Happy Single Awareness Day!

Absent a nagging wife or a neurotic girlfriend, I feel as if I can freely be myself on Valentine’s:

Dancing in Balloon SuitsOne of the things I’ve noticed over the past year is how at ease with myself I am not when I’m with other people, but when I’m completely alone.  Solitude is quiet, peaceful, stress-free, and kinda awesome.  If it weren’t due to some sense of obligation to friends and family I probably would never talk to anyone, at least not for lengthy periods of time.  In fact, I’m planning as an experiment of sorts to go completely dark and off grid for say, a week, just to see how well it helps me recharge.  Solitude, and I mean REAL solitude, seems to be the only thing that truly helps me rejuvenate and unwind.  It doesn’t matter where I go, it only matters that I’m completely ALONE.

People exhaust me.  They’re rude, uncivil, fickle, weird, strange, incorrigible, LOUD, inane, insufferable and intolerable to deal with.  Whenever I interact with the lot of them it always seems to be too much to expect even a modicum of basic civility and etiquette.  Women especially seem to magnify these traits to an absurd degree by injecting emotion and drama into EVERY.  LITTLE.  THING.  In fact, I had to cut off my last romantic interest because the neurosis was out of control.  I know not EVERYONE is like this, but too many are, and if I had to choose between the whirlwind drama of a flighty romance and peaceful solitude, I’ll choose the later every time.

I wonder if this is a masculine trait in some respects.  Is this why some men have garages to work alone in or a “man cave” they can otherwise call their own, free of any womanly influence and interference?  We’re not hard wired to deal with drama, while women seem to thrive on it, to the point of inventing it where none exists if necessary.  I see this so often that I wonder if it’s even possible to meet a girl who values the quiet as much as I do.  Whenever I think I’ve found someone who isn’t like that, it doesn’t take long before the potential relationship turns into an emotional freak circus, and I’m once again running for the hills.

I don’t get why so many guys opt for the drama instead of the solitude, but then again I’ve always been something of an anomaly.  I’ll never forget one night when I was at sports camp for high school and we were staying in this freezing cold cabin with more holes than a basketball net.  It was night and some of the seniors were out hazing the freshmen by tying them to their beds while they were sleeping.  I was a freshman as well, but I wasn’t worried, and planned to take a walk in the dark by myself later that night so I could watch the stars.  My roomie though was TERRIFIED and BEGGED me to stay.  He didn’t want to be alone and was afraid the seniors would get him.  He was one of the “cool” kids too, and at the time I couldn’t understand why he was so scared.  In the end I stayed, but I was annoyed that I had lost “me” time just so I could keep my roomie from wetting his bed.  The seniors got him anyway, but because I was there he was able to laugh it off.  I understood then, if only dimly, how some people’s need for human company and fear of solitude was so profound that they would even marry badly just to avoid being alone.

I do crave and value human company though, or more specifically female company, but as soon as it goes sideways I tend to exit stage left in a hurry.  I really have no patience for games, psychological warfare or drama, but this seems to be all women ever bring to the table.  Take away the sex appeal, and what’s left?

Spending Valentine’s Day alone used to bother me, but not so much anymore.  Life has always presented me with two choices: be alone, or be in a turbulent, one-sided relationship with endless drama, aggravation, and loss of income.  The later ironically enough is what would truly make one feel lonely, and yet that’s the option most people choose.  It’s a shame so many can’t learn to appreciate the benefits and serenity that comes from being alone, even for short periods of time.

As for me, maybe someday life will prove me wrong and I’ll meet someone I’m meant to be with who won’t drive me nuts, but I’ve come to enjoy the solitude, and crave it even more in the midst of a world that has lost all sense of decorum, sanity and civility.

My next bachelor pad (MacBook not shown)

My next bachelor pad (MacBook and other Apple toys not shown)

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11 Responses to Happy Single Awareness Day!

  1. DarthW February 16, 2014 at 8:26 PM #

    LOL. While I wouldn’t say I always love endless solitude, I do tend to re-energize with alone time and me time. I also wonder if it’s a male thing, or a personality thing.

    As for females always having lots of drama, while I’ve have met – even dated – a couple who seem to thrive on having it always in their lives, I can honestly say I do have female friends whom I’ve known for more than 10 years who do not seem to bring the drama. I have certainly seen my share of men – usually ex-husbands – do things just to create drama.

    I sometimes wonder if those who seem to thrive on drama were actually raised in an environment where it is ever-present, so they feel completely out of their element if something is not continually stirring in the background and foreground of their life. Similarly, I was raised in a family environment of relative peace thanks to two very reasonable parents, and some decent siblings, so I don’t see the need for a lot of hub-bub in my daily life, and I set boundaries when I see unreasonable drama begin to be presented by someone.

    There is hope. I think drama may be a personality thing.

    I did enjoy my day as a single dude though. In the meantime, whenever I do feel lonely I open my wallet and see my “friends” Andrew, Abraham, sometimes Benjamin staring up at me, and they take me on many adventures.

    • Frank Swift February 16, 2014 at 8:59 PM #

      Lol, I’m thankful I know some non-dramatic women as well, it’s a shame life differences, ages and so on make romance nonviable. Just not enough of them out there.

  2. a February 21, 2014 at 9:31 PM #

    Wow. I just saw “Pompeii 3D,” and the whole thing is pretty much “romantic” emo-porn chick-crack for women. I think I burned my eyes with 50 shades of trauma.

    The parts that women will think are “romantic” are completely laughable from a man’s perspective.

    I could give details, but the movie doesn’t need my help ruining it for you.

    Cheers!

    • Frank Swift February 21, 2014 at 10:15 PM #

      Your first mistake was to watch Pompeii. Your second mistake was to go see it… in 3D.

      No soup for you!

    • a February 21, 2014 at 11:05 PM #

      Ok. Your first point might be fair, but I got to watch it for free, so no soup on your second point. Love it or hate it, 3D is still fun, and that’s part of why I went to see it. That, an exploding volcano and fighting gladiators. Emily Browning was just a nice bonus with the free ticket.

    • Frank Swift February 21, 2014 at 11:12 PM #

      Maybe I’m just a 3D bigot. I’m so used to matinee shows and having a theater to myself, a perk that seems to be virtually impossible to get with a 3D show.

    • Maeve February 28, 2014 at 12:54 PM #

      I really want to see that movie. Maybe it’s a better experience from a woman’s perspective? (I also kind of like the cheesiness of 3D + IMAX)

  3. Rachael February 26, 2014 at 12:37 PM #

    My friend sent me a link to your blog today and I’ve just read a few posts and I have this to say:

    I am an introvert. I completely understand your feelings of needing to be alone to rejuvenate. The best, most restful season of my life was one in which I was forced to stay home for a month because I was recovering from surgery. I had 3 visitors in 4 weeks’ time, and it was freaking glorious. Freaking. Glorious.

    I also hate drama. And guess what. I have a uterus…er…I mean, I’m a woman.

    All that to say, you need to have more compassion on people. So you’re an introvert and need “you” space. Go you. That doesn’t mean you’re better than people who are extroverts and get depressed and ragey if they aren’t around people. So you’re a dude and you don’t like drama. That doesn’t mean you’re better than the girl who flips out just because they made her latte with soy milk instead of almond milk. Your posts seem to carry an arrogance that is not indicative of the heart of Christ. Pray God gives you compassion. I mean, if God didn’t have compassion on us, we’d have been dead a long time ago.

    • Frank Swift February 26, 2014 at 2:25 PM #

      Where did I say I was better than everyone else?

    • DarthW February 27, 2014 at 11:22 PM #

      I have to agree. I’ve read a lot of Frank’s blogs, and I don’t see him presenting himself as “better”, or even lacking compassion.

    • Maeve February 28, 2014 at 12:57 PM #

      Um, as a L.O.L., may I just add that there is no need to flip out if the barrista makes the coffee with soy milk instead of almond milk. A simple request for a replacement is far more appropriate, so actually, in terms of behavior, Frank is much better.

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