs to one another. The downstairs neighbor gets a restraining order on the upstairs neighbor! And a week or so later the upstairs neighbor goes to jail and has to post $12k bail for release. This is over to ^&*ing words!!! I’ve seen much worse neighborly conflicts get sorted face to face, no law enforcement, but again this was in my home town.

    I understand people do like it here. And if you have a strong social/family network I can see how it would be ok. But those people that proclaim Long Island is so beautiful and the best place on earth need to get out. Where I come from isn’t the most beautiful place either but at least I’m honest about it. Live somewhere cheaper, even with lower relative salaries you will save money trust me I know. Take that savings and go to some real beaches a short plain ride away and stop telling me about west hampton and robert moses.

    Fix the overpopulation on Long Island and people will relax a lot more, traffic will calm down, housing prices will drop, and it will be a better place to live. In the meantime I have no patience whatsoever for rude people and my natural knee jerk reaction is to put them in there place when it’s directed towards me. However I’m getting sick and tired of doing this and am looking for an opportunity to leave myself. Don’t get me wrong I’ve met some cool folks out here. But the minority of rude people that does exist are so loud it’s fairly unbearable.

    Ahhh…i feel better now. haha…thanks for this post.

    • Frank Swift November 21, 2014 at 8:24 PM #

      Thanks for sharing! I’ve actually seen that behavior from short men at my job. My folks and I would crack about it by calling it “little man syndrome,” where they have a napoleon complex in order to compensate for a shorter height. We just had to deal with some of the rudeness you’ve commented on the other day at a BJS Warehouse. People just seem to SNAP if they have to wait more than 5 seconds to get through a line. These things used to happen every now and then, but now it seems to be an everyday occurrence. I think we’ve crossed a threshold here, and I’m truly hoping my folks and I escape before whatever powder keg this island is sitting on finally explodes.

  121. Jim December 6, 2014 at 2:07 PM #

    I just moved to Tampa recently. And i must the traffic here is horrible. you are correct in your statement Long island has gone down the tubes. I hope i can make here. Miss Long Island already strange as it sounds.

    • Frank Swift December 9, 2014 at 12:10 PM #

      Good luck, hope Tampa won’t end up being another Long Island to you. :)

  122. Clay Hundenshire December 16, 2014 at 2:35 PM #

    I moved away from LI in 1990. I missed it at first, but traveling in the military, then settling in MA, I would never live there again. Much of my family is still there, and they never leave. They have that attitude that LI is the best place on earth. Well, how could one truly know when they have never experienced anything else. The traffic, the traffic cameras, the speed limits, the rudeness, the living on top of each other, high taxes, and no room to move drive me crazy. Can’t rid a motorcycle there and enjoy it. Can’t go hiking without running into a million people. Can’t carry a gun unless you are special. I used to think LI was the greatest also, but I have been back and fourth so many times, and in MA, I feel it’s like LI when I was a kid, but not growing as rapidly. I am happy I do not live on LI, and my favorite part of being down there, is when I cross the whitestone bridge, hit the hutch, and on my way back to MA. Granted, MA home prices are almost as high as LI, comparable to Suffolk, you have more room between you neighbors, many time backing up to conservation land, that cannot be built on. It’s just way better all of the way around, as long as you don’t mind driving 5-10 minutes to get to a store. Well worth it for me.

    • Frank Swift December 17, 2014 at 12:27 PM #

      I’m glad you found happier times in Massachusetts! The real estate prices where you are might be comparable, but as you said you’re getting a LOT more in return for your investment than you would have for the same price on Long Island.

  123. Infinityman December 18, 2014 at 4:33 PM #

    Hey man, I can totally relate you nailed it. I was a grad student at stony brook for 5 years, finally I have a nice job in the city and live in Brooklyn, I didn’t realize how bad the place was after coming to live here. Unfortunately my girlfriend is still goes to school on Long Island or what is known as the fart trail of Brooklyn according to a sitcom character. She hates the city and I can’t for the life of me imagine why and likes the s***hole called Long Island, as fate would have it I love her and I may end up moving back to the island, and I am bawling like a child begging her to give the city a chance but she refuses to listen. God help me, I don’t want to move back there but I may have to for the sake of love.

    • Frank Swift December 18, 2014 at 5:29 PM #

      Ok so, you have a girlfriend who:

      A) Loves Long Island

      B) Won’t compromise with you on a more agreeable living situation

      Here’s my advice: Run from this girl. Run very fast. Don’t look back. Find a lovely tall blonde who lives in Tribeca and be happy again.

  124. Shawn Flaherty December 24, 2014 at 2:19 PM #

    I totally agree! I live and work in NJ, but I deliver to hell (Long Island). You said pretty much everything I been thinking! The worst areas for road rage, speeding, dummies and impatience has to be: 1. Nesconset, and Nesconset Highway area including Nicholls Rd, Centereach area North & South, 2. All of the LIE from West to East. 3. Rockville Center, Sunset Highway is a mess. You can only make left turns in select areas off that %^&*hole highway. 4. New York Ave in Huntington. You have speeders, slow pokes, tailgaters all on one 30mph road with no cops in sight. 5. Walt Whitman Shops area. Right by the mall. Straight dummies over there. Do people even sleep? I am there at 3am and its packed like it is 8am in NJ. Hate delivering there and I hope the rioters and protesters burn it down

    • Frank Swift December 24, 2014 at 2:34 PM #

      Thanks for visiting Shawn. It’s depressing to see even as far as Nesconset the landscape is still pretty bad. I thought of moving further out east as a possible way to avoid some of the congestion and save on expenses, but there really seems to be no place for me here.

  125. LongTimeLongIslander :-0 December 27, 2014 at 2:29 PM #

    Long Island Zombie Fever : if you put a bunch of rude people in a small place, eventually the rest of the people will become rude while defending themselves.

    Impressed by how much time it must have taken to write up all of that detail about Long Island life. I wish you luck in building a calmer better future.


    • Frank Swift December 28, 2014 at 12:58 PM #

      Where’s Rick Grimes when you need him? ;-)

  126. Not staying too much longer January 11, 2015 at 11:01 PM #

    I am so glad to find this article…I thought it was just me…being a native New Englander…this place has been hell. I can learn to go with the flow on most things, but the people have been a big challenge. Hot and cold is right, a friend one day, foe the next. Sharpen your: social climbing skills, manipulative behavior, ability to lie to someone to their face, backstab and all other qualities you look for in a “good friend.” I got one-year left in me, that’s it.

    • Frank Swift January 11, 2015 at 11:48 PM #

      I hope you’ll be out sooner than a year. Hang in there!

  127. Meghan January 13, 2015 at 5:52 PM #

    I agree with some things in here. It is very expensive to live here, and once I graduate college I’m out of here. But, the only thing I found a little ridiculous is that there ARE good people here. You can’t just assume that everyone here is greedy and nasty or whatever you said. It makes you sound ignorant, because I doubt you have gotten the chance to meet and personally know every single Long Islander.

    I do agree with your comment on 347. I hate driving here. It’s absolutely horrendous how no one can comprehend the idea of the left lane being for faster traffic.

    I also don’t know if I would say Long Island is disgusting because there are some nice areas to visit. I personally like going down port in the summer even just for a day.

    I am definitely moving, but Long Island is still my hometown so I won’t completely rip on it since I have had plenty of good times here.

    Go to King of Prussia in PA, or Delhi, upstate.. It’s even worse.

    My question to you is; if you hate it so much why don’t you leave?

    • Frank Swift January 13, 2015 at 6:15 PM #

      I don’t think anyone is saying there aren’t good people here. But the bad vastly outnumber the good. If you have to make a considerable effort to dig the jewels out of the landfill that is Long Island, chances are you’re not going to be happy here (unless you’re part of the landfill).

      As for leaving, you ever actually try moving from one state to another? It’s not as easy as it sounds. You have to get a job first. And how about when you don’t have family in other states? Even harder.

      I will be leaving though (THANK YOU JESUS), but it took amassing a considerable nest egg (made harder due to Long island’s high cost of living) as well as transitioning to a completely different career (not just a lateral move, an entirely different career) to make such a move possible.

      Don’t be one of those flippant sort who remain completely ignorant as to the difficulties of migrating from one place to another, especially when they don’t have a lot of money or family in other areas of the country to rely on to help them relocate.

    • Meghan January 14, 2015 at 12:21 PM #

      Good luck to you then.

  128. NuclearCannoli January 19, 2015 at 3:54 PM #

    I’m definitely late to this post, but thanks for the great read. I was born on Long Island and have lived here all my life, and all your complaints are valid. I have learned living here, there is a small group of people who are fairly normal and good to relate to, however they are all desperate to leave, or have already. I’m currently looking at other states, Oregon and Washington in particular, to move to. The jobs market here is horrendous, the salaries are ridiculously low. As a recruiter I’m dealing with that issue all the time, and I have to patiently explain to people that is the market rate for a job is 100K, you’re not likely to find someone at 45K. The middle class here is decimated, and employers are forever pushing salaries lower and lower and lower, and offering jack $%^& in terms of off time and benefits while pushing hours worked well over 60 on average.

    And, having driven in more than a few states now both during normal and rush hour times, I agree, Long Island is in a class all its own. It took me a while to figure out why, but it comes down to this: traffic on Long Island, more than anywhere else I’ve driven, is more often and more obviously the result of stupidity than anything else. It’s not just volume, you get that anywhere. It’s morons who can’t drive and who never should have been allowed in a car.

    The women? Well that’s a rough one. I’ve met and dated quite a lot of nice, down to earth women on Long Island. They’ve almost all left. But there is an overload of wallet rapers here that’s insane, and the guido factor is massive as well. It’s Jersey Shore without the charm or humility, the amount of detritus you have to wade through to find a decent woman to speak to, or a decent guy for the women, is staggering.

    Overall I’d say it’s an aging, rich, politically connected population that’s out of touch and quickly losing its base that’s the cause of all Long Island’s problems. The geezers in charge of everything don’t realize for the most part their their kids are leaving, or hate the place. And instead of lightening the tax burden or loosening housing regs to allow the construction of more apartments, and prevailing upon business leaders to at least do salary surveys and, if not raise wages, at least admit they’re paying 50% under market in many instances, and often not enough for even one person to rent a closet, and acknowledge the problems that might cause if the majority of your population can’t afford a place to sleep, the morons in charge just come up with more boondoggles to allow corrupt contracting firms to build condos and sell them at $1,000,000 bucks a square foot. And they do this while living in houses they bought in the 60s that would selling for millions at this point in time, not realizing that if they were to have come out here now, there would be no way in hell they could build a life as they did before. It’s too expensive, the jobs aren’t there, and when they are, the pay is so low it’s ridiculous.

    Long Island means ungodly housing prices, ridiculously expensive costs of living outside of housing, hours upon hours upon hours stuck in traffic, and bars full of guys with popped collars and an unholy orange tinge to their skin, either from the jaundice due to the steroids or perpetual molestation of fake bake products, and jobs that pay so little going into debt is a requirement to stay, or you could simply not have a social life. I’ve been interviewing in other states over the phone. Nothing has come yet, but the second an offer comes, I’m at the point where I don’t care where it is. Almost all my friends have left, the ones that remain want out ASAP. It’s time for me to get the hell out of here too.

    • Frank Swift January 19, 2015 at 4:21 PM #

      Thanks for sharing NC. On the off chance that I would have to remain here, I did another sweep of apartment options, and LOL. It’s telling that I can take a $20,000 to $30,000 pay cut and still enjoy the same quality of living in other states. There really is nothing for me here, so I hope it’s only a matter of time before I can finally leave for good, even if it means leaving a safe government job for a chance in the private sector.

      If you’re looking in the Pacific Northwest, I would recommend Washington State with all the major tech companies (if that’s your background) located there for the best job opportunities. I’ve been there several times now, and I find the suburbs like Redmond, Bellevue, etc. to be polar opposites with Long Island (except for congested traffic, but even the you get much less stressed out over it). Oregon doesn’t offer as many options, and I found Portland to be a bit grimy and hippie-weird compared to Seattle. As far as climate, jobs, quality of living, etc, it’s hard to find a better opportunity than there, plus it’s as far away from Long island as you can get without pushing off to Alaska. ;-)

  129. Chris January 22, 2015 at 2:42 AM #

    I’ve been to 20 countries to know you can find inflated real estate, traffic, “corruption”, and weird/unwelcoming people almost anywhere. I’ve been able to create something that works for me and hopefully you can do the same wherever you end up.

  130. Chris H January 23, 2015 at 10:44 AM #

    I’m 31 years old, and I have lived on Long Island my entire life (in Suffolk county). The past few years my wife and I have been considering a move to Northern Virginia among other places. I think the reason so many people here are rude and miserable has a lot to do with some of the things you mentioned. People here are stressed. Many people commute 3-4 hours a day just to get to and from work. That involves car rides, train rides, subway rides, and cab rides. When they get home to their LITTLE house, that many pay almost $12,000 a year in taxes for, they spend little quality time with their family. Then they have to go to bed so they can make their long commute to work again the following morning. There is no work/life balance.

    The cost of living here is absurd. We’ve been looking for houses. Even houses in mediocre neighborhoods. Every house is run-down. Every house the taxes are at least $9,000 a year, and that’s for a SMALL piece of ^&*% house that needs at least $50,000 worth of rehab work. Want to send your kids to a good school? Well, God forbid we have one school district in Suffolk County and save some tax dollars. No, we need to have 100 different districts. This way the rich kids can go to school with rich kids and the poor kids can go to school with other poor kids. Want to send your kid to Half Hollow Hills? You can, but you’ll pay $12,000 – $16,000+ per year in taxes for it. How ridiculous is that? The cost of living is too high.

    I see it with my parents. Long Island has taken it’s toll. They worked their asses off their entire lives and will have a hard time retiring because of the exorbitant cost of living they endured here. Instead they paid for the cush retirements of all the overpaid teachers, police officers, and bureaucrats. Now my wife and I have to make a decision to leave or stay. What holds us back? I feel guilty leaving my family behind. I have two children and it kills me that they may only get to see their grandparents once or twice a year if I leave.

    One last thing I’d like to mention, and it’s a very big issue. The job market sucks on Long Island. There is no industry here. As I type this, I’m sitting at home with no job. I have a bachelors degree in an IT related discipline plus years of experience. It’s been almost three months and still NOTHING. Down in Northern Virginia I have had two job offers for BIG companies (and get this, they pay more there), and had to turn down both because we weren’t sure if we should make the move. We got cold feet, but I don’t think we can do this much longer.

    I have a lot of great memories here. I mean really, really, great memories with family and friends. Fun summers at the beach, fishing, camping, riding our bicycles around the neighborhood, building tree forts, etc… we were always out there even in winter too, especially if it snowed. Now when I drive around the same neighborhoods I grew up around, I can see it has changed. There aren’t nearly as many children. Years ago many people did home improvements, you don’t see that much either. Housing prices have dropped, but taxes keep going up higher and higher. So, now you’re left with areas that have scared away young families because of the high taxes and lack of jobs. And what’s left are small aging houses, that nobody wants to make bigger or update due to fear of higher taxes and lack of money because of the high cost of living. Long Island has changed, and we need to realize it’s not the place it was when we were younger. The Island has beautiful nature, but what good is it if you hardly ever get to see it?

    I could go on, but I’ll end it here. In summary many people here are miserable because…

    1) No work/life balance.
    2) High cost of living (mostly the taxes) even for small dilapidated homes.
    3) Lack of good jobs and industry close to home (unless you’re a police officer or teacher).
    4) Retire after you die.

    • Frank Swift January 23, 2015 at 1:49 PM #

      Great comment Chris!

      Moving from grandparents really suck, but barring what I know about their circumstances, they might surprise you by leaving too. My own parents are planning to follow me as well. We have no roots here, so for us, it’s much easier to just pick up and go.

      I would definitely consider Virginia, but only if you like the climate and the region, and feel it’s a good place to raise your ids. If not I would recommend keeping an active LinkedIn profile and applying for jobs on a regular basis there in regions you’re most interested in. This approach is the easiest way to mass apply for jobs, because you’re not left to constantly register at a zillion different sites just to apply for openings (which drove me crazy).

      Definitely have my sympathy, when I graduated college with a computer science degree, it still took me 18 months to find my first job, even during a time when the IT industry was booming. I’ll never forget that demoralizing experience.

    • NuclearCannoli March 16, 2015 at 5:46 PM #


      I work in IT recruiting on Long Island, my advice is to leave for VA. The market is supposedly getting ‘better,’ but I still have clients that are routinely sending my positions that should get easily 90-100K, and the salary they’re willing to pay is 60K. I have no idea what’s wrong with these people, all I know is it’s not getting better. Your best bet is to look in Manhattan, where at least the pay will be reasonable, and deal with the commute, or get the hell out of here. My brother, who left here for the very reasons you list, is currently trying to help me get out of here too. It’s a hell hole, and pretty soon there won’t be anyone left but the super rich and the people who clean their toilets. Everyone I know, and I mean EVERYONE, has either left already or is only staying because of family, and will leave as soon as that’s not an issue. This place is horrendous. I’m getting out ASAP, I recommend everyone do so.

    • Frank Swift March 16, 2015 at 6:18 PM #

      Thanks for the advice NC, I’ve actually secured a brand new job literally today, and will be leaving Long Island sometime in the spring. To say I’m shellshocked is an understatement. It’s like hearing that I’ve just been paroled from prison.

    • Maeve March 16, 2015 at 8:01 PM #

      Frank!!! You’re finally heading to Colorado? What about Bonnie?

    • Frank Swift March 16, 2015 at 8:50 PM #

      Bonnie’s already there, it would just be a matter of picking her up before getting situated. :-D More to come as the pieces slowly fall into place!

  131. Connir February 19, 2015 at 11:41 AM #

    Anyone uptight enough to divulge this many words on an abhorrence toward long islanders must be a lunatic in his own right and thus rightfully from Long Island.

    – love a calm normal long islander who finds this hilarious.

    • Frank Swift February 19, 2015 at 12:06 PM #

      Ad hominem attacks because you don’t like what I say? You’re either a typical Long Guuuylander or a Masshole.

  132. california girl February 26, 2015 at 2:35 PM #

    So Frank, are you leaving soon? Would you give me some information about the car and house insurance cost on Long Island?

    • Frank Swift February 26, 2015 at 3:04 PM #

      That’s going to vary wildly, so I can only say I personally pay $1400 a year for car insurance (this after the good driver rating and defensive driving discounts are applied.) For home insurance that varies even more wildly, but some stats I’ve seen give a ROUGH estimate of it being 120% to 150% above the national average, so it’s not uncommon to see insurance rates from $1500 to $2200 a year or more. The Hurricane Sandy aftermath have pushed rates to beyond ridiculous too, forcing some owners to significantly raise their deductibles in order to shave the costs.

      If things work out for me I hope to leave spring or early summer. :)

  133. california girl February 26, 2015 at 3:30 PM #

    Thank you for your speedy response. My husband company asked him to relocate to Long Island so I’ve been doing my own research. We are paying $430 for about 1600sf single home per year; and paying about $1,000 per 2 cars a year in Southern California.

    • Frank Swift February 26, 2015 at 4:02 PM #

      Those sound like pretty good rates, especially for California.

  134. Ooga February 28, 2015 at 4:24 PM #

    I was searching for recent news on Long Island being in the top 10 most expensive places to live in USA and I ended up here haha. I hope you find that happier place soon.

    It sucks but I think I will have to move in the near future too. I’m 30, living with my parents, which isn’t a big deal in our Asian culture. But just looking at the cost to buy my own house in the future is mind-boggling. You can’t find a decent place to live unless you pay at least $400k! And if you do get that house, you are expected to pay $10k+ in taxes every year. It just doesn’t make sense to put my money down when I’m looking at similar/better houses in other states that only cost around $250k.

    Then you have to deal with traffic jams or rising fares for public transportation. Southern State is always packed because there are always accidents there. Meanwhile, you have the MTA raising fares constantly yet you can’t seem to see the improvements anywhere.

    I think if you want to live on Long Island, either be poor or rich. There’s no happy medium.

    • Frank Swift March 2, 2015 at 12:04 PM #

      Agreed, this is no longer a place for the middle class to live and thrive in.

  135. Frank Swift March 5, 2015 at 11:01 PM #

    Seriously? You berate me for complaining but then complain about where you live? Are you stupid?

    Wish you had stayed on Long Island then. We don’t need your kind going out and polluting the rest of the country with your crybaby complaints that the bagels elsewhere just aren’t as good.

  136. Brooklyn Resident March 12, 2015 at 2:45 AM #

    “Get a life. You spent all these pages writing about your hatred. You are someone people would like to be with (not). Blaming your dating life on Long Island. Maybe it’s you people don’t want to be with. You’re a loser. You’ll never be happy about anything for a long period.”

    Spoken like a true Long Island native. You’ll never understand if you weren’t born and raised outside of Long Island, moron.

  137. Frank Swift March 15, 2015 at 1:13 AM #

    BTW, new apartments opened up in Farmingdale with $2700 a month rent for a one bedroom:


    How about West Hempstead, with one bedrooms at $2100:


    Gee I guess it’s not just Garden City.

    Of course you CAN find apartments for somewhat cheaper, as long as you don’t mind the cockroaches, the OSHA violations, the section 8ers, etc, etc.

    • NuclearCannoli March 16, 2015 at 5:54 PM #

      I got an apartment in Farmingdale for around 1200. It’s not bad, but you’re right about the section 8ers and the roaches. I dumped enough boric acid to kill a heard of buffalo, so no more roaches. But my low class ‘neighbors’ spend the majority of their time screaming at each other, and I have to deal with repo guys and bill collectors coming for them all the time. I saw those apartments, my mother’s friend told me about them. Built specifically to ‘attract young people to the area.’ $2700 for a one bed room apartment, right next to a train station, and right across the street from where some nut job hacked his mother’s head off and dumped her body in the road. That’s ‘affordability’ on Long Island these days. I don’t know anyone who could afford those apartments on a single income. And I went on an interview on a lark the other day with some recruiter, the position she was offering was paying 40K, and they wanted 5 years of experience. At 40K.

      It never ceases to amaze me, how insane employers on the island are.

    • Frank Swift March 16, 2015 at 7:24 PM #

      I think most people just hook up with roommates to split the rent. It’s the only way to come even close to paying these kinds of rates as a middle class worker. I also don’t get people who think me asking for an apartment that’s clean and legal is borne out of a sense of undeserved entitlement. Really? I’m not asking for the Hilton here, just a roof over my head that doesn’t leak, and legal rights as a tenant (especially with a service dog soon in tow.) That’s nearly impossible here.

      Now that I’m moving though, one of the apartments I’m considering out of state has a balcony overlooking the mountains, a fireplace, washer/dryer, great amenities and a remote garage all for $800 a month. I can’t even fathom the astounding difference in rents outside of Long Island here, and for gorgeous apartments too. You can make 40K, live in a decent place, and still have enough to go to Disney World every year. It’s incredible that employers on LI completely ignore the astronomical cost of living and pay workers wages that would only make sense if you were living in Kansas. And people living in the LI bubble continue to make excuses for this. Shame on them.

    • NuclearCannoli March 17, 2015 at 12:58 PM #

      Most people outside Long Island don’t fathom our rents. Even is areas which pay less, they usually don’t pay THAT much less, and the rent is still such a massively lower portion of your income. The same goes for mortgages. Here on the island, rent can easily be 50% or more of your take home for a d**n studio apartment. If you want to live in an illegal apartment in someone’s basement you can get that down a good bit. What’s more, the old corrupt toads who run the island politically still think it’s the 50s, 60s, and 70s, when new houses went for a song and everyone was riding high on good jobs and GI loan, and the L.I.E. was still a dirt road out east. I have a feeling when this place dives it’s going to go fast and hard. That’s why I want to be out ASAP, before that happens. Congrats on getting out of here yourself, it’s going to be the best move you’ll ever make.

      I was speaking to my brother recently, he kind of saw the beginning of this trend in the 80s and 90s. His first job was for some moron who ran a wire company, and refused to pay anyone but the barest subsistence wages, and meanwhile he’s living in a d**n mansion on the north shore. His turnover was horrendous, I’ve spoken to people who worked there in the past. But he knew he could get away with it because they’ve got a captive labor force on the island; it’s work out here for a crap salary and 30-40 minute commute each way, or Manhattan for a much better salary but an extra 3-4 hours lost each day in commuting. Too many millionaires here who either never knew what it was like to live on a wage, because they got Mommy and Daddy’s money, or simply forgot.

  138. Michele March 17, 2015 at 2:24 PM #

    You made me laugh out loud while reading this. There are many truths and sadly, I can relate to many of the same situations you have experienced. You forgot to mention the women who dress as though they should be on a makeover show with the nails, the gold, and the sense of entitlement. Another habit that is annoying is the need for people to repeat over and over again. I have lived in the real upstate NY and Brooklyn and I never heard such ramblings until I moved here.

    I am happy you are escaping and I am green with envy I cannot. Good luck with your new venture.

    • Frank Swift March 17, 2015 at 2:38 PM #

      Thanks Michele!!! Keep the faith too, it took me a LONG, LONG time before such a move was possible, first paying off loans, building a nest egg, cutting all ties that would keep me here, and finally a career change that gives me the autonomy to live anywhere. If I can make it though, anyone can. =) Good luck and keep persevering!

  139. Jim March 19, 2015 at 8:30 PM #

    OMG!! I seriously totally 100% agree. I am a born and bred native of Queens, and while Queens may have it’s downfalls, Long Island is a pit!! I hate when I have to go there. It’s a ghetto with like 1 nice neighborhood and it’s filled with (for lack of a better term) retards that think it’s California in the summer. I really wish they would make it it’s own state and keep with white trash out of my city!

  140. Pablo March 21, 2015 at 11:24 PM #

    Frank, I haven’t had the chance to read through all the responses yet, but I have to say that your description of Long Island is priceless and so very, very accurate :). In fact, in many cases, you’ve taken the words right out of my mouth (as my wife will happily testify). I’m not from Long Island. I’m from Europe. I moved here in 2012, but within a few days of arriving, I realized that this “fish-shaped extension” was the breeding ground for the rudest, most selfish, most arrogant people I’ve ever come across (and that’s saying something considering I’ve lived and worked all over Europe and visited many countries around the world).

    Drivers here are the worst on the planet. It’s claimed by many that Italian and French roads are nightmares to drive on, but the people who make this claim have never driven on Long Island. Italian and French drivers are timid in comparison to the crazies who let themselves loose on Long Island’s parkways everyday. Considering the insane way that people drive here, I don’t understand why there aren’t more accidents. It defies all logic.

    Customer service is also non-existent on this protruding lump of over-populated land that used to be home to Native American Indians when it was still a paradise a few hundred years ago before the Europeans came and took the land from them. I’ve had better customer service from zombies. I’ve also lost count of the supermarkets that blatantly breach New York’s Health and Hygiene regulations. I’ve never in my life come across such dirty supermarkets as here on Long Island and, I must say, also in Brooklyn, Queens and New York City. It really is quite shameful when compared with the high standards of hygiene in European supermarkets (and especially in Britain).

    Like you, I’m also fed up with having to drive for miles to get some peace and quiet. My neighbors kids make enough noise to wake the dead, but is there a noise ordinance law In Nassau Country to deal with these excessively noisy children and their irresponsible parents? Not at all. Where I come from, there’s a 24-hour noise ordinance to cover this type of selfish, anti-social behavior. By law (in New York as well) people have a right to the ‘Quiet Enjoyment’ (to use a legal term) of their homes. Kids will be kids, of course, but it doesn’t mean that they should be allowed to scream and run wild. It’s called good upbringing. These days it’s frowned upon by parents who think that their kids should be allowed to do whatever they want whenever they want. How sad is this? If only these silly people would realize that keeping their kids under a bit of control will actually be good for them when they grow up. I’m not talking about putting tape over their mouths. I’m talking about bringing them up to have respect for themselves and other people. I’m talking about bringing them up so that they don’t automatically expect to have everything they want. This behavior is rife here. Why should New York City have stronger noise ordinance laws than Long island? It doesn’t make sense.

    Anyway, I’ve had enough. I’m leaving. I’m going back to Europe. Europe isn’t perfect but we have hardly any gun crime and most countries have very efficient health care programs. We also have much less racism than in the states, and in general, most people respect the law. Here on Long Island, people act as if they are a law unto themselves. If you tell someone to please take their dog off the beach, they tell you to f*** off. If you tell a bad driver that he/she didn’t signal before pulling out (and thereby almost causing an accident), he/she tells you to f*** off. I’m sick and tired of this awful attitude. Where I come from, if someone tells you you messed up (and you did mess up), you have the guts to admit it and apologize. You don’t give people the finger (as they do here on Long Island).

    If I ever come back to the States (which is quite possible), it will definitely not be to Long Island and it will almost certainly not be to New York State.

    Frank, I wish you good luck wherever you’re heading. It can only be better than here. Keep us up to date. I’ll check your blog every few days to see how you’re doing. Take care.

  141. jeanne March 27, 2015 at 9:42 AM #

    I am making the same exact move. Brookhaven Town to Morganton/Hickory this summer. Job Relocation….

    • Frank Swift March 27, 2015 at 11:35 AM #

      Nice, hope the move goes well! I’ve been close to that area while visiting the Smokies too. Lots of scenic places to visit nearby. :)


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