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I’m so unmatchable even eHarmony won’t take my money

There’s a price to pay for being a special snowflake:

eHarmony Can't Find Match

Well, I guess that’s it then.

Quick Walk and Jump out the Window

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20 Responses to I’m so unmatchable even eHarmony won’t take my money

  1. Ashley November 8, 2013 at 2:49 PM #

    How did you end up getting that message?

    • Frank Swift November 8, 2013 at 2:59 PM #

      It happens during the signup process, where you fill out an extensive questionnaire that attempts to gauge your personality, beliefs and interests, then uses an algorithm to find compatible matches. I kept my search to within 60 miles. I foresee a lot of globe trotting and flying in my future.

  2. Empathic Kuagua November 8, 2013 at 3:29 PM #

    Shocker, not…lol. Saddest thing Ive heard all week…I could milk your misery as a critical but devoted follower of your sometimes disturbing contributions…I could psychoanalyse you left right and centre, as I touched on before…but its Friday evening GMT on this side of the world and its been a good week for me…and Ive grown really fond of your “wierdly beautiful mind” so, I will be linient ;) WHEN ALL MATCHING FAILS A LOVING AND LOVEABLE SINGLE MOTHER MAY HAVE TO DO, lol lol lol, hey you wont have to globe trot for that one, there’s one not so far from you at any given time hey ;)

    • Frank Swift November 8, 2013 at 8:52 PM #

      Was that a proposition should I ever cross the pond? Given the right circumstances, I might just let you *ahem* explore my psyche to your heart’s content.

  3. Empathic Kuagua November 8, 2013 at 10:58 PM #

    Dont make me fall forvtour beautiful mind any deeper Frank you weekend flirt…exhaust all the online dating sites, live some hippie loner life for a while “discovering yourself” til you’re all reflected out…Then contact me when that selflessness and a tad of desperation sets in WHEN A SINGLE MUM WILL HAVE TO DO…It wont take me long to find you one,lol…You are great, don’t let any dating site or me,lol, try and convince you otherwise ;)

  4. geoarrge November 10, 2013 at 4:35 PM #

    Good grief, there is no acceptable reason it should be this impossible for anyone.

    • Frank Swift November 10, 2013 at 5:00 PM #

      Not necessarily, I always suspected that the success of these dating sites are regional in nature. If you live in a monolithic but populous community where everyone is pretty much the same, then the demographics will tend to favor you. The more diverse an area, the less likely you’ll find someone compatible, even if there’s a larger quantity to draw from.

    • geoarrge November 10, 2013 at 5:54 PM #

      I meant in general.

    • Frank Swift November 10, 2013 at 5:57 PM #

      Ah, what can I say then, I am indeed a special snowflake.

  5. Winter November 14, 2013 at 11:12 AM #

    E-harmony’s algorithm has nothing to do with geography and everything to do with whether or not they think you’re good marriage material. Anyone who pops up as narcissistic, violent, irresponsible, atheist (interesting) or, shocker, overly introverted, will be kicked out as undatable. So your rejection either means you’re a complete nutjob (highly unlikely) or that some of your answers triggered their alarms for one strange reason or another. I wouldn’t take it personally. I was fortunately married before I had to delve into the murky waters of online dating, but I have friends who’ve tried e-harmony and it’s been…icky.

    • Frank Swift November 14, 2013 at 3:20 PM #

      I suspect eHarmony’s algorithm isn’t nearly as sophisticated as they make it out to be. One of the things you learn when using multiple dating sites is that you run into the same group of people no matter what site you use. So there were times during my online dating frenzy days that I’d find my eHarmony matches on OTHER sites like Match.com where they would recommend the VERY same people eHarmony did, only using the simple mechanics of suggesting matches based on shared interests and beliefs.

      So when I say the success is regional in nature, I mean that those who dwell in monolithic communities where the demographics consist of the same ethnicity, cultural backgrounds and beliefs have fared much better on eHarmony as a result. Unfortunately I have very little to nothing in common not only with the locals here but even with the Christian community at large. I’ve lived too different and unusual a life for anyone to be able to relate to me in a way that could spawn strong bonds and relationships. It is what it is.

  6. Ashli November 18, 2013 at 4:50 PM #

    Your eharmony message made me laugh out loud. You’re probably better off. But seriously… that was hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

    • Frank Swift November 18, 2013 at 5:04 PM #

      Of course, life ain’t worth living if you can’t learn to laugh at these things.

  7. Gayle December 27, 2013 at 5:30 AM #

    I’m unmatchable too. It’s hard to know what to think about that! Insulted or flattered?

    • Frank Swift December 27, 2013 at 12:27 PM #

      Maybe a little bit of both, heh.

  8. Courtney May 6, 2015 at 2:54 PM #

    I found this site by searching to see if anyone else was e-Harmony-unmatchable. I guess there’s some solace in not being the only one.

    • Frank Swift May 6, 2015 at 3:24 PM #

      Nope, definitely not the only one. eHarmony is such a sham too. :)

    • Empathic Kuagua May 6, 2015 at 4:22 PM #

      Oh wow….can’t believe the irony of us revisiting this topic…its like one of those conundrums singles can have in this day and age…it makes me miss the good old days of people bumping into each other and chuckling, then walking each other home then spending hours talking about funny moments in their lives…then not wanting to part….wait…that might have been in one of those million fantasies I had over the last loooong wait for mr eligible….seriously, I am soooo over online dating, used to scope the mugshots and never take up any offers and not subscribe fully which meant never meeting anyone…until the other stupid month one site offered me some free trial thing….really wish they hadn’t in hindsight….decided to take up 3 of the 4 suspects on their appeals to meet for a date….first one needed Jesus, second one was farrr too needy, third one made a pillock of himself with a louder voice than necessary in a quiet restaurant…yeah awkward….suffcie to say UNDERWHELMING IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT….wasted time and effort on my part…the upcoming link up this weekend better be worth the travel and bother to meer….or else, I will be jumping on the protest bandwagon of these evident scam dating sites….suffice to say, I AM MORE UNMATCHABLE THAN THE GEEK IN THE WILDERNESS and its taken a chunk of my adult life to come to that conclusion and approximately a similar length of time to conclude that people above a certain age reaaallly need to find themselves before finding other people who can put up with them looooool

      Oh sorry for the rant….miss you old pen pal from the wilderness “across the pond” ;)

    • Frank Swift May 6, 2015 at 5:00 PM #

      I’ve been much happier since I stopped using online dating, over one year and counting. Random encounters are always much more pleasant and much more fun. You just have to place yourself in the middle of humanity and let destiny run its course.

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