Can soulmates make the wrong choice?

Been having a discussion with one of my blog commenters that had me thinking about soulmates.  I don’t believe in the idea that there is only ONE TRUE SOULMATE out there for every one of us, but as a Christian I do believe there are certain people that God means for us to be with.

There are several examples in Scripture showing us that God does indeed play a role at times in bringing man and woman together, beginning with Eve:  “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. – Mark 10:9″

From there, we see God either guiding others, such as Abraham’s chief servant to find a wife for Isaac (Genesis 24) and even instructing one of his prophets to marry a former adulteress (Hosea 3).  Proverbs also describes a prudent wife being from the LORD as well. (Proverbs 19:14)

In other examples we can see where God does the inverse, telling us who NOT to marry.  Whether it’s who to marry or who not, there’s enough biblical evidence to show that He doesn’t sit idly by while we blindly grope in the dark looking for THE ONE.

At the same time though, I also believe it’s possible to reject God’s providence and counsel, and just marry whoever you please.

Which leads me to the obvious question: does this mean whoever God had in mind for me might have already rejected me, or chose not to wait and is now married to someone else?

The funny thing is I was watching a Once Upon a Time episode (yes I know, but I can’t stop) where precisely that scenario took place: a fairy guided a woman to her soulmate, but she chose not to go through with the introduction and ran away instead.  Later on, the same fairy tells her how selfish her act was.  Perplexed, she asks the fairy how it could have been considered selfish.  “Because you didn’t just ruin your life,” the fairy says.  “You ruined his as well.”

Makes you wonder.  Although considering the omnipotent nature of our Creator, it’s also wholly possible that He would foresee this rejection and pair us with someone He knows WOULDN’T reject us.  Where His providence begins and our free will ultimately begins is always going to be something of a mystery.

One thing I do know for sure, it’s probably the hardest thing ever for those unmarried men and women to fully trust God to bring someone in their lives as they continue to get older while everyone around them pairs up, despite so much of it being a facade.  (That happy go lucky couple you just saw sucking face at Starbucks will more than likely divorce or call it splits down the road.)  I understand though why so many just throw up their hands and marry the first person they find that pays any attention to them.  But I’ve seen how the often disastrous consequence of doing that can seriously ruin people’s lives, and sometimes not just their lives, but the lives of those who had nothing to do with the relationship.  I don’t want to be one of those people, so I’m holding out for as long as I can.

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18 Responses to Can soulmates make the wrong choice?

  1. Empathic Kuagua November 25, 2013 at 9:46 PM #

    Totally agree with your take on this Frank…it is truly something of a conundrum where a lot of people make go down the wrong roads, out of disobedience and mere impatience and end up in the middle of nowhere…on the other extreme other individuals lead fussy horse-like blinded existences, stubbornly galloping in one direction, with criteria and lists of Mr or Mrs Perfect…the typical result being allowing oneself to be lured by the astonishingly scheming marketing tactics by some “eligibles” out there…Just the other day, some established sounding and very well-kept man nervously gathered the guts to pace up to me and tell me that he had to just come and tell me how beautiful I was and that he would like to take me for dinner some time. Such flatter does not usually sell well with me but by heck, I thought of giving him a chance to get a peaceable dove that he would otherwise chase with such cringe-worthy antics which may have only ever attracted desperate crows….When such things happen one can only count themselves blessed, tredding with all wisdom and guard their heart with all diligence, praying that that stop is not the first or one of many tiresome and emotionally draining etc., but their final purposed and joyous place of alighting. I don’t know about other parts of the world but as far as it is looking on these Isles, there is something as bizarre as a 21:1 female to male ratio in the Church…God helps us in this season and beyond for sure…

    • Frank Swift November 25, 2013 at 10:07 PM #

      Yeah I would give the guy a chance, might seem like they’re just saying a line, but a lot of men really do mean what they say. Sucks to see so many women regard men with such suspicion when they’re paid a compliment, but I can understand it.

      And I’m sorry, 21:1 ratio??? What church is this so I can immediately start attending?

    • Empathic Kuagua November 26, 2013 at 4:35 AM #

      Oh since that day he deliberately catches my train everyday, for a good chat for the 35minute journey! He is quite eligible and interesting. So close to giving into his persistence to have my number, its just that I like my private time so much even Brad Pitt would have to sweat running for a train to catch me a lil bit longer…Isaac laboured for Rebecca right ;-) Love dont come easy, forget about the give and take bit, gave to much to old loves who didnt turn out to be ” soulmates”, im doing more taking intially…wisdom illustrated…So far the highlight of getting to know my possibly Mr Right for Ever is that we share birthdays, values, wit, querks etc…and he can’t get enough of me…will bask in it and hope it will lead to that happily ever after moment after the big day I may have been planning for a decade before I met him, poor but blessed gent,lol

      Abou the stats on females and males in our church, didnt realise this until the Marriage ministry organised a Singles event to mingle and get to know each other. A handful of guys turned up and ovee s hundred available ladies…saddest sight…which quickly turned into a very great girls’ night out, after we all decided not to wallow in the appatent unfavourable odds…please come Frank, you may feel like bate for a school of piranhas but you might actually enjoy the abundant notice you might get ;-)

    • Frank Swift November 26, 2013 at 3:18 PM #

      Yes, enjoy the moment and see where it leads. I really hope it works out for you.

      Given that female to male ratio, I suddenly have an odd urge to visit the UK. O:-) I’d better bring myself up to speed on the Brit slang though before I go globe trotting (Ay ay ay, is that Dr. Who on the telly?)

  2. loischwarz November 26, 2013 at 11:13 AM #

    perhaps you were already introduced to your “soulmate” but you rejected her for being too fat?

    • Frank Swift November 26, 2013 at 11:49 AM #

      I’ve been attracted to overweight women before. I’d imagine my soulmate would be someone I’d also be attracted to, or what would be the point?

  3. No such thing November 26, 2013 at 2:17 PM #

    “What God hath joined together” is talking about the holy union covenant and physical sexual connection in it, not the specific selection of people in it.

    Much of what God says about divorce is not just metaphysical spiritual concepts, but the actual physical separation of that union covenant.

    To God, both marriage and divorce are deeply, equally spiritual and physical. Breaking a physical bond IS breaking a spiritual bond. This is why married people are commanded to have regular sex with their spouse. It is a spiritual act.

    There is no such thing as soul mates.

    There are only good choices and bad choices, and God wants us to choose wisely.

    The idea of a soul mate idealizes the notion that one unique person will be a perfect match for us, but ignores the fact that we are all sinners who will keep sinning against each other long after the wedding. Nobody is perfect.

    The idea of a soul mate conditions us to believe that someone else will magically meet all our needs, and that we don’t really need to change ourselves to meet the needs of others.

    What I see in the bible is not cosmic ordination, but the series of wise choices:
    Avoid women who use beautiful looks and flattery to get my attention. Go to my hometown to pick a woman who would most likely share my similar beliefs and values. Make sure she demonstrates godly character. Ask for her hand in marriage.

    I think God will warn us if we are making bad decisions and encourage us if we are making good decisions, but it is still our decision, and once we become married, once we enter that union and covenant with our spouse, then God “blesses” the decision by “joining them together” spiritually.

    This is why the church has historically required newlyweds to consummate their marriage the first night they are together. It is a strong spiritual bond created during the physical act of sex with one’s spouse that “God has joined together” – well, that and a strong hit of dopamine.

    We are over-spiritualizing this whole dating thing.
    Be wise, pick someone, and get on with it.

    I once heard the saying, “God tells us to love the woman we marry, not marry the woman we love.”

    With all the romanticism in the Church, we rely too much on our feelings of “love” to guide us, when we just need to make wise choices, pick someone, and commit ourselves to loving them as the bible commands.

    The idea of a soul mate removes our individual responsibility for the choices we should be making ourselves, claiming that all will be taken care of for us.

    God gave us our minds for a reason, and if the choice of a spouse is one of our biggest choices, why would God remove that choice from us?

    He didn’t give us free will for everything except finding a spouse.

    • Frank Swift November 26, 2013 at 3:16 PM #

      The idea of a soul mate idealizes the notion that one unique person will be a perfect match for us, but ignores the fact that we are all sinners who will keep sinning against each other long after the wedding. Nobody is perfect.

      I agree with this, as far as only one unique person out there being right for you, that’s just not true. What about widows then? If they married their one true love and he or she passed away, what then, they’re screwed and can never experience true love again?

      But I DO believe God can choose a mate for us, because we have biblical support for that. Whether we decide to honor His wishes and marry that person though is up to us.

      But that’s also what sucks about it, because such a God given marriage is now contingent on the other person making the right decision. It’s completely out of our control.

      And while God grants us free will, our will should be to obey His will. There are things that are simply beyond our understanding and ability to achieve and we have to rely on God for the rest. I did that with my job, and it’s only by His direction that I managed to fumble and stumble into a job that is virtually recession proof, with insurance that would be minimally impacted by our ridiculous health care laws. If it were up to me, I’d probably be unemployed now and on the bread line.

      So if He did that, I’m sure He can do the same when it comes to a wife.

      I once heard the saying, “God tells us to love the woman we marry, not marry the woman we love.”

      This is something that really drove the point home in the olden days. When you married, there was no such thing as a no-fault divorce, get out of jail free card. You were in it to the end, so there was a powerful incentive to work out and overcome marriage difficulties. When two people love each other and treat their vows seriously, they will overcome any obstacle they need to overcome no matter the sacrifice to make the marriage work, because there is no second option.

      Nowadays though, forget it. The risks are so enormous that this is not a decision I believe I can make on my own without seeking God’s counsel and direction, otherwise I could literally ruin my life. Only He knows the heart, making Him the only perfect vetter.

      So if I do meet a girl, I would want her to be vetted by God first (unless she was already and God arranged our meeting) before I made the ultimate sacrifice to tie the knot, and hopefully she’ll be the same way.

      I’ve seen marriages paired by God, and they’re not typically defined by romance, in fact sometimes it seems the marriage looks like a disaster. The difference though is where it MATTERS, they are of one mind and spirit. If I marry someone I KNOW God intended for me, despite any difficulties of the marriage, there’s a sense of peace you can rest on knowing you are within His will, and that all things do work together for good for them that truly love and follow the LORD.

  4. Ashli November 26, 2013 at 3:36 PM #

    I was under the impression you had never been married. Then, I read a post where I was under the impression that you were divorced, and you told some other man that he got off cheap at $44,000.

    I’m confused. Have you been married before?

    Also, Jimmy John’s tuna rocks. That is all.

    • Frank Swift November 26, 2013 at 3:42 PM #

      You dig Jimmy John’s too? SOULMATES!!!!!

    • Ashli November 26, 2013 at 3:46 PM #

      Blatant avoidance. Why? You seem fairly open to talking about your relationships with women.

      Seriously, though, how does Jimmy John’s deliver so quickly? From the time I hit the online order button to the time the delivery driver rang the doorbell, only 11 minutes had elapsed. That Jimmy John’s was at least five miles away. WHAT?! I love it. They need to get some of that action happening out here in California.

    • Ashli November 26, 2013 at 3:53 PM #

      I don’t understand why you’re reluctant to be direct on this when you seem so direct and poignant, for the most part.

      I do agree with your points about divorce. I deal with it and see its effects everyday. Being a public high school teacher, I get to deal with the aftermath of all kinds of choices parents make that affect their kids.

    • Ashli November 26, 2013 at 3:55 PM #

      I’ve had two large cups of coffee and a brownie. Why is everyone else moving in slow motion?! :-)

    • Ashli November 26, 2013 at 4:13 PM #

      Frank,

      I can understand and respect that. I’m sorry you and your loved ones have been traumatized by divorce. :-/

      Today, I made a batch each of triple chocolate chunk and peanut butter chip brownies. I’ve created a sort of chocolate insanity in my own home. WHEEEEEEE

      But seriously, though… Jimmy John’s. How?

    • Frank Swift November 26, 2013 at 4:21 PM #

      I’m guessing they use Star Trek teleporters to transports teh tasty sammiches at the speed of light. SCIENCE!

      My first experience with them was near Seattle. I barely finished my sentence before the sammich magically appeared. The one I went to in Colorado though wasn’t as good. Still, whenever I see a JJ’s during my travels, I just know everything is gonna be ok.

    • Frank Swift November 26, 2013 at 3:47 PM #

      Ashli, without giving away too much I’ll just say I’ve never married (or divorced) but I was definitely a casualty of it. Divorce doesn’t merely destroy two people, it destroys whole families and even companies. They’re like dirty bombs that go off and leave a wake of destruction for years to come.

    • Frank Swift November 26, 2013 at 3:49 PM #

      Lol, I wasn’t avoiding, I was following up with another comment. Try to give me at least 30 seconds or so before you fly off on me being evasive. :-P

    • Frank Swift November 26, 2013 at 4:08 PM #

      Ashli,

      The reason is because I’m fine with being direct about my own life, but my experience ties in with the experiences of my family, who are very private and whose lives I don’t wish to put on public display. It’s hard because we all went through the same trauma, so I try to find a balance between discussing my past while keeping them out of it as much as I can.

      And now I’m suddenly hungry for brownies.

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