When I hear the word vortex, the image that springs to mind is the Star Trekian type of vortex. You know, a spinning funnel that hurtles your ship into a wormhole and sends you into the past/future/alternate universe. A funsie kind of vortex, to which you can either undo mistakes of the past, see the wonders of the future, or settle into a mirror universe where red means go, green means stop, Elvis is still alive, and I’m an introverted millionaire living in a jewel encrusted cabin in Colorado with a sexy and God fearing Jessica Alba and our 32 kids. Oh, and where such a thing as iOS 7 never happened. And the Chicago Cubs won the World Series.
Ok, scratch that last one. There is no universe in which that would ever happen.
So what kind of vortex does real life give me? Well, this one:
I could really use some of that global warming right about now.
I realize there’s a certain sense of irony where I groan like an old woman about the snow we’re getting in downstate New York while dreaming of living under the special snowflakes of Colorado, but I think I know why. Because of the humid climate here, the snow never… goes… away. It doesn’t evaporate, it doesn’t melt, it stays, and stays, and stays, until we pour 5 million tons of salt and sand all over the roads just to rid us of some of it so the entire suburbanplex that is Long Island doesn’t grind to an apocalyptic halt.
In Colorado, the arid climate ensures that whatever snow does hit the ground doesn’t overstay its welcome, even when facing subzero temps. And while the mountainous terrain has a tendency to draw extremes out of the weather, it’s balanced out by 300+ days of sunny weather out of the year.
Of course, having yet to be trapped in a serious storm during my frequent visits there, my perception of the weather is probably still a little rose colored. Still, it’s telling how deep my antipathy for New York must be when I rail like an unhinged madman against the snow here, while in contrast I prance around in it like a jubilant 5 year old when I’m in Colorado.