It’s time I shared a dark, disturbing secret of mine

I’ve been torn about whether to write this post or not.  But it might help my dear readers understand where I’m coming from, even if it does dramatically change your opinions of me.  It’s horrible, graphic and ugly, but I feel like I just can’t move forward with my life until I finally come clean with this.

So here it is.  I, Frank Swift… hate Starbucks coffee.

Bill and Ted saying WHOA

WHOA…

Yep, it’s true, and it’s time I finally came to grips with it.  Pike Roast, Blonde Roast,  Medium Roast, it doesn’t matter.  They all suck.

When it comes to coffee, I like to take the Winston Wolf approach: lotsa cream, lotsa sugar.  But no matter how much I tried, I could never get that balance quite right with Starbucks.  Even pouring on the cinammon only marginally helped.  Lattes were somewhat better, but the only lattes I could drink more than once or twice are the seasonal lattes (Such as the pumpkin spice latte and the gingerbread latte) and even then, once a week was enough for me.  They would taste great the first time I’d get ’em when the season starts, and then the next day I buy it again and I’d be like… meh.  Even the hot chocolate isn’t all that.

I have better luck with fraps, namely java chip fraps with it’s slushy texture and just about as near a perfect balance as I like to have between bitter coffee and sugar mania.  Still, not quite the ideal morning drink one can have when it’s five degrees out during the winter.

So there it is.  Starbucks just doesn’t DO it for me.  You know what does?  Good old fashioned coffee brewed from my trusty and ancient looking percolator, namely Chock full o’ Nuts.  Yes, seriously.  The original blend coupled with some light cream and a dose of sugar/splenda continues to be the best coffee I can get.  Now THAT’s the kind of coffee I can drink all day and not get sick of it.  Mix in a little chocolate cream too and MmMMMmmmmMm!

If there’s a coffee place out there that can work the same kind of magic my percolator does, I’d love to check it out, but alas alas, it shall not be Starbucks.

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2 Responses to It’s time I shared a dark, disturbing secret of mine

  1. Cautiously Pessimistic July 10, 2013 at 4:37 PM #

    Starbucks French Roast is okay, but I wouldn’t know this if the local stores had French Roast K-cups of some other brand. I prefer my coffee to be go-juice, rather than dessert.

    So what number are you thinking of?

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