For those looking for a social media strategist / manager, allow me to impress you with my background

During the past 4 years or so, I’ve specialized in rapidiously brand compelling e-markets and assertively deploying ethical channels by continually syndicating fully tested potentialities, achieving success by monotonectally repurposing state of the art “outside the box” thinking.  I’m able to dramatically harness professional convergence and objectively re-engineer high-quality alignments by seamlessly aggregating adaptive experiences.

By dynamically leveraging existing state of the art methodologies, I’ve achieved numerous successes in globally actualizing fully tested sources and phosphorescently utilizing frictionless synergy.  Using social media as leverage, I have worked to objectively pontificate exceptional communities and collaborate with brand client-focused intellectual capital, helping to build fungibly productivate and proactive infrastructures for distinctively parallel task efficient results.

Any questions?

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11 Responses to For those looking for a social media strategist / manager, allow me to impress you with my background

  1. njrondeau April 24, 2014 at 5:59 PM #

    What’s the frequency, Kenneth?

    • Frank Swift April 24, 2014 at 6:10 PM #

      I’d tell ya but I’m too busy beating up Dan Rather.

  2. thehaproject April 25, 2014 at 12:06 AM #

    You worked at Kinkos?

    • Frank Swift April 25, 2014 at 7:47 PM #

      If I did, I must have repressed the memory.

  3. Maeve April 25, 2014 at 7:52 AM #

    Terrible time for my universal translator to die. :-(

    • Frank Swift April 25, 2014 at 7:51 PM #

      What? I couldn’t have made my English any plainer.

  4. a April 26, 2014 at 4:28 AM #

    Now, that would all be really impressive if it weren’t for all this magical spam in my inbox asking…

    “What are summer surprises you ask? They’re fun blended with Frappuccino®, drizzled in OMG, sprinkled with outer space. And cats.”

    Now, I’m honestly not quite sure what all that means specifically, but I’m definitely sold on the drizzle! And, I’m still concerned about whether or not the cats are drizzled or sprinkled, because that really could be a deal-breaker for me!

    Does this count as a first world problem?

    • Frank Swift April 26, 2014 at 2:50 PM #

      You think that’s bad, you should see the marriage proposals I get in my inbox from women with names like Zearodiaz Rngdrzzszl: I dream of you every night and love you long time! Please write me so I may fill you with my substance!”

      Well alrighty then.

    • a April 27, 2014 at 2:25 AM #

      I’ve never had anyone propose marriage to my email account before. Sounds romantic! But I bet the spell check really kills all the tingleszszsz!

    • Frank Swift April 27, 2014 at 12:36 PM #

      Not even brute force spell checks can keep twue wuvs down.

  5. Pilgrim of the East May 23, 2014 at 4:21 AM #

    wow, I should have prepared marketing BS bingo card before reading this

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