Her: So Frank, what are you going to dress up as on Halloween?
Me: Myself. I’m scary enough as it is.
Joke aside, because of my Christian beliefs I actually don’t celebrate Halloween. I believe people with the same views represents, oh, .00000000000000001% of the population if I had to guess, with the exception of those zany members of the Watchtower Society.
So how does that explain why I’m single? I think because it exemplifies just how fringe I am. I don’t begrudge Christians in particular who still celebrate Halloween, and still get along just fine with most people with opposing viewpoints even when there’s a fake butcher knife sticking out of their heads while they beg, BEG me for candy (and this is just the adults).
But it’s one thing to forbear with a disparity in beliefs and perspectives when you’re dealing with acquaintances and friends, and maybe even family members. It’s quite another though when that disparity exists between you and someone you share your bed with. This is a bigger problem for me than it is for others because I’m a nonconformist with a perspective on life that very few people can relate to. For those who are the byproduct of a monolithic culture in which they and everyone else around them all believe the same things, behave the same way, and root for the same teams, they have little issues meeting and marrying those who are just like them. A Mormon in Utah for example will have no trouble meeting and pairing off with a Mormon girl. For all our talk about individuality, the truth is the vast majority of us are all like sheep, ready to conform to whatever subculture we happen to be immersed in. By being part of the herd, you reduce the risk of being isolated and alone, as well as the complications of trying to find a significant other you can relate to and call your better half. Everyone in the same herd gets along pretty well, as long as everyone believes and behaves exactly the same.
Because God help you if you start to form a dissenting opinion the rest of the herd may not agree with…
So if I were to meet a girl, even one who is sugar and spice and everything nice, but who failed to understand me and why I believe the things I do (and vice versa), I’d suspect things just wouldn’t work out between the two of us and break it off before it started to get serious. Really, who wants to be with someone who is incapable of being able to see who you truly are as a person and where you’re coming from? That’s how we connect and form bonds after all.
I asked some of the people close to me who are married and about the nature of their relationships with their spouses, and the nature is such that they know each other so well they’re able to complete each other’s thoughts. They may fight and argue and whatnot, but ultimately they are both on the same wavelength. They’re in sync, which is why even when there’s friction in the relationship, it doesn’t threaten the bond they have with each other.
As opposed to me, who seems to be out of sync with the entire universe. If God could make mistakes, I’m sure my existence would be the best proof of it.
And yes, part of this ability to form such a bond happens with time I’m sure, but much of it I believe has to do with having a pre-existing kernel of insight into the other person’s mind, something I believe can come supernaturally or simply as a result of having similar walks in life. Even if you don’t know someone very well, you just GET who they are, and hence you’re drawn to them. Such is the plight of human nature where we are naturally drawn to the familiar rather than the unfamiliar. Science describes this as assortative mating, and by and large it’s probably an accurate process of how most of us meet our significant others.
But I am a glitch in the Matrix, an anomaly, a… special snowflake if you will. There is none like unto me, and hence I may indeed be doomed (or blessed depending on how you look at it) to a life of solitude.
Is it possible that I’m being too trivial though? So what if the perspectives and beliefs between myself and that of a potential spouse didn’t perfectly align. Did that HAVE to spell automatic doom for the relationship? Aren’t there other factors to consider? Wouldn’t true love conquer all? More importantly, even if we were initially on different wavelengths, isn’t it possible that they could eventually converge together somewhere down the road? Well, anything’s possible, but how likely would that be? I can’t imagine the odds for success walking hand in hand with someone who finds your thought process completely alien to their own would be very favorable. People don’t really change, so if they fail to understand you now, it would require a leap of faith to believe that could change later on. Maybe, depending on the right circumstances that leap would be warranted. But it hasn’t happened to me yet.